by Sami
Feedback : please write me,about what�s wrong? Contact: [email protected]
Rating : (I didn�t know) I think PG-13 or
Disclaimer : ...............
Timothy stood there, and greeted me with a smile, "It was okay baby, you just gotta practise some more," he said. I skated past him, and to my dressing room. At that moment I didn�t want to speak to anyone ... I only wanted to be left alone. Timothy came after me, "Valessa ... it�s okay ..." he said.
I ignored him. No it wasn�t okay. It wasn�t okay that I couldn�t do a triple axle. It wasn�t okay that every time I go to do a triple axle I fall in front of thousands of people. It wasn�t okay! Tears streamed down my face, and finally collapsed on the ground before I even arrived at my dressing room. He fell beside me, "Valessa ... you can�t be perfect." Timothy told me.
"I�ve tried ... I�ve practised ... I�ve done everything I can ... and I still can�t land!" I cried.
"Listen don�t cry ... the guys ... they�ll only think you�re a soar looser." Timothy said.
I looked at him, "I don�t care what they think!" I yelled, "I quit though. I�m doing this anymore. I may be a Olympic Bronze Medalists girlfriend ... but that doesn�t mean I have to be a Bronze or Gold Medalists too." I stood up, and began to walk away. Timothy grabbed my arm.
"Don�t be a quitter." he said, "Just try harder."
"I�ve tried for months ... and I can�t land... I fall every time I go out... I�m not doing it again." I pulled my arm from his grip, and marched off to the dressing room. My tears, were tears of pain. My hip hurt ... and I was so angry. So angry at myself ... I hated myself. I wondered what was wrong with me. Why can�t I land? I asked myself over and over again. I changed into a pair of blue jeans, and a white tank top. I slipped on my tennis shoes, and I left. Timothy begged me not too ... he pleaded with me. But I didn�t stop walking. I left ... and I drove. I drove ... and didn�t stop driving.
Timothy called me over and over again, but I wouldn�t even pick up my cell. I was gone ... I wanted a new life ... but destiny wouldn�t have it.
I hadn�t been on the ice in two years now. I hadn�t spoken to Timothy since the day I left the rink. I had made my new life. I was an interior decorate. I had decorated a few famous peoples houses, but my main attraction were the houses on the beach. I often wondered about Timothy ... whether or not he moved on, or if he is still looking for me. I watched him on T.V. sometimes, when Champions on Ice did specials, I watched Timothy glide across the ice, and jump ... and land perfectly. I�d have to change the channel, as I remembered the pain I felt when I would hit the ice.
One day after I finished decorating a house, I drove by the ice rink. For some reason I desired to see the ice. I turned around, and pulled into the parking lot of the rink. The rink was inside a building, it was too hot in California for it to be outside. I was nervous. Nervous to see the ice maybe. And maybe I had expected to see Timothy at the door, like he always greeted me when I would come in for practice. When I walked in, the chill hit me. Suprisingly there was only one person there. A guy. He was practising hockey. I watched hom for a while. I leaned against the wall and watched him glide across the ice. I knew what it felt like to glide like that. It felt like you were free ... like a bird ... like you were flying.
I was suprised when the guy stopped and looked at me. "Hey." he said. His voice was crisp and soft. He was out of breath, as he skated toward me.
"Hi." I said, "Are you a hockey player or something?" I asked him. Stupid question I know ... but I had to strike up a conversation.
"I tore some ligaments in my leg playing a few months back, and haven�t been able to play, so I�ve been practising a little."
"By yourself?"
"Yeah." he replied, "It gets kinda lonely when you�re by your self." he looked out across the ice, "So what about you? Hockey?"
I laughed, "No, I�m not a hockey player." I looked down at the ice, "I was an ice skater."
"Was ... why aren�t you now?"
"I quit." I replied shamefully. I sounded so stupid. I sounded like a loser. And for the first time I knew what everyone thought of me. A quitter.
"Why?" he asked, "The ice is wonderful."
"I couldn�t land a jump." I replied, "I had practised ... but couldn�t land no matter what."
"Go get ya some ice skates." he said.
"What?" I asked kind of shocked.
"Go get ya some skates, and come back out here." he repeated.
"No." I said, "No, I promised myself I�d never come back out on the ice for the rest of my life."
"Well, obviously you want too, or you would�ve never stopped by here." he said.
"I�m not skating."
"Yes you are."
"Who are you to tell me what to do?" I asked, "I only met you 5 minutes ago."
He stared into my eyes deeply for a moment, and then slowly and gently he said, "Go get some skates, and come back out here."
There was something about the way he said that. I sighed, and walked out to my car. For some reason, I still had my skates in my car. I brought them back inside, and sat down to put them on. "I don�t even know your name." I said to the guy.
He smiled, "Hayden." he hit the hockey puck into the goal he had sitting at the other end of the court.
"I�m Valessa." I replied. I stood up, and hesitated. I didn�t really want to skate. I didn�t want to touch the ice.
"Okay Valessa." he held out his hand, "Come on." he said gently.
"I don�t know."
"Come on. I can teach you how to jump and not fall."
"That�s impossible. All the professionals tried, and they couldn�t get me to jump ... now I know some hockey player who�s probably never jumped and landed in his whole life is going to teach me."
"There�s a secret you don�t know about me." he said, "I can land on a quad ... an axle ... I can land on anything. Now come on." he demanded.
I put my hand in his, and for the first time in 2 years I was on the ice again. I sort of stumbled a little.
"How long has it been since you were on the ice?"
"2 years." I replied.
"Skate a few practice rounds, and then we�ll start." he said, "You gotta be used to the ice again."
I wanted to cry. I was so scared and nervous. I skated, and again I felt like a bird. I felt like I was flying. I got my speed up.
"That a girl." he said clapping.
I smiled. I had my sensation back.
"That a girl." he said again.
Words couldn�t describe the sensation I had. The chill of the ice wrapped my face, and my feet glided like they always had. I looked at Hayden. I had just met this guy, and he already knew what my greatest desire had been for the past couple of months.
"okay." Hayden said stopping me, "I�m going to teach you how to jump and land today."
"I hate to tell you but I tried it for months and still couldn�t do it ... I doubt I can jump and land in the next 8 hours." I said.
"Don�t doubt ... just set your mind to it!" he demanded.
He was right. I spent most of my time doubting what I can�t do, when I know that if I really tried I could do it. I could jump and land. I could land an axle.
"Now, when you jump." he began, "you�re going to come back down on the tip of your skate, instead of right on the blade."
I nodded, "I know that." I said.
"Then lets see it." he stood back.
I looked at him for a second. I was hesitating again, and then I took off to warm up. I circled. I didn�t want to do it. I couldn�t do it. I did it. I jumped, and half a second later I landed, only I fell. That same sting came back that I always got, "See." I yelled.
Hayden shook his head, "It�s okay." he said, "It�s okay. Just try again. Remember land on the very tip of your skate."
I looked at him like he was crazy. Like he was waiting his time doing this, but I started skating again, and jumped once more. This time I landed on the tip of the skate, but didn�t land like I was supposed too. "Hayden honey, hate to tell you, but it�s useless."
"Shut up and try again!" he yelled.
