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By Dick |
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Additional Pictures of Crabbe |
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Hello Crabbe. How delightful it is to have this interview with you. I haven't been able to make one in quite a while due to some weird Filtch and Mrs. Norris incident. It seems that someone stole my security clearance card and inpersonated me while doing very naughty things with some of our other interviewees. Crazily enough we found a mask and wig used by the impersonator outside of Willy's office that same afternoon her interview with Filtch took place. Sadly we weren't able to apprehend the impersonator. No clues were left at the scene of the crime....... But I won't bother you with these sort of things. Let's continue with the interview. |
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Right... Do you have any candy bars? How about some marshmellows? Any cup cakes? |
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Malfoy just shoved his entire fist into Crabbe's rectum, causing Crabbe to be a little surprised. Too bad my camera men didn't capture the little grin that appeared on his face just afterwards.I can imagine digestion will be dificult for days. |
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Uhhh... no I'm sorry I don't at the moment. As I recall though, the last time you had cupcakes it got you in a little mess now didn't it. You saw two floating in the hallway and you and Goyle thought it would be grand to take a bite. An hour later you were found passed out in a dark corner naked with Filtch hovering over you. From the looks of my report it says that he was pulling up his zipper right as Snape found you both. Hmm I wonder what that was all about. Maybe he just happened to notice that his fly was open at that precise moment... hmm. But then again, it also says here in my report that you both were complaining about explosive diarriah to Mrs. Pompfrey in the hospital wing that same day. |
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*Crabbe begins to become very uncomfortable. He starts fumbling around with his scarf and begins to stutter.* Wa wa well thaa thats not really important right now... Let's move on. I I wasn't hungry anyways. I GOT GLASSES! SEE? |
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* Dick begins to stare at Crabbe's dubble chin and totally forgets that he is even talking. The site of his chin is mesmorizing to her. She cannot control the direction of her gaze nor can she look away from it! It has begun to control her every thought. The way the flubber slaps against each layer of the chin over and over again reminds Dick of the ocean which soothes her tremendously. Shhhh kerclap kerclap kerclap shhhhh... over and over again the sound echoes throughout the room. Dick begins to slightly druel...* |
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Mrs. Greenleaf... O Mrs. Greenleaf! *Dick finally abruptly awakens.* I was telling you about how I got glasses as you can see. |
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O yes yes... ehhh they are quite nice Crabbe. The frames fit the shape of your robust checks perfectly. Soooo Crabbe... next question. Please tell me, how is the life of being 3rd best? I know you are good friends with Malfoy and Goyle... no doubtfuly you are the least important in the group... please correct me if I'm wrong? Is it hard living in the shadow of a hansom blond evil friend? Have you thought about taking Neville's approach and coming back the 6th year with less, you know...love handles? I hear it's doing him wonders!!! Ginny seems to have a liking towards him. |
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*Crabbe begins to tear up. Slowly but surely the tears begin to trickle down his chubby checks.* Well, *Sniffle sniffle* I always have thought I was 3rd best. I knew it all along. I just thought it might not come true if I didn't say it aloud. But now... what's the point. If you can see it too... everyone can. I am a loser!!! |
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*Dick begins to feel horrible for showing Crabbe the truth about his lonely life.* I am terribly sorry Crabbe. I never meant for you to get so upset. A tear here and there would have been fun. But not all of this! Please forgive me. Well, I'd say this is a perfect time to conclude our interview... by the way, no need to thank me for the realization that your life is a steaming pile of shit. I know that I have certainly covered that thoroughly indeed. *Crabbe continues to sniffle and sob greatly. Dick becomes aggitated with his petty whining and desides to divert him in order to get rid of his Slytherin arse. She picks up a peice of gum off of her desk and tauntingly waves it in his face. Noticing that it immediately grabs his attention, she throws it out the door and without a doubt Crabbe chases after it. Dick is left wih just enough time to quickly get up, slam the door, and lock it before he has the chance to return.* |
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