TITLE: "Sweet Dreams" AUTHOR: Cathryn (SpikeDchs@aol.com) DISTRIBUTION: Love's Bitch, Xander and Deadboy, SFFA (if it still technically exists; I don't know), and Amothea's Angst Page. *whew* Is that everyone? *g* RATING: High PG-13 SUMMARY: The morning after. NOTES: Okay, this should be obvious from the summary, but just in case: This takes place the morning after "Research Check." Also, the title was borrowed from the Eurythmics song - you know, the one with lyrics like "Some of them want to use you/Some of them want to get used by you/Some of them want to abuse you/Some of them want to be abused." ALSO: This series is now officially titled "White Knight Tarnished." OBLIGATORY NOTES I'M SICK OF TYPING: This has slashiness, folks. You don't like it, you don't read it. And if you don't like it, and you *do* read it, I don't wanna hear from you. 'Kay? And I'm sure all of the underage people know they should stay away and just don't care, so I say this with a lack of enthusiasm: Underage people, go away. DEDICATED: To Chelle, Niccy, Laure, and 'Nat, 'cause my poorly worded note preceding "Unexpected Likenesses" about Xander's parents offended them. I still stand behind the basic message, but I wish I'd worded it to be less incendiary, and for that I officially apologize. Oh, and I wrote the semi- squishy scenes in here before I realized that this was gonna be a whole big thing. DISCLAIMER: Say it with me now: Everything here (well, except Maggie) belongs to joss. I am a dirt-poor student. "Sweet Dreams" Xander woke slowly, fighting against the return to consciousness. He couldn't quite remember why, but it seemed terribly important to stay asleep to avoid - something. But, in spite of his struggles, he awoke. And remembered. How quickly last night's exciting rendezvous with Angelus had turned nightmarish and brutal. How Angelus had attacked Giles. How he could stand by and try to ignore it. Nausea clutched him. His stomach heaved, and he leaned over the side of the bed just in time. Maggie Harris poked her head in through the door, saying impatiently, "Xander, get u -" she cut herself off when she saw her son vomiting over the side of his bed. She crossed the room quickly, sitting next to Xander and stroking his hair gently until he was finished. He looked up weakly. "I don't feel so good." Maggie frowned, studying his face. "You're so pale," she said in concern, touching his cheek. Xander had managed to slip past his parents last night without them getting a look at his anemic pallor. "There's a thing going around," he mumbled. Maggie hugged him gently. "You're staying home today." Xander nodded in relief - he hadn't wanted to see Giles at all. He was afraid of serving as a reminder of last night's events. "Which means that I am too," Maggie continued. "Good. I wasn't really looking forward to work today, anyway." Xander smiled wanly. "Glad I could help. Need to sleep now." Need to be alone now. Maggie, sensing the thought, stood, saying, "Okay, just let me clean this mess up and I'll be out of your hair." At seventeen, she recalled, it was excruciatingly embarrassing to have your mother fussing over you after you'd just thrown up. She retrieved a towel and cleaned up quickly, glad that they'd gotten rid of the carpeting in Xander's room the year before. When Maggie was finally gone, Xander sighed in relief and huddled into his covers, now fully aware of how sick he felt physically as well as mentally. Wearily, he closed his eyes, hoping he could escape back into sleep. ********** He knew right away that he was dreaming. It was just one of those dreams. He was back in the library and back in the previous night. But things were different. He was facing forward. And he had a crossbow, which he grimly raised and aimed right at Angelus's chest. It was jammed. Xander struggled with the bow desperately, but it stayed stuck, no matter what he did. Angelus looked at him with a smirk. "You can't do anything right, can you? You can't even save Giles in your own damn dream. You are completely useless." Xander dropped the crossbow despairingly. Giles was looking at him now, in cruel disappointment. Xander back away. "I'm sorry, Giles," he pleaded. "I'm so sorry." "Useless. Utterly useless." Xander awoke with a start. Useless. He buried his face in his pillow, fighting against the rising tears. He lost the battle quickly and began to cry quietly into the pillow. ********** The morning passed in this fashion, Xander falling into sleep and into horrifying nightmares, some of which he woke from in tears, and once, when Maggie had ducked out of the house to buy him some medicine, he woke up screaming. After that, it wasn't much trouble keeping himself awake, and he was concentrating on thinking of nothing when Maggie brought up the cordless phone and handed it to him silently. "Hello?" he asked curiously. "Xander. How are you feeling?" It was Giles. Xander shot his retreating mother a dirty look. As if he had seen it, Giles continued, "Now don't be angry at your mother; I asked her not to tell you who it was." Xander sighed and stared up at the ceiling. "Why'd you call?" "When you didn't arrive at school, I was concerned," Giles explained quietly. There were several thing she didn't say, and they both knew what they were. "I'm okay, Giles," Xander lied. "I'm, I'm kinda sick, but I'm okay. What about you? How are you?" "About the same as you, I would imagine," Giles replied, deliberately glossing over the truth. He preferred not to add his own trauma to what Xander had to be going through. "Oh." They fell silent for a moment. "Xander?" "Mmm?" Xander, to his horror, was growing increasingly tired. Giles hesitated briefly before asking, "Will . . . will you be going out tonight?" Xander, annoyed by the carefully innocuous wording of the question, replied shortly, "Yes, Giles. I'm going to see him tonight. After what happened when I tried to skip it last night, I can't not go." "You're sick." "He won't care." It was true. ********** Xander hurried stealthily along through the darkness to the alley. He had made an important decision, and he had to say it before he lost his nerve. When he arrived at the alley, he initially thought he was alone, but the figure that separated from the darkness and wrapped its arms tightly around him proved him wrong. Angelus kissed him fiercely. Xander responded with equal intensity, savoring this last kiss. Angelus pulled away, murmuring, "Come on." Xander took a deep breath, steeling himself, and stepped back. "No," he said softly. Angelus looked startled, then angry. Then furious. "'No?'" he repeated. Xander struggled to push down the fear rising in him. "I can't. Not after what you did to Giles. I . . . I don't - want you anymore." "Really." Angelus's anger seemed to have cooled, but as he abruptly stepped closer to Xander, the boy could see that it had coalesced into burning points in his eyes. He grabbed Xander suddenly, shoving him hard against the wall. He gripped the sides of Xander's head, palms covering his ears and blocking out all sound. Rage ripped into his every cell as Xander cringed fearfully back against the wall. Angelus tightened his grip on Xander's head and twisted hard, taking a bitter pleasure in the sounds of the vertebrae in his neck cracking. He held onto Xander until his eyes had dulled completely, then let the corpse drop and walked away. And to answer the question I know I will get asked repeatedly if I don't: No, this is not the end of the series. Not by a long shot. -- Cathryn Obsessive Spike Spike's Duchess Owner of Spike Clone #23 Passionate Angelus/Xander shipper Apostle of Ragna ( http://www.fortunecity.com/lavender/friday/71/index.html ) Official High Priestess of the Spiritual UCSL Members (those who can be members in spirit only, for whatever reason) Official Keeper of "Chunky and creamy. Oh, no, sorry, that's peanut butter." - Ethan