I knew he was kidding, but it made me all the more want to try again. I closed my eyes and prayed, I wanted to make this jump. I jumped, and oh my God, I landed! I landed perfectly! It was perfect! I screamed with joy, and tackled Hayden, "Oh my Josh I love you!" I screamed.
He laughed, "I told you, you could do it! I told you!" he said.
"How did I do that? Months of practice and I never could do that ... 5 minutes of practice and I did it!"
"You just gotta have the right person coaching ya!" he said.
"Oh Hayden thank you so much." I knew I sounded stupid. The only thing I had conquered was jumping and landing. Now I had landing a Triple Axle, and a Quad.
"Let�s keep on ... you�re going to perfect by the end of the night baby." he smiled.
I had only known the man 20 minutes, and already I was falling in love with him. I don�t know if it�s because he had taught me ... he had gotten back out on the ice ... or if he just had the irresistible charm that guys seemed to manoeuvre me in with.
Through out the rest of the afternoon and the evening we practised on landing an Axle. I couldn�t do it. I knew it would take a while to land an Axle, but I was getting aggrivated at myself once again. Like I used too.
I collapsed on the ice, I was ready to give up, "I can�t do it Hayden." I said.
Hayden skated toward and sat down beside me, "The word can�t is like cancer ... it just eats at you ... and tells you that you really can�t do it, when you can. You know you can... never give up. Valessa you have potential."
I stared at the ice, "That�s what Timothy used to tell me." I murmured.
"Who�s Timothy?"
"He was my boyfriend. We never actually officially broke up. World Champion Bronze Medalist. I was his can�t even land a jump girlfriend. There was so much pressure on me, I knew I had to be perfect like him. He was the Quad King for pete�s sake. I couldn�t even land a jump. So one day after I did my part on the ice ... I walked out. I quit. He pleaded with me to stay. But I didn�t . I keep going ... and going ...and I ended up here. That was the last time I was on the ice."
Hayden was silent, "But you can�t let that ruin your dreams. Maybe you were at the wrong place at the wrong time. Maybe you weren�t supposed to be with Timothy. Maybe you were supposed to meet me and fall in love with me, and I was supposed to teach you how to do what you wanted do." he smiled.
I laughed, "Wouldn�t that be perfect?"
"It could happen." he said, "I like you."
I looked into his eyes, "You like me? I�m pitiful." I laughed.
"You�re not pitiful ... you just have to learn." he said.
"I�m awful to teach."
"I�m a patient teacher."
I stared across the ice, "You want to keep me on the ice? Make me practice?"
"Every day, till you can land an axle, land a Quad, and do everything else."
"It�s gonna be a while. You sure you�re patient enough."
"Yeah... I am. We�re going to practice ... and I promise I�ll fall in love with you."
I was speechless. He said he�d fall in love with me. He was so sure of himself. I hoped so ... I hoped this was the start of my new life.
I was so tired when Hayden let me go home. My legs ached, and that�s when I realized how out of shape I was. I was excited, and nervous though. Excited I was finally back out on the ice, but nervous I�d make an idiot of myself like I had before. Hayden promised to call me the next day, but he said I�d better make it to practice on time. At precisely 7:00 that next morning. I thought it impossible at first, to get up that early, but I remembered I had done it before.
I picked up my supper at Burger King on my way home. I had my music up, and my thoughts were only on Hayden. I had never met a guy this amazing. He was wonderful. He was sweet, and he was determined to get me back on the ice, and for me to full fill my dreams of becoming a famous Ice Skater. He was determined to let all that happen. Any other guy I knew would�ve given up on me, wouldn�t even have tried.
When I got home, I checked my voice mail messages. None of them important enough to do anything with, so I went to sit down and watch some T.V. Still nothing was sinking in my head, My thoughts were drowing in Hayden. I had a hard time sleeping that night, as I thought about the way Hayden held my waist as he picked me up for a triple axle.
Then I thought about how I fell ... and the pain, but that didn�t seem to matter much to me anymore ... it was the fact that I was falling in love again.
***
The alarm clocked screamed in my ear at 6:00. It was so early, the morning sun hadn�t even begun to peek through my windows, but I still drug myself out of bed. I walked sleepily to the bathroom, and took a shower. The hot water ran down my back, as my eyes adjusted, and the rest of my body began to wake up. I dried my hair, and pulled it up like I used to when I�d go practice. In a small bun so it would come out and land in my face. I looked that the costumes I still had in the very back of my closet that I used to wear. I wondered if it�d be too much to wear them just to practice with Hayden. It was easier for me to skate in the costumes, rather than blue jeans, and I hated spandex. I pulled my favourite costume out. It was an icy blue colour, with small diamonds. I had the skates to match. I put them in a bag, so that I could change into them at the rink.
I ran downstairs, and grabbed some breakfast, and a Mountain Dew out of the Refrigerator. I grabbed my purse, and my keys, and then I left. My mind thought all it could at 6:45 in the morning, as I proceeded to the rink. My nervousness had disappeared, as once again I looked forward to practice like I had before. Skating was really my escape from everything. Skating was like a shield from the outside world... I could just concentrate.
Hayden met me in front of the rink. His arms were folded, "You�re late." he said with a smile.
I looked at my watch, "By one minute, oh my Josh Sue Me!" I laughed. He laughed also, and we walked in the rink. I looked at him as I sat my bag down, "I brought my costume from when I did my shows."
Hayden nodded, "As I did. I have one that I used to skate in ... and do every once in a while. I was hoping you would."
I replied, "I�ve gotta go change." I said picking the bag back up, "I�ll be out in a minute."
Hayden nodded, "I�ll just change right here."
I hesitated, boy would I like to see what�s under those clothes, but I went to the ladies bathroom. I had always been taught different ... you�re not supposed to know what a man looks like under his clothes, �until you�re married.� and I knew it should stay that way.
I walked back out onto the ice. I didn�t see Hayden anywhere. I though he was going to change right there in the rink. I shrugged it off, thinking that maybe he went out to his car to get something. I started skating in a circle around the rink, warming up a little, and made a couple of jumps, and landed them too. I stretched my left leg high into the air, while I lowered my upper body toward my right knee. I spread my arms out across the ice, and looked straight ahead. I felt like a bird, I felt like I was flying whenever I did this. It was by far my most favourite trick. As I lifted back up into human form, a sudden blare of music made me jump, abd slip on the ice. I fell to the ground as I wondered toward the stairs where in the world it came from. Then I heard a laugh. It was Hayden. I looked back toward the stairs where I heard the laughing come from. Sure enough Hayden stood there and laughed at me. I had fallen. I guess I did look pretty stupid. I mean first I jumped, then I slipped, then I fell. Hayden skated toward me, and helped me up off the ice. He still laughed, but he apologised for scaring me, "I was just setting up some music so we could have something to skate too." he said.
"Sure." I laughed. Then I thanked him for being a gentlemen and helping me up off the ice.
"Okay, so let me go start the music again." he said, "This time don�t jump, slip, and fall."
"I won�t." I said, "I�m not that clumsy. To be jump at the same thing twice."
He nodded, and then skated back toward the stairs that led up to the announcers station, which is where the stereo was located. I started skating again, and prepared for the big blare of music. The second time the music blared, it startled me, but not enough to make me fall. The song he had playing was called "Come What May" It was slow, and it was one of my favourites. I turned around and waited for Hayden. He skated slowly toward me, and with a smile put out his hand, "May I have this skate me lady?" he asked in a British accent.
