*I think America causes cancer, longevity is less important than fun, and young people should be discouraged from voting.
*I think stereotypes are true, abstinence is a perversion, Bush's lies are worse than Clinton's, and there is nothing sexy about being old or pregnant.
*I think September 11th changed nothing, and if I had known the onset of war would add 100 points to Bush's IQ, I would've started one.
*I think pornography stops rape, I think AIDS ribbons are stupid, and flag burning makes me feel patriotic.
*I think death is not the worse thing that can happen to you, I think people have too much self-esteem, and being drunk is funny.
*I think children are not innocent, God doesn't write books, and Jesus wasn't a Republican.
*I am for mad cow disease and against suing tobacco companies.
*I think girls hate each other, "No" doesn't always mean "No", you have to lie to stay married, women's sports are boring, and the Olympics are gay.