"In a murderous time the heart breaks and breaks and lives by breaking." - Stanley Kunitz 'The Testing - Tree'
"Ah the office" Harry smiled as his secritary walked by, "Jacob's having our son, you know... they said I was pestering the nurses and had to leave." Harry let out a mock sigh, but his bright smile gave him away. "Said that they'd call me, it's been an hour already. He's really healthy, doctor Glen said that it's almost unthinkable that something bad will occur... but they have to be on the-"
The phone rang and Harry picked it up quickly his beeming smile slowly began to fade.
"Mister Potter/Chambers... I'm sorry to inform you but something has happened. We had to prepair quickly as we are not equpit to deal with babys who are... doing damage to their male mother."
A single tear escaped and slowly trailed down a taned cheek.
"Your husband has gone into a critical state. It is almost unthinkable that he will make out alive, we are trying to at least save your child. Please come to the hospital at once."
He collasped, tears flooded over already tear-stained cheeks.
He remembered that cold feeling, that dead feeling as the phone clattered to the floor. It reminded him all to well of that Christmas ten years ago. The day two people died that were the most important people in the world. Harry still remembered the echoing crys, the rivers of tears that carresed mountainest cheeks. Green eyes marred with crimson as they looked at where the phone had fallen. It was all the same... it had taken him a minute to over come the shock...
It had been a day before Christmas eve, his lover Kiyoshi, a Japanese writer, had given birth three years ago to a beautiful baby boy, Li. They had been comming home, the toddler was excited about Christmas exclaiming about how 'Daddy Harry' was going to be so happy about the presents. Then they were taken.
Harry recieved the call about his lover and child, all the while pacing the floor. It was past Christmas, almost New Years when he got the call. Un-opened presents sat under the tree as he picked up the phone.
Kiyoshi was found tried to a fence, blood covering all over his body. Tear tracks were the only skin showing, it was obvious he had fought back. There was a single word spray painted across his chest. "Faggot" was clearly written in purple. Li sat at his feet, his throat slashed. Harry had collasped at the sight.
It was happening again. Like last time... he quickly flooed to the Hospital, only to see a boy with bright green eyes and red hair like his mother's. The boy had a scar going down the back from his thin hair line to his buttocks. The name came to him almost immediatly. Zaniel Aidan Potter, Zaniel meaning angle of mondays, and Aidan meaning the little firey one.
Male Pregnacy children were known for their scars, weather it be the front or the back they were always there, they were always boys as well. Li's scar had been down the back.
Don't think about that.
He scolded himself. No one knew what he felt, no one knew. Hermione and Ron had gotten shacked up seventh year, they now had four children with twins on the way. He looked down at his hands, they were blood stained, tainted, but there was no crimson color. He knew he should never hold any child. He should never hold anyone, he would only allow himself one more lover. Harry knew that he would break into peices if he lost another lover. He walked over to where Jacob was suppose to be, only to hear screaming and the a high pitch beeping noise getting faster.
"Calm down Jacob!"
"Stop thrashing"
"It'll be fine if you stop!" The voices started to fade in and out only catching one word at a time.
"Please..."
"... calm..."
"... stop..."
"first..."
"noo...."
"Jacob!!!!" A woman shrieked.
There was a long drone of the beeping noise. Harry walked in, "Clear!" His lover jumped up, there was a hic-cup in the heart monitor. "Clear!" The body jumped up again off the bed, limp arms flailed up ward. Harry heard no more, his lover's brown spiked up hair was limping from all the sweat, every once in a while his lover's body would jurt upwards and he would catch a glimpse of the famous deep purple spiked tips, the color of his eyes. The pale body soon moved no more, and bile reached Harry's throat. Glimpes of the death he had witnessed reached his eyes, green orbs dialated in shock.
He knew no more.
-
"Sev...?" Called out a familiar voice, "Sevvie?" The male walked into the potions lab. "Sev! Get over here right now!" Something a couldron exploded. "Sev!" Severus came out, a scowl on his face.
"What is is now Remus!"
"You haven't touched me..." Remus whined, Severus's scowl darkened. "Come on, we use to be with each other at least once a week and it's going on a month now. Every time I ask you're not in the mood... And Sev... God damn it just shag me already!" There was a cough, a green haired teenager with wild gold eyes looked at his parents, amused. A soft smile played on his lips, he just shook his head at his father's antics. "Tristram, any chance your leaving this after noon?" The boy laughed and nodded, "Okay, have fun at Orran's... alright? And use a condom!"