I laughed, and put my hand in his, "Yes you may sir." I said also in a British accent. He smiled at me.
"Show me what ya got." he whispered, "And we�ll create a dance."
I smiled. His breath hit my neck, which sent chills down my back. Oh what I would do to have this man. I skated ahead of him, and kneeled at his feet. My right leg spread across the ice, while my left held my body up. I lifted my hand up to him, and he took it. Slowly he pulled me up, and I was back to his face hand in hand we were. He spun me out, and I spun back in. He picked me up, and held me above his head, and then looked at me, "If I throw you... with a spin ... can you land?"
I nodded, "We can see if I can." I smiled.
He nodded, and threw me up with a spin; I came back down straight, and landed perfectly. I smiled at him, "Apparently I can."
He grabbed me from behind, and I slid between his legs, and then stood. We stopped, and looked at each other. He was simply irresistible, and all I wanted was to kiss his soft lips. He grabbed me in close to him before I could do anything. Our lips were centimetres apart, and then they connected. We stood in the middle of the rink, and shared the most passionate kiss I�ve ever shared in my life. This was something I knew would last forever.
We took a break from the ice the next day, and instead we hung out. First Hayden took me back to his house that he shared with his brother Tove. "Tove never thought I�d keep a girl." Hayden told me. We were playing pool in their basement, "But I think I�m gonna prove him wrong."
I laughed, "I�m a keeper?" I asked.
"Who said I was talking about you?" he smiled.
"Nobody, but you better be talking about me." I replied.
He laughed, and tackled me in hug again, and then kissed me, "You know I was talking about you." he whispered.
I smile at his brilliance, and then proceeded to beat him in the game of pool that we were playing.
That afternoon we went to my house, where we spent the majority of the rest of the day in my pool. Between trying to drown each other, and playing chicken with my next door neighbours, Hayden and I always seemed to find time to let one another know that we were thinking about the other.
I had never had this much fun with a guy in my life. In my past relationships, I spent all my time being serious. Worring about the romantic stuff, when with Hayden, we had fun. We laughed together, we played like little kids. We just had fun. I prayed that this would last forever. I had a image in my head of Hayden and I when we�re old and wrinkly playing chicken in the pool. I laughed at the image, and looked at this man, who I hoped was falling in love with me.
"Valessa." he called from across the pool, "Let�s race."
I laughed, "Race? No... I don�t do races."
"Yes you do, come on."
I smiled, and nodded, "Okay, whoever makes it to the other side of the pool wins."
"What do you get as a reward?" he asked.
I smiled, "A passionate kiss from the loser."
He smiled, "Now that�s my kind reward."
I laughed. I leaned against the side of the pool ready to push off at the say of �Go` I stared at his wet head. He looked so good wet ... I just couldn�t get over it.
"Are you saying go or am I saying go?" he asked after a moment of no one saying Go
" I don�t know I thought you were going to say go." I replied.
"It�s your pool you said Go."
"But saying Go will ruin my train of thought." I replied.
"Fine, the dog�s say go!� he said looking at my little puppy Black Lab, who I had named Jedi.
I laughed, "The Dog can�t talk, sweetie."
He looked at me, and smiled, and then in a bark he said, "Go". I pushed off of the wall, and headed towards the other side of the pool. Hayden passed me, but I grabbed his swimming trunks to pull him back. Hayden looked back at me, and smiled. We were under water, and something about being under water, made our hormones go crazy. Instead of finishing the race, and sharing the passionate kiss. Our bodies floated up toward the surface, and when our heads broke through, I looked at Hayden, "We were supposed to finish the race." I smiled.
He held me close to him, and my arms were wrapped around him, "I�d rather be right here." he whispered.
I smiled, and then we again fell into a passionate, intimate kiss. My legs were wrapped around his waist. I must�ve felt so light to him in the water. He held me gently, and kissed me softly. Yes, I was definitely falling in love with this man. This man I had only met two days ago. Thois man, and me ... little o pathetic me...
The next few weeks were spent with Hayden and only Hayden. Tove said that we mid as well be connected at the hip, because every where I was ... Hayden was. This is when I decided we needed a short small break from each other. I didn�t want to ruin something by getting to much of it at first. It�s like with a sandwich, you don�t want to cram the whole thing in your mouth at one time. You should want to take bites of it, and enjoy it.
So I told Hayden I was going back to New York to visit my friend and family.
"With out me?" he asked in this high pitched shrill voice, "You�re leaving with out me?"
"Looks that way, but it�s not like I�m going to be there forever. Only 3 or 4 days."
Hayden looked a little disappointed, "But what am I supposed to do with out you?"
"Well, you lived 21 years of your life without me before, I think you can manage 3 or 4 days." I replied. Did I sound a little rud about it? Like I didn�t care that I was leaving him? It was really one of the hardest decisions I has to make. I really wanted him to come with me, but I didn�t want to ruin a relationship that we can be, and will be. I just didn�t want to get too much of him, at one time.
"How could you be so insensitive about this?" he asked.
"Hayden, listen... I think we�ve been spending too much time together. I love it I really do, but I�m just scared we may be taking in too much at a time, and then before too long we�ll be so tired of each other. I don�t want that."
He nodded, "Okay." he looked at me seriously, "There�s not another man involved?"
I laughed, "No sweety." I hugged him, and then we kissed, "I�ll call you though. Like every night till I get home. And when I get Home, I�m coming to your house first."
"What if I�m not here."
"You better be there..." I laughed, "Or I�ll just go back Home."
He smiled, and took my hand, "I wanna show you something." he said. We started walking through the woods.
"You�re not bringing me out here to kill me or anything are you?" I asked.
"I wouldn�t bring you out here to kill you." he said.
"Where would you bring me?"
"To the deepest patches of Ivy...." he looked at me and smiled.
"I�m glad I know you wouldn't really kill me." I said.
He looked at me daringly, "How do you know?" he said in a deep rough whisper.
I laughed. We continued through the woods, stepping over large fallen trees, and making our way through long branches that hung from trees. Finally we came to an opend field. It was beautiful, walls of flowers it looked like. Flowers of every colour were right there in the field, "This is my special place. I come here to get away from the ugly of the world. I'm convinced this is the only beautiful place one earth."
I looked at him. He really was a beautiful soul. "Hayden.... I never thought life loved me. But when I met you... I realised... that I was just as important as everyone else in this world."
"I want to be with you forever." he said, "I feel like I know you inside and out... I promised you I'd fall in love you... and I know we've only known each other for almost 3 months, but I could almost swear I love you now."
Our lips connected, "I do love you." I whispered to him. We fell to the ground in the middle of the continuos roll of flowers. He laid on top of me, as we kissed... we kissed over and over again. Long passionate kisses... kisses that should win prizes. Beautiful, lovely, wonderful, kisses.
The week I spent without Hayden was the worst week of my life. Family and Friends, they were all being fun and stuff, but with out Hayden... I felt so empty. I wondered at night how I even went 20 years of my life with out him. My cousin Gail was like my best friend sometimes. She and I would talk about things... and Hayden was our main topic of conversation.
"So, what do you think about him? How do you feel? And how come you didn't bring him with you?!" Gail demanded.
