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When Gavaskar finds out that there has been
released, a movie, in Australia called "Gavaskar", he is very happy. He
plans to watch it and gets a ticket for Australia at once.
With great difficulty he manages to get a ticket and very happily he
goes to see the movie. But when he comes out of the cinema he is very
angry!
He goes straight to the director of the movie and says, "What do you
mean by this? You named your movie 'Gavaskar', but didn't show anything
about me in it!"
The director of the movie laughs and says, "So now you understand the
problem? You people too made a movie called 'Border', but did you show
anything about Allan Border in it?" |
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- What does Cricketer's names stand for
?
Kambli - Killed All Mediocre Bowling, Left
Immediately
Kapil - Killed Aspiring Pacemen In Land
Prasad - Promised Revenge Against Sohail And Delivered
More - Mouthing Obscene Rubbish Everywhere
Gavaskar - Grafting Away Valiantly, Always Successfully Killed Any
Result/ Goes Around Venting Angry Spiel Kicking About Rudely
Azhar - At Zenith Had Ambrose Reeling
Azharuddin - Almost Zaheer-like His Artistry, Rivetting Umpteen Devoted
Doting Indian Nationals
Vishy - Vodka Is Sweet, He Yells
Tendulkar - Tiny, Exciting, Neverending Dynamo Undyingly Labours Keeps A
Record
Amarnath - After Many A Reincarnation, Now Acknowledged Top Hand
Prasanna - Prince Radiant Among Spinners, Astutely Nailed Nimble
Attackers
Bedi - Beautifully Executed Deliveries Indefinitely
Chandra - Cleverly Hides Another Nagging Delivery Really Accurately
Shastri - Shall His Achievements Still Truly Remain Interred?
Srinath - Simply Ravishing Incutters, Not A Ten-wicket Haul
Kumble - Killer Universal, Makes Batsmen Leave Embarassed
Sidhu - Shall I Drop Him Unfairly?
Mongia - Many Of Nayan's Gatherings Instigate Admiration
Raman - Remember, All Madrasis Are Nervous
Amol - Another Mumbai-ite Overly Lauded?
Muzumdar - Mediocre Underachiever Zealously Undertakes Many Drives And
Run-outs |
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The Judge (J.) asks the little girl (LG): Now
that your parents are getting divorced do you want to live with your
mummy?
LG - No, my mummy beats me.
J. - Well then, I guess you want to live with your daddy.
LG - No, my daddy beats me too.
J. - Well then, who do you want to live with?
LG - I want to live with the Indian Cricket team, they never beat
anybody!!! |
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- New rules for Indian team
1) Declaring the winner: If Pakistan bats first
and scores x runs then the target for India will be revised to x/2. They
need to score (x/2)+I runs to be declared winner. If India bats first
then the number of overs for Pakistan will be reduced to 25. Even after
these modifications India contrive to lose, they will be awarded
psychological victory.
2) Fielding restrictions: When India is fielding, as soon as any fielder
touches the ball, it will be deemed as dead ball and Pakistan batsmen
will only be allowed to complete that run. This modification is being
done to eliminate time being wasted for overthrows etc.
3) By popular demand from Indian players, a few additional coaches have
been included in the touring party with immediate effect. They are:
Batting coach : Ravi Shastri. Bowling Coach (with experience in Sharjah
conditions): Chetan Sharma. Fielding Coach : Ravi Shastri (Dual
responsibility). TV Commercials Coach : Salman Khan. Video Coach : Name
will be announced later.
4) As the deadline to submit final 15 players for the World Cup is over,
the result of the match on 18th April between 1983 Indian team and the
current team will not have any bearing on the team touring.
Any other suggestions are welcome. We at the ICC would like to ascertain
again our commitment to spread the game of cricket globally, from
Mozambique to Maldives and from Turkmenistan to Tibet.
Thanking You.
Yours Sincerely,
Jagmohan Dalmiya |
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|
After the shameful defeat of the Indian cricket
team after yet another tournament, the team members were not able to
show their faces to people and they chose not to go in public and rather
just pack up in hotel rooms.
Being in Bangalore, Dravid could not resist for too long to be in
hometown and still not be able to go out shopping and have fun. So he
disguises himself as a Sardar and goes out. He meets a woman at the exit
of the hotel who greets him "Hi Dravid!"
Surprised for having been caught he comes back and makes himself up as a
muslim woman - in Burkha etc and goes out. Yet the same woman greets him
"Hi Dravid!".