"You too dad, you too." The boy picked up his jacket and left to go see his blue hair, multicolored eyed boyfriend.
"I don't approve of that... that over emotional... abused... little... bloody-"
"Don't finish Sev... just... don't finish... Tristram likes him, and what would my parents say about you? You greasy haired hooked nose git..." He muttered the insult in a loving sort of way. Severus turned away from the incomming kiss. "What's wrong Sev, god! Tell me." Severus look away shaking his head. "Oh..." Remus' eyes went wide. "Aww Sev..."
"No, shut up." Severus turned away, Remus saw the tears that were caressing his face. "Just go away Remus..."
"Sev... it happens to lots of guys, they have medication to treat errectile dissfunction!" Severus turned around staring at him, eyes wide. Then without warning Severus started laughing. "What?" Remus poked his lover in the stomach. "If that's not it tell me what is..."
"Remi... remember that cancer I was talking to you about...?" Remus nodded, his eyes softened. "It was around this time and age that my father... my brother... and my other brother... were all taken..." Remus looked down at Severus's shaking hands. He took them into his grasp, he placed a kiss on both. "I... I should go for testing... but even if they find it... it early... then they can't cure me. I figure I'd rather not know..."
"But... Sev... if you die... if your taken... I... I..." Silver tears fell from his golden eyes. "I can't live... I lost James, Lily, Sirus, Mother Father... all of them... I can't stand to loose you... You... my..." his lip quivered, "my lover, my other... I want to know if your... if you have it." Remus placed his head on Severus's chest.
Severus's heart was breaking as he wrapped his arms around Remus. The shorter man started to cry, "Don't cry, these are tears I don't deserve." He pulled Remus away, and looked deep into Remus' eyes. "I'm the only one allowed to cry Remi... not you..." Remus let a soft smile reach his lips.
"But you know I'm the mother in this relationship..." Severus's face turn into a smile that didn't quite reach his eyes. "Sev... make love to me... I want to..." Remus kissed the potions professor, "Make me feel... feel that passion... at least one last time... before you get weak."
Severus smiled a slight red tone took over his cheeks. He always turned into a different man with Remus, and he loved every minute of it too. "I'll never be to weak for this Remi." He pulled Remus into his potions lab.
-
Harry stared down at the two pictures of his former families. All life seemed to drain from the once lite-up eyes as he held the pictures. He glanced down at the picture labled 'First Family Photo'.
He was standing there, wearing black shirt and in a blood-red skirt. He almost laughed at the familiar scowl on his face that reminded him all to much of Draco Malfoy. Next to him stood Kiyoshi, he remembered Li so well. He remembered his cute smile as he tried to open the door. His little fingers as they wrapped around his index one for the first time. He remembered looking at Kiyoshi and smiling fondly at at him after the birth. Kiyoshi's once neat pony tail was matted with sweat, and in dissaray. His eyes were half lidded in sleep, but he had the most excited and cheerful look on his face. His clear blue eyes alite with tears. Once Li turned four they were going to try for another, letting Harry finally have the big family he wanted.
Harry shifted his weight in his chair, he looked down at the pictured entitled 'Second Family Photo'. Harry stood in a black t-shirt, a long sleeve dark red shirt underneath. He had black pants on and was standing next to Jacob. Jacob had a dark purple shirt on, the color of his eyes, that had a ripped look about it. The bottom of the shirt looked ripped, as did the neck and sleeves; Harry remembered the shirt. It had tickled him as he stood there with Jabob's hand on his arse. Jacob was wearing tight leather pants, with a slight smile; Harry held the all too familiar scowl.
Jacob would always fix him coffee in the morning and bring it to his bed side. He remembered when they had made love how loving Jacob was and how he cuddled after they had done it. He remembered the expression of shock on his face when he found out he was pregnant. The expression of shock and pure joy. The way the doctor had shown them the baby and Jacob's excited face. He remembered Jacob's little cafe and how Zaniel was concieved on top of it. He remembered how Jacob would place his hand into Harry's back pocket as they walked together.Jacob's eyeliner that would run down if he went running because it was the only time he would allow himself to cry.
Harry rubbed his tumb across Jacob's face, tears brimmed over and slid down his tear-stained cheeks. "Come back to me... I can't take care of this child without you..."