I laughed at her constant row of question, "I think he's a beautiful, wonderful person, and I like him a lot... I love him even, and I didn't bring him w/me, because I felt like we were spending too much time together. I thought we were getting too much of each other... and I didn't want to ruin something we could have, by getting too much of it at one time."
She looked at me strangely, "But you're dying w/out him." she said.
"I know I am, but I'm living. I had to do this... it was for our own benefit."
"Well, next time you're going to bring him." she demanded, "I have to meet this perfect guy you say he is."
I smiled dreaming, "He is perfect. He's so good to me, and he encourages me, he got me back on the ice. A place I thought I'd never return too."
She smiled, "I was gonna get you back there, whether you liked it or not."
"I think I'm in love. I've never felt like this before... but I really... I really think I am in love... and always will be with this man. This perfect man that he is."
"Valessa... you're too young to be in love." she said.
"I'm 20 years old... I can be in love."
She laughed, "Love is a wonderful thing. David and I ... we're love."
"Hayden and I... we're love." I mocked.
She hit my arm, and stood up, "I have to go to work. Listen you better come by and see me before you leave tomorrow."
"I will." I said, "I'll come see you."
Gail hugged me, and then she left the room. I looked out the window, and into the clouds. Hayden was back in my head. O how I missed him, how I wanted to be there with him. I wondered if he and Tove were fighting, they usually did when they were together, and that's probably where Hayden was now. With Tove... or maybe he was at the ice rink skating... thinking about me... maybe thinking about holding me like he usually did.
I had nothing to do with out Hayden. I was so bored, I thought I would die of boredom, before I died of missing Hayden.
"Hayden I miss you so much." I said later on that night. I had called him at the precise time I told him I would. I thought I'd pass out if I didn't call him before.
"You miss me... I'm dying over here Val... you gotta come back home. Tove is about to drive me INSANE!" he said.
"I'll be home tomorrow." I told him, "and I'm gonna spend all the time I can with you when I get back."
"Do you regret leaving me behind?" he asked.
"No, because it was the right thing to do... but now I gotta make up a weeks worth of not seeing you."
He smiled, and laughed evilly, "Hehehe... a lot more action!"
I laughed, "Shut up."
I heard him laughing on the other line too. I loved the way he laughed, and they way his belly jiggled when he laughed, "My cousin Gail wants to meet you." I said.
"Why?"
"Cause I came and made everyone thinks you're god of some type." I smiled.
"Oho I'm a god." he said.
"I didn't say that... Gail said that. I just think you're perfect."
"Have you had a hard time sleeping w/out me?"
"Every night." I replied, "And I've been looking up to the moon... and wondering if you're looking at that same moon."
"I was." he said.
"No you weren't." I laughed, because I had heard the doubt in his voice.
"I know." he laughed, "When you get back... I have to show you something... you'll get a kick out of it."
"What is it?"
"I taught your dog how to pick his nose." he laughed.
"What???" I shrilled in a laugh.
"He can actually stick his claw in his nostril and pull out a doggy booker." he said.
"Oh my gosh, I have to see this." I laughed. I hardly believed. Actually I didn't believe it. I don't know how a dog could pick his nose.
"You do is hilarious." he laughed.
"Oh Hayden, you're something else. I'm glad I like you."
I could almost see him smile on the other line. Sadly enough I had to hang up. I was running up Gail's phone bill, and it was heading on toward 2 o'clock in the morning. I had to be up early to be back home in time to spend lots of time w/ Hayden.
"Sweetie I have to go. But I'm gonna get home early tomorrow so you better be at home."
"I'll be at home, waiting on you." he said, "And I'll dream about you tonight."
"You better." I smiled, "Good night." I whispered into the phone.
"I love you." he whispered back.
"Me too." we hesitated to hang up the phone, but we knew we had too. And at the same time, our phones clicked, and we hung up.
Life had done me well. I was in love, and would be forever. Back on the Ice too, doing what I loved to do. Hayden in my life. For once everything was perfect. PERFECT!
"Hayden... Tove... I'm back." I called as I walked throught the door of their home. I thought it was odd that Hayden... wasn't waiting on me outside his house. I had just called him to let him know I was 2 minutes from his house... and he wasn't waiting on me! "Hayden! Baby I'm back!" I called again. My voice seemed to echo through the house. It sounded empty of humans. I couldn't hear feet, or breathing. I made my way through the house, calling, but no one answered. I went back downstairs and stood in the middle of the living room. I was slumped... disappointed that he wasn't here. I hadn't seen my love in 4 days... and he wasn't home when I finally get back. I dragged on back out to my car, and drove back to my house. I called Hayden's house, but the phone rang and rang and rang, and no answer. I gean to get a little worried. I had just talked to him less than 30 minutes ago.
I walked in the door of my house. The cold air hit my face. I could tell Hayden had been here, because he always kept my house cold. He said I keep it too hot. "Jedi." I said, "I'm home." My dog... where was he now? He didn't even greet me. I looked around the house, "Hayden are you here?" I called, "Hayden?? JEDI!" Okay this was getting ridiculous. Where was every body? I felt like I was in an episode of the Twilight Zone. I leave for 4 days, come back, and no one is HOME! The house was silent, and I looked around. Suddenly a loud scream of the phone startled me almost to the point where I was going to scream. I sighed with relief when I realised it was the phone. I picked it up, "Hello?" I answered.
"Sweetie doesn't be so jumpy." It was Hayden.
"Where are you?" I asked. I was irritated, very irritated with him.
"Jedi is picking his nose for me. Come out to the pool." he said.
"Have you been watching me the whole time?"
"No, only to the part where you looked like you were going to cry. I couldn't bare to see you cry, so I called you."
"And scared the crap put of me. Why didn't you just come in?"
"Just come out to the pool... I'm missing you right now, and you're less than 100 feet away from me!"
I hung up, and ran out to the pool dying to see my love. I jumped in the pool clothes and all when I got out there. I jumped right into his arms. He held me, in a hug, and we kissed, "I missed you." he said.
"You missed me? The past few nights have been horrible." I said , "Gail was about to drive me insane."
"Who's Gail?"
"My cousin... she was angry cause I didn't bring you with me. Next time she wants me to bring you."
"Well, hopefully you will next time. I about had to kill Tove."
"I brought you something." I said, dragging my wet self out of the pool. The clothes seemed to weigh me down. I was drenched, and I couldn't believe that I just jumped in the pool clothes and all.
"Oho PRESENTS!" he said like a child, getting out behind me.
"They're inside." I said. We walked into the cold house, "Hayden... don't ever touch the air conditioner in this house again!" I demanded.
"Sweetie if we're gonna get married, you gotta get used to the cold air." he said.
"No... if you move in here baby... you gotta get used to the moderately warm air."
"Just show me my present." he smiled.
I laughed softly, and rummaged through my bags, pulling out a plastic bag from the mall. "These are for you." I said, "And Jedi!" I always got my dog a present whenever I went anywhere with out him, "And Jedi look at what I got you!" I went to the front door, and got this big fluffy bed I had bought him. "It's all for you."
"Good grief it's a king size bed!" Hayden looking at it. "How'd that fit in your car???" He looked in the bag, and pulled out a silver pair of Ice Skaters. One was a girl, the other a guy. They were skating together, and one the back of the guys costume it said forever. Hayden smiled at me, "I love it." he said and he hugged me.
