One Eccentric and UNpredictable Old Fraud
Sybill Trelawny
By:O'Henry
O'Henry's Notes: There is a little fly in my room right now, fluttering around and one thing came to my mind. Freakin annoying. Then that made me think of Professor Trelawny. She always BUGged me. haha get it? whew im good. So yeah she was just a little too much for me, lets see if see actually can use her so called gift at all. Thank you and please poop in the ocean.
O
(O'Henry sits and waits patiently, then hears door open) Ah, Professor Trelawny, I knew that was you!
(Looks as if her bottom lip is being sucked in the back of her throat) My, my dear! Do you possess the Inner Eye? I had this odd premonition the other day, that you and I, we would become close, since we are both Seers.
S
Oh, um, actually I heard you talking outside the door. I don't have an Outer Eye Head thing or whatever youd said. Who were you talking to?
O
(Professor Trelawny looks absolutely stunned. As if the basilisk had come up and Petrified her, or bit off half her body. O'Henry waits until she eventually covers her entire body with Harry Potter bandaids, head to toe, with Ryan's help of course) Oh, I must have been talking with my Inner Eye, dear. Since you do not possess it's greatness, you have no idea, it talks to you....always (her arm comes up and she has sort of a spasm) Here, let me read your palm, Yes, yes let me read it (she says this very anxiously and gets very close to O'Henry's face and does not blink, then she smiles a crooked smile, like she just molested a thirteen year old muggle)
S
O
Alright, but I do have loads of questions to ask. (sticks out hand, palm up)
(Quickly grabs O'Henry's hand and begins to rub up and down her arm very roughly, just like Rod does to Willy when she thinks no one is watching)
Ah, Oh, My, OOh, I see, Hmm, Odd, Interesting, HOLY SHIT!!
S
O
What what? what?
Oh, nothing (O'Henry lets out fart) Ok, ok. I see loads and loads of hot crazy stuff goin on with Ryan Gosling. Whoa. And lets see, out of your children, what is it 17...only three of them will go crazy. You end up putting them in a shed for 7 years and come back and find that they all look like Jack the Pumpkin King, but worse. Then they all become male models, because they are so skinny. The WORD Squad will continue to be in your future, Rod looks like she needs to lay off the Mcgonagall, for M might AVADA KEDAVRA her for being such a butt-leech, Dick Bow will change her name to Dick Greenleaf, but will never actually have a husband with the last name of Greenleaf. Oh, here it is her real last name is Radio. Willy, man she got in jail her first week at college. Turns out, she spotted Elijah Wood and ran around crazily hitting people with her thighs. Then the police came, but not before she had a chance to put a spell on Elijah to make her love her. Well, the spell backfired and she only loved him even more. So in jail she scratched Mr. Frodo in her stomach and started to get really big muscles. She shaved her head but left a patch of dreads (they are not on her head) Well, O'Henry that is all I have so far.
S
O
whoa.(O'Henry was speechless) Yeah I am gonna continue that, um, interview. So yeah. whoa. How do you feel about Umbridge? Do you consider her a Voldemort- I mean You-Know-Who secret supporter?
That woman is the most horrific human on the entire planet I like to call Earth. She is evil. She is worse than evil! She can't even predict one thing that is going to happen on Days of Our Lives! Worthless! And I can talk about her being that toad that she is for another six hundred and sixty six hours, the time of evil, cause she is, but lets get on with the interview. Wait, why dont you gaze into my crystal ball?
S
Um, ok (looks in and sees a horrible sight. Rod withMcgonagall. Mrs. Norris(Willy) and Legolas(Dick). O'Henry was so disgusted that she threw the crystal ball and it flew into a thousand pieces of nastiness) NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!
O
What did you see, dear? (she giggles) I programmed it so that you would see the Wizard Bikini Calendar. I was in June (Giggles again and smiles, then flares her nostrils) oh you like that huh? (flares them again) yeah you like that? (starts to lean in towards O'Henry)
S
(Weeps hystrically) No more! (Runs out of room with notepad firmly in her hand. Sees her other WORD Squad buddies and heads the other direction, for Willy and Dick were still in costume and they were missing a fourth)
O
O'Henry's Notes: All I wanted was a normal interview. But I have come to realize that nothing is normal in Hogwarts, and in the WORD Squad Interviews. Even though I vowed never to become friends with crazy/psycho people, I did. So I have to live with it everyday for the rest of my entire being. So I found my Squadettes later and we went and found our men and played Quidditch....in the broom closet. Thank you and please poop in the ocean.
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