Dravid comes back determined to give it yet another try with the make up
of a Hippie wig and shorts etc. All in vain, the same lady catches him
again and greets him "Hi Dravid!".
Bewildered by now, he could not help asking, "How did you recognise me?"
The lady replied - "I am Javagal Srinath!" |
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- What they actually talk about in the
field
At the start of the Indian innings(280 required
for a win)
Ganguly to Ramesh "I am not comfortable with Akhtar's pace. So I will
attack Akram and u take care of Akhtar."
After 4 overs(with hardly any runs on the board), Ramesh to Ganguly
"These guys are bowling very fast. We will see them off and then attack
Mahmood and Saqlain."
After 13 overs(when Azhar Mahmood and Saqlain were bowling), Ganguly to
Dravid "I don't think we can score off these guys as well. We will wait
for Arshad Khan and Shahid Afridi. Surely we can easily attack them.
After all, Shahid Afridi is a part-time bowler."
After Afridi bowled some overs, Dravid to Robin Singh "Don't worry,
Robin. I heard that English bowlers are easier to score off. We will
play out 50 overs and attack in the next match."
At the end of the match, Joshi to Mongia "Why didn't u try to force the
pace?"
Mongia to Joshi "No, yaar. If I try to force the pace against these
bowlers, I will get out. There is only one way by which I can score runs
fastly without getting out. |
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Indian Team Manager : "Hello"(over Phone)
Caller :"Can I talk to Azharuddin Please,I am his friend and calling
from Hyderabad."
Indian Team Manager:"Sorry,he went to bat"
Azharuddin's friend:"No Problem Manager, I will Hold on" |
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|
APPEAL - What is left in the fruit bowl after
the lunch break.
BAIL - What a batsman does immediately after getting out cheaply.
BLOCK HOLE - Cured with a strong Indian curry.
BOWL - Where APPEAL is kept.
BYE - Azharuddin's last words.
CENTURY - Average length of a Dravid innings.
DELIVER - Italian body organ.
DOUBLE CENTURY - Back to back Dravid innings.
LEG BREAK - Incentive for Indian batsmen if they cross bookies.
LEG BYE - Result of a particularly bad LEG BREAK.
LEG CUTTER - Utensil used in LEG BYE.
LEG STUMP - What`s left after a LEG BYE.
MISFIELD - Daughter of Mr Field.
NIGHT-WATCHMAN - Swiss timekeeper on late shift.
NON-STRIKER - Pacifist Indian batsman scoring a duck.
NOT OUT - A quiet night at home.
PLAY SAFE - To wear a condom while fielding.
RETIRE HURT - see Azharuddin.
RUN BETWEEN THE WICKETS - The result of an Indian curry.
SILLY POINT - Sunil Gavaskar's commentary. |
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|
OK here's one for you, to get those brains
working.
You're lost in the South African bush, it's Lion infested country and
it's pitch dark, so you can't see a thing. You have a map of the area,
one match, a candle and a cellphone. You desperately need to see the map
and get an idea of how to get into a safer area. You strike the match to
light the candle but to your horror the match breaks and is unusable...
What do you do???
Call Hansie...He fixes matches!!!!! |
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|
Seeing a disastrous performance by everyone in
the team, the captain sends Mehmood and Dilip Kumar hoping for some
recovery.
Mehmood is clean bowled the first ball. He goes to the umpire and says:
"Yeh kya hangama ho raha hai? Hum kaale hain to humko out diya par hum
to dilwaale hain aur tere chahane wale hain. Yeh mera Hyderabadi bhai
Azhar ne match fix kiya na. To umpire bhai, tum kahe ko aisa waisa baat
karta hai ?"
Dilip Kumar survives a few appeals but gets out without scoring. He goes
to the umpire with tears in his eyes and says: "Paro, yeh timne achha
nahin kiya. Meri saari zindagi ki ummeedon par tumne pani pher diya.
Dekho, tumahre iss ek faisle ne meri biwi ki jaan le li." Then he starts
screaming, "Arre koi hai kya? Meri biwi ko bachao, isse haspatal le jayo.
Arre gaadi wale bhai sahab, arre sethji, koi to aao aur meri biwi ko
bachao re."
Seeing this commotion, Salman Khan comes in and before saying anything,
takes his shirt off. The umpire says, "Yeh kya badtameezi hai ?" Salman
replies, "Saala, mera sab picture flop ho raha hai, achha film banaya to
police sab reel utha ke le gaya. Main sab ki bungi baja doonga."
And the game continues.... |
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KES