"I've promised you forever now." I whispered.
"I promised you forever the first day I saw you."
We laughed, and then looked at Jedi. He was already spread out across the fluffy bed, and snoozing. "I see he likes his present as well." Hayden said with his arm around me.
I looked at him, "Let me go get my bathing suit on, and then I'll come out to the pool."
He smiled, "I'll be waiting." he began to walk toward the door to walk outside, but he stopped, "Oh and wear that little baby blue bathing suit that I like so much."
I laughed, "You mean the one that the top came off when I jumped off the diving board."
"Yeah!" He smiled really bag.
I smiled, and then nodded my head, "NO." I said.
"That's not right!"
"Go drown or something." I said, "I'll be out in a minute."
I could hear him chuckle on his way out the door, as I went to get in my bathing suit. I did wear the baby blue one, but this time I tied the top really tight. It had been embarrassing when it came over my head the time before I wore it, this time it wasn't going to happen. I smiled, glad to be backing home.
"Tove... has Hayden talked about getting married?" It was 3 days later, and Tove and I were going out to pick up Hayden's birthday present. Hayden was at home with my dog.
Tove looked at me, and then back out toward the street that that we were walking down, "I'm not saying anything." he replied.
"Come on, tell me." I begged, "I just want to know, if he's mentioned getting married."
Tove sighed, and looked out at the road, and then back to me, "Why?" he asked.
"Just a simply yes or no answer will do Tove." I said.
"Yes."
I smiled, "What's he said about it?" my heart raced.
"I can't tell you this stuff Val... I just can't." Tove protested.
"Yes, you can, because I may be your sister in law one day!"
"I can't tell you anything... I won't tell you anything... and you can't make me tell you anything."
I looked at him and sighed, "Fine."
"Fine."
"Fine." I said again.
"Fine." he said too.
"Fine."
"Fine."
"Oh my god will you just shut up with the fine's." I said aggravated.
He laughed, "So Hayden tells me you've got a competition coming up, with ice skating thing."
"Yeah." I said in a high pitched sort of sigh, "and I'm really nervous, because my ex... Timothy is going to be there."
"Hayden told me, you and Timothy never really officially broke up."
"No, but we haven't seen or talked to each other in 2 years."
"But I think it would be good if you two made it clear to each other, that you were no longer together."
"If I even talk him, I'm not going to bring it up." I said, "He's got enough sense to know, that if you haven't talked to each other in 2 years, you're most likely broke up. Besides, he's probably moved on, and gotten married by now. I don't know."
He smiled, "It had to be like fate or something that brought you and Hayden together."
I laughed, "And why do you say that?"
"Well... why did you all of the sudden want to the see the ice, when you hadn't seen it in two years? Why did Hayden tear ligaments in his leg, and then be at the rink practising? Don't you think it's kind of odd?"
"You talk, like we had talked before and we planned this." I said.
"You guys had never met before, so there's no possible way that could've happened, but maybe it was like this force that just brought you two together."
"Okay, you've seen too many Star Wars movies." I said.
Tove shook his head, "You are so hard headed."
"Am not."
"Yes you are."
"No, I'm not."
"Yeah, sweetie hate to break it to ya but you are!"
Tove and I argued all of the time like this. Like brother and sister. I loved Tove though, he had become like family to me.
I shook my head, "So what makes you think Hayden wants a new Hockey set for his birthday?"
"Well, lets see, he kinda basically told me." he replied.
"He didn't tell me anything. He said for me not to get him anything."
"Well don't."
"He's my boyfriend, I have too. Besides I love him, and he deserves something every once in a while."
" 2 years from now you'll be saying, 'and besides he's my husband, begin his wife is enough' "
I laughed, "No... I won't."
"Trust me you will."
I looked at him, and then my cell phone rang, "Hello?" I answered.
"Hey baby."
"Oh hey Hayden!" I said.
"I know you're shopping, but do you know where Tove is?"
I looked at Tove, and then crossed my fingers, "No, I haven't seen him today."
"Well, I kinda wanted to tell him something. Are you sure he's not with you?"
"Yeah."
"Well, that's odd because I'm standing right behind you, and I could almost swear that's the back of his head."
I turned red, and looked around behind me, "Hey Hayden." I smiled.
Tove turned around, and looked at Hayden, "Hey Hay."
"Baby." Hayden said grabbing my butt, "You lied to me."
"I'm fixing to lie you if you grab my butt again." I said sternly, but he knew I was kidding.
"So, where are you going, and why wasn't I invited?" he asked.
We continued down the street, "Because... you weren't." I said.
"Oh I see." Hayden said, "You and Tove are having an affair."
"Yes." I said dramatically throwing myself in Tove's arm, "I'm madly in love with your brother and there's nothing you can do about it!"
Hayden laughed, and pulled me off of his brother, "Well, I'm madly in love with you, and you can't change that." He wrapped his arms around me.
I looked at him, and our mouths came together in another kiss. Tove stood by impatiently, "Can we keep walking." he said.
"Just go on ahead." Hayden said showing him away, "We'll catch up."
I looked at him, and smiled, and once again we kissed.
The candlelight hit my face. Hayden's beautiful self sat across from me, his gorgeous smile. "Happy birthday Hayden." I whispered.
"I'm so glad you're here to celebrate my birthday... and there's one thing I want for my birthday from you."
I looked at him curiously, "What is it?" I asked.
"Well... " he began, and then his fork fell to the floor, "Let me get that." he said getting out of his seat and kneading on the floor to find the fork that had fallen. I was sort of embarrassed. My 22-year-old boyfriend was crawling around on the floor, and everyone was staring. Hayden shocked me when popped his head right beside me at my chair, "Hey look what I found on the floor." He smiled, and held up to beautiful diamond ring and me. It shimmered in the candle light, as my breath was taken away by it.
"Oh my gosh, Hayden." I said.
"For my birthday, I want to know if you'll marry me?" he asked. I stared into his eyes, as tears seemed to flood out of them. I had never been so happy in my life. I couldn't say anything. My mouth wouldn't open, my mind wouldn't work. I couldn't say yes, I couldn't say no, and not that I wanted to say no. I was just blank...
He smiled at me still, and wiped my tears away with his thumb, "I love you Valessa." he said, "and I want to be with you forever, and ever till my life is no more, and till the world has ended, and beyond. I'll be the best to you... I'll love you... and give you a family. I'll give you anything you need because I love you so much."
"Oh Hayden." I whispered in a cry, "I don't have anything to say. I don't know what to say."
"Whatever it is, don't say no." he replied with a little chuckle.
I chuckled too, and wrapped my arms around his neck, "yes." I cried, "Yes, I want to be with you forever and ever and beyond too. I want to have a family with you... I want you by my side."
I looked at Hayden, as a tear rolled down his face, "I love you so much Val." he said.
"I love you too." I whispered.
***
Words couldn't describe the way I felt. I was so happy and excited that I had butterflies. Hayden couldn't stop smiling. I wondered if he slept smiling. He said he couldn't sleep at all. Tove said he knew Hayden was going to ask me the night of his birthday, and he said he thought I knew, because I was asking about it. But I had no clue. I didn't know. I was glad though. I started thinking about my kids. What they would look like, and what I would name them.
Hayden came up behind me, and picked me up and carried me to the couch, "I can't wait till our honeymoon." he whispered in a daring laugh.
I laughed too, and caught his lips, "Me neither." I wjispered, "And we'll do it all night."
He smiled big and sucked in his breath, "I can't wait." he said in a dark rough whipser. He sounded so sexy whenever he talked like this. I just wanted to do it right then and there. But no... I couldn't. It was temptation I had resisted, and that Hayden had respected me for. But I knew he was about to bust. I could see the desire he had sometimes.
I remembered to call Gail up. She wanted to know if anything happened between me and Hayden that she needed to know about to call her. I did, and she arranged for us to come visit her beofre we got married. I was ready to look for wedding dresses. I wanted beautiful ones... long gorgeous silvery white dresses. Every time I saw Hayden walking down the hallway of my house or his house, I just grabbed him in a hug, or a long passionate kiss. The thought of spending the rest of my life with him, kept me awake all night, kept my desires for him even stronger. I wanted him, I loved him. I wanted to fill him. But then an awful thought came to my head, 'what would I do, when I saw Timothy at the competition.' Would my desires, and love I had for him suddenly come back? Or would there be nothing? I didn't know then, but I would find out in 2 days.
Our eyes were locked. His crystal blue put my dark brown in paralyse. I hadn't seen him 3 years now, and here we were face to face, going head to head in a contest.
"Valessa... didn't expect to see you here." Timothy said in a shocked surprised questionable voice.
"I didn't expect to be here either... but I got here." I replied. He was gorgeous, there was no doubt about that... but I was a newly engaged woman here.
"You just left Val..." he said, "Where did you go?"
"Here." I replied, "To start a new life... but... fate wouldn't allow it. Fate wanted me back on the ice."
"How long were you off?" he asked.
"The day I left... until 10 months ago." I looked at Hayden who sat on the first row right behind me, "He got me back on the ice. He taught me how to skate. He taught me everything."
Timothy looked behind me, at Hayden. Hayden smiled encouragement, not knowing that, that was Timothy, my ex. "Isn't he an actor or something?"
"Yeah... but there are things about him no one knows."
He looked at the floor, and then back at me, "So, did you ever get married? Have a boyfriend?"
"I'm getting married." I said, "To him." I looked again at Hayden behind me.
Timothy looked back at Hayden and then back to me, "Let me guess... you found out he could teach you how to skate so you started practising with him, and he got all lovely dove on you... is that correct?"
I shook my head, and rolled my eyes, "It's a long story, and probably one you'll never here."
"Val... What happened to us? We used to be such... such great lovers. You left Val... And ruined us."
"I ruined us?" I said in a loud tone of voice almost yelling, "No I didn't ruin us. We were already ruined. You hardly ever encouraged. You hardly ever told me the good things. Only the negative, because you had the better experience. Because you know better. It was always YOU."
"What about you... you just up and left town. Nobody knew where you were! We had a search warrant up for you, for a year, and then someone finally called in and said they spotted you, and that you were okay. The whole town was worried about you... they thought you were dead... gone! Don't tell me it was never about YOU."
"It was NEVER about me Timothy Goebel!" I almost screamed, "Never." she said softer, "I was always worried about you. I was always thinking about the other people in my life... when I was the one falling apart. I never thought about myself. And I snapped... and you saw me when I snapped. That's the only part you saw!"
There was silence, until Timothy spoke again, "All I wanted, was to be with you. Was to hold you forever in my arms, and love you."
"It's too late for that now. Hayden's gonna hold me forever, and love me forever."
I watched as tears built up in his eyes. His cheeks turned red, and walked away from me. I watched him walk. I watched him move. God I missed him... I really did. Why did I just blow it!
Why had I just made him feel so bad! Why couldn't I have been nice for a change! He was my best friend... before we became one. And the chance I had to make it right again, I had just blown. I looked at Hayden who looked at me in curiosity. I walked over to him.
"Who was that guy?" he asked me.
Tove leaned over, and hit Hayden in the head, "It was her ex you him dim wit." he said.
Hayden looked at me, "That was Timothy?"
I shook my head in silence, "Yeah."
"What did he say to you? What did he do? If he hurt you I'm gonna go beat his."
"He didn't do anything." I cut him off, "I was horrid to him." I said.
Hayden saw my hurt, and wrapped his arms around me from across the wall, "It's okay." he whispered.
There wasn't much I could do, to convince Timothy to forgive me for my words. I couldn't explain to him, what made me say those things? It was like something else was yelling those things out to him. Some thing that didn't want us to be friends or even talks to each other. Timothy said I was crazy, and walked on.
The competition went well. I won 2nd place, Timothy won 1st. I smiled happy that I had even made it in the top.
"Hayden, did you see me out there! I was terrific!" I bragged.
Hayden laughed, and held my waist picking me up, and twirling me around, "You were great... you were beautiful."
I smiled and looked up to the sky, "and it felt so good." I said almost so soft, that it was a whipser. I looked back down at my fiancee, "And you're the reason why I'm here Hayden. You got me back out there."
He hung his head. He didn't want the credit that I was giving him. He didn't like that. He just wanted to be Hayden. The one who loved me... and not the one who got me back on the ice. "You did it yourself." he told me.
"Yeah, you did it yourself." Tove said aggravated, "All these people are making me nauseated, let's get out of here."
I laughed, "Tove, you always have a problem."
He smiled, and put his arm around me. Hayden had his other arm around me, and we walked out of the arena.
Later on that night Hayden cooked for me. He loved cooking, and for me winning 2nd place, he was going to cook me up a special treat. He sprinkled seasoning across the steak that he was grilling, "This is what I like to call the Hayden Steak." he said.
"Why cause you ate it?" Tove remarked.
"No you idiot... cause nobody... I repeat nobody can cook a steak quiet like tihs." he smirked.
I laughed, "I gotta have this steak." I rubbed my hands togehter, like I was heating up over a fire.
"And this salad I'm making... it puts the true meaning to 'Tossed Salad'. " he picked up the bowl he had the salad in, and through it in the air. I don't know how he kept the salad from falling out of the bowl but he did.
I laughed even harder, "Oh my gosh how did you do that?"
"It's a Christensen thing." he replied.
"No it's not! I can't even do that!" Tove yelled.
Hayden smiled, and concentrated on his steak that he was making me. I watched him concentrate. I watched his eyes. I watched his moves. Everything he did I loved. The way he would smile, or just the simple way he moved his mouth when he spoke. I loved it all.
I loked at Tove, he watched Hayden, and then me, "Val... So who was the guy you were talking to at the arena?"
I looked down at the counter, "That was my ex." I replied almost silently, "I kind of told him off."
"Some guys need it." Tove said.
"He wasn't one of them." I replied.
Hayden looked at me, "Hey, sweetie don't fret it. He never did you right anyway right?"
I didn't reply. I just sat silently and watched him cook the steak.
The night progressed, and we ate supper. Hayden's steak was something of great taste. I couldn't explain it, but it was better than any steak you could get at Texas Road house! Hayden and Tove and I talked about our future to come. I promised Tove I'd get him together with one of my friends. But I had no friends. I left all of them!
Hollywood actor Hayden Christensen was seen at an Ice Skating Competition this past weekend. With his brother Tove Christensen, was also another girl who won second place in the competition. Hayden and this unidentified girl were caught kissing and hugging at the end of the competition heading out the door. The question on every girls mind this week is who is this girl, and are they together?
I watched with a horrified face, as my face was platered across the television screen. Word was out now. I would be followed... Hayden, o my poor Hayden will be harassed by thousands of reports, and magazine editors. The telephone screamed. I reached down and picked it up, "Hello?" I answered still in stock.
"Are Watching ET?" It was Tove.
"Tove, yes... it was supposed to be secret. No one was supposed to find out!" I cried. Tears hadn't poured out yet, but they were going to.
"Val, it's okay. It's something that Hollywood had to find out about. They always find out, no matter how hard you try. Besides, isn't good to have your face in magazines with one of People's Most 50 Beautiful People?"
"Tove, this isn't funny. Hayden didn't want all this to happen. He didn't want me to get into this stardom thing."
"If he didn't want you in it, he should've nevermeven started to date you." Tove protested.
" I don't even know where Hayden is right now. Probably at the grocery store getting hounded by news reporters!"
"Don't be so dramatic. Hayden is fine... he's used to it."
"Yeah I know... but... we just didn't want everyone to know." I said softly.
"Half the world probably didn't even see that. The Premier of Survivor is on tonight... right now. Everyone was watching that." he tried to make me feel better.
"Tove you and I both know, no one is watching that show..." I said.
"We may be wrong."
"Okay then what about the other million people in the world??"
"Val... Just don't fret it okay? Listen I'll go finds Hayden if it'll make you feel any better, and we'll come over, and he'll make you a Hayden Steak."
I laughed, "Tove, you don't have to do that... Hayden I'll be fine."
He smiled on the other line, "Well, I'm going to drop by your house, after I go pick up Giddy from the Vet." Giddy was his pet cat.
"Okay... that's fine. Tove... when I die I want to come back just like you." I smiled.
"What happy and handsome?"
I laughed, and then said, "Bye Tove."
We hung up, and I looked back at the television. They were on a separate topic now, not concerning Hayden or me. I laughed at how worried I had been, and then got up to get me something to drink.
30 minutes later Hayden walked through the door, "Val... I'm back." he said shutting the door behind him.
"In here." I called back.
He smiled and walked to the kitchen with a brown paper bag in one hand, and a bottle of wine in the other.
I felt his soft arms wrap around my waist gently, and his tender lips lightly kiss my neck. He whispered deep, and gently into my ear, "To my future wife." He showed me the bottle of wine, and the handed me the brown paper bag. I turned around in his arms and looked at him, with a curious smile on my face.
"What's this for?" I asked him in a whisper.
"For everything you've ever given to me... and that's a life."
I smiled at him, and his sweet words. I put the glass of wine down on the counter, and opened the brown paper bag. Inside sat a velvet black box. It was so small in the bag. I looked at Hayden before I took it out, and then reached down in the bottom of the bag, and pulled out the box. It was a box that held jewellery I knew that much. He wasn't proposing... because he already had. I was so clue less as to what he would've gotten me this time. My hands lifted the top of the box slowly and piece by piece revealed pieces of diamond and silver. My eyes glistened at every gorgeous piece revealed to my eyes until finally I saw the whole thing. It was a gorgeous diamond necklace, and there was a pendant of a heart... and inscribed on the diamond heart were the words 'Forever'. A single tear streamed downs my cheek, as I looked back up at this wonderful man. "Hayden... you didn't have to get this. You didn't have to do this for me."
"But I wanted to." he smiled, "Because I love you. And I wanted to give you my promise of forever."
I wrapped my arms around him tightly and cried, "You are my forever." I whispered to him.
We stood in the middle of the kitchen. In a passionale moment. Kissing the most passionate kisses, and whispering the most passionate words. That was the first moment in my life, that I had finally realised who 'the one' was. And 'the one' was Hayden.
Our passion was interrupted by the fake coughing of Tove. Hayden and I looked up, and found Tove standing in the doorway of the kitchen. "Sorry," he said, "But I'll had been hanging on each other for about 5 minutes now."
I laughed, and hugged Tove too, "and I love you." I said, and pecked him on the cheek.
Hayden smiled, and laughed at Tove's shocked face, "It's okay bro." Hayden took my hand in his, "Let's drink this wine shall we?"
Tove nodded, "Yes lets... and let's get so drunk... that Val will think I'm you... and we can sleep together!"
I laughed, "Even when I am drunk as a skunk you can't count on any sleeping arrangements to be done here."
We opened the bottle of wine, and shared memories, both from our childhoods, and other things that had happened to us during our lives. We laughed, and we cried at good memories and bad. I loved these two men... and these were my friends. My ONLY friends.
After realising that Tove and Hayden were my only friends... all the things of my life all seemed to open up. Why I had no parents... why I had no best friends... why there were no girl friends to hang out with. I had spent all of my time looking for Mr. Right and not even realising I was missing everything in life. I missed having friends.
I seemed to be in sort of a daze the next morning. I was thinking. About everything. Friends mostly. A girl needs friends. Men don't understand everything... but then... maybe they do. I had gotten along well with out any 'girl friends'. Tove seemed to understand me... and Hayden understood me better than anyone ever has.
"Hey baby." Hayden's sleepy hands massaged the tenants above my shoulders.
"Good morning." My voice was soft and disturbed.
"What's eating at ya today? You seem like something is wrong." he walked over to the coffee pot and poured him a cup of coffee. I hated coffee.
"No... Nothing's wrong." I said.
He plopped down in front of me with a you-can't-fool-me look, "Val... I know you... and I know your voice... and I know when something is wrong... what is it?"
"It's no big okay?" I asked a little irritated.
"Val! I wanna know... so I can make it better."
"You can't make it better!" I almost yelled, "It's something that's developed from my own mistakes... that were in the past... and nothing can be changed about them."
Hayden looked at me. Shocked at my tone of voice. Shocked at the aggravation. He stood up almost angry and walked out of the kitchen.
"Hayden." I begged, "Hayden I didn't meant to yell like that." I just sat there for a moment. It occurred to me that Hayden and I had never had our first big fight... and we were getting married!
I stared at the pool from the kitchen window. Tove walked into the kitchen, "What'd you say to him?" he asked me.
I just shook my head. If I wouldn't tell my own fiancee what was wrong... I sure couldn't tell his brother!
"Val... What wrong with you? You were happy last night... now you're just... you're not right."
"Tove... it's like I told Hayden. They are my mistakes from the past... and I can't fix them. That's what is wrong with me."
"If you can't fix them. Then don't worry about it. It was in the past, and that's where it belongs."
"It's not that easy." I cried, "Tove I never had friends! And I suddenly realised why... and now I just feel so stupid!"
"You have friends now. You have me... and Hayden... and Gail! Your cousin! You have friends."
"That's not the kind of friends I'm talking about." I said, "I'm talking about the kind of friends you share your deepest thoughts with. The kinds you have sleep over... and sneak out and meet your friends... or other friends at a party. Those kinds of friends! I never had that... and it was because I spent all my time looking for a husband... and worring about ice-skating. I should've lived!"
"Okay, what did you dream last night?" Tove asked in a what's-wrong-with-this-girl tone of voice.
I sighed heavy and rollend my eyes. Hayden was standing at the pool staring deep into the water, as if he were going to dive in, "Tove I love that man. I love him more than anything in the world."
Tove nodded, "Well, I'm glad because you're going to be marring the man in a while... and you just promised each other forever last night. So I hope you love him."
"I'm scared I'll hurt him. I'm scared he won't want to be my friend anymore."
Tove laughed, and then realising how serious I was sobered up, "He loves you Val.. And he's not going to let a few hurt feelings get in the way of your forever."
I looked down at the pale yellow and white-checkered tablecloth below me, "I guess I should go talk to him. Let him know I love him. Because I don't think he knows that."
Tove smiled, "I think he does... but maybe you just need to go talk about your future. Plan everything out. I think you both are woried about this marriage."
I looked out the window at Hayden, and then stood up. "Tove... I can't let him doubt." I walked out of the kitchen and out the glass doors that led out to the pool. Hayden looked up at me, and then looked back down into the pool.
"Hayden... can we talk?" I asked.
"What are you breaking the engagement?" he asked dully and sarcastically like he wouldn't give a care in the world if I did.
"No." I replied. And I heard a sigh of relief come from him, "I want to tell you everything that you don't know about me. I want to talk about our future. I just want to talk, about everything.!"
He looked at me and nodded. We sat down together by the pool. Our feet hung in the water.
And I began my story of my life.
"I don't like my past." I explained to Hayden, "I hate my past... I hate my mistakes... that's why I don't reflect upon it often."
Hayden's adoring eyes looked at me curiously. The pool water wrinkled in the wind slapped our legs.
"Hayden, my parents died when I was 10. I was told by all of my relatives, it was my fault they died, and to this day, I believe it. They were supposed to make me to my skate practices. I kept bugging them about it... they both were down with the flue or something. So they finally got up and took me." I paused as the memories came back, "They said they had to stop by the drug store anyway, so it was no big problem. When we pulled out of the drug store, and truck came and slammed into the side of us. I remember the screeching of the tires... and my parents screamed. I fell to the floorboard as the glass shattered all over the place. After the screeching, and after I stopped spinning everything was silent. There was no traffic to be heard... it was silent. I remember thinking I had died. I remembered my parents, and I jumped to make sure they were okay... but their eyes were closed. I figured they had passed out or something. The ambulance came, and rescued me out of the car. My head was gashed up pretty bad. What I remember most though about the day, is when they told me my parents had died. I remember just standing there in front of everyone screaming... crying... wanting to see them. I didn't believe it, not for one second. As the days passed, I was sent on to live with my Uncle Matt and Aunt Tonya in Kentucky. That was only for a year or two before they passed me onto my other Uncles and Aunts. And every relative basically told me it was my fault they were dead. They would say, 'you know it's ashamed that you made them take you to skate practice.' After that, I grew up. I hated everyone who made fun of me because I had no parents, and before too long I took it out on every girl that even tried to talk to me. That's why I never had any girlfriends. Only guy friens. Hayden... you and Tove are my only friends. My mistakes were made when I refused any friens at all. When I refused anyone who tried to at least be my friend. That's what I hate myself for."
"Sweet... not everyone is supposed to have butt loads of friends. And Val... Your parents died not because of you, but because it was time for them to go."
The tears came, "Hayden... all I want in my future is you. Not anyone else."
"I'm here always... we can make the perfect life together... we can be perfect together."
"I just want you to know how much I love you. I don't want you hurt... I don't want you to doubt me or my love."
He smiled, "I don't... and I never will. We're getting married... I trusted your love enough to even risk asking you to marry me Val... I know that you love me."
I hugged him, "Up until I met you... I had no life... I had nothing to live for. Now you have me back on the ice... and being... and just being alive."
He kissed me, and held me close... and I realised he had known how I felt all-long. Tove walked outside, "Made up I see?" he asked.
Hayden and I both looked at each other, and then we jumped up and ran to Tove, and through him in the pool. He laughed as he came back up, and then Hayden and I jumped in behind him.
The time had finally come for Hayden and I to begin really planning our wedding. He had time off, and I did too, so we sat down together, everyday and planned.
"Let's not have this great big old' wedding." I said wrinkling my nose up a little bit.
"What's wrong with a big wedding?" he asked.
"I just don't want a lot of people... I mean... maybe 150 people... but lets not go too far."
"Fine." he shrugged, "It's whatever you want... I personally don't care. I just want to get married."
I laughed, and then began jotting down the people I wanted to come. The list included my cousin Gail, and a few other family members. But it wasn't suppressing, when I only came up with 15 people to invite.
Hayden looked at my list, "So what other 135 people do I invite?" he asked.
"I don't know... that is up to you honey." I smiled. The Wedding catalogue I had picked up at the store sat by my side. I picked it up, and began flipping through the pages, "The wedding dress is next on my agenda."
"No, wait... we have to invite the people together." Hayden said taking the catalogue out of my hands, "What about all of my co-stars from my movies."
"Well, what about the ones you didn�t get along with?"
"What are you talking about? I get along with everyone... " he said.
My laugh was almost hysterical, "Right."
"Okay, well, just the basic people, like Natalie Portman... Samuel L. Jackson... those kind of people?"
"Oh I see, just the Star Wars cast?"
Hayden shook his head, "Others too."
"Okay, well you do what you want, and then I�ll look over the list... and agree." I reached for the wedding catalogue again, but he pulled it away.
"To-ge-ther." he said slowly.
I sighed, and nodded my head, "Okay... Tove you have to invite Tove." I said.
"No really?" he asked in a smart elic tone of voice.
"Yes really... " I said.
"I already told you, he's going to be my best man."
"Okay... well I have no brides maids."
"What about my sisters." Hayden suggested.
"Yeah... I didn't think about them."
"How come you never talk to them?" he asked.
"Oh that's crap." I said, "I talk to them... they aren't ever around though. They still live in Canada remember?"
"Have you ever heard of the phone??"
I smacked his arm, "Have you ever heard of long distance?"
"Have you ever heard of get over it??"
I laughed, "Yes I've heard of that... but obviously you haven't."
He smiled and looked back down at the guest list, "When are we going to have this thing?"
"Are you referring to OUR wedding as a THING?" I asked almost offended.
His face turned a shade of red, "I didn't mean it like that." he said, "I just meant when are we going to have the wedding?"
I kissed his cheek, "I want it in early spring... so we can have it outside... and the flowers will be fresh... and the grass will be green."
"Not if the ground hog sees his shadow." he joked.
I laughed, "What do you think?"
He smiled, "spring is fine with me. What are you thinking early April?" he asked.
"Yeah... April... or maybe late April... so most of the flowers will already be out."
"But what if the allergy season is really bad, and I have really bad head ache?"
"Do you always have to think negative?" I asked.
"What do you think of May 10?"
"We'll decide later... I want to find my wedding dress."
"Val." Hayden whined.
I rolled my eyes, "Okay May 10 is fine..." I looked at the small calendar we had sitting in front of us, "What is that a friday or Saturday?" My finger scrolled down the weekend, "That's a Saturday."
Hayden smiled, "We're making progress."
"Yeah right... we've still got a thousand other things to plan!" I picked up my catalogue, and again Hayden took it away from me, "What are you? Anti-Wedding dress??? I want to find the perfect dress!"
