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My Interview with Percy "Arseface" Weasley by Willy |
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Ok, now Percy never actually bothered me that much in the first three books. Yes, he was pompous and annoying but he had good character development because he also cared about his family. Then in the fourth and fifth books, well, I hate everything about him. Every time he is in a scene I want to pee on the book, but I don't, because Ron is just soooooo hot. Thank you and please poop in the ocean. |
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Pictures of the Crapface Weasel |
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Hello Percy. Thank you for giving me this time to interview you. I am sorry though for interrupting your scheduled three hours of anal sex with Cornelius Fudge. |
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*Pulls up pants and gives Fudge a final slap on the butt with a ruler* Yes, Willy, I do think you should have apologized for the interruption seeing as how that is my favorite time of the day. I forgive you, I guess. But please, call me Mr. Weasley. I now have a position of high respect and expect to be treated with the respect I have earned. |
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Crapface. |
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*Wants to strangle Percy but decides against it so she may get the truth for the loyal readers* So, Mr. Weasley -ahem Penislicker- why did you decide to abandon your family? |
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I don't believe I even have a family anymore. Those who I was once associated with may be called family, but they held me back. If they actually wanted to be supportive they would have chosen to agree with everything the oh so WONDERFUL Ministry of Magic had so say. But no, they chose ignorance, they chose Dumbledore. *shakes head sadly then finds a picture of Ginny and bites her head off, literally. |
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Crapface. |
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*Kicks Percy in the balls then sits back down as he cries to himself* I don't know, maybe it's some odd idea only I follow, but I think that you should also stick with your family, as they are the ones who will always love you. But like I said, this may be some wacky notion only I have. ANYWAYS, next question, how are things with Penelope Clearwater? |
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Crapface. |
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*Takes balls out and then puts an ice pack over them* I hate you now. I should stop answering your questions but I need to get the message of Dumbledore being an old barmy idiot, so I will oblige your questions. Penelope and I are fine. She actually believe Dumbledore and was haling him as if he were some sort of god *laughs at the "absurd" notion* So I have her under the Crucio curse and now she does what ever I say. Needless to say, she is remarkable in the bedroom. |
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Crapface. |
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*Is completely disgusted and starts throwing up in his hair but he doesn't feel it because it is soooo friggin nappy* You are a crapface. Why don't you believe Dumbledore? Have you even heard his evidence of Voldemort coming back? |
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Hear what Dumbledore has to say! Yeah, like that thought crossed my mind, NOT! Really, nothing he says is worth listening too. I can already tell he has brainwashed you but seeing as how you are very impressionable, not to mention completely stupid, it isn't hard for anyone to convince you of something. |
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Crapface. |
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Willy gets ready to kill Percy because no one tells her she is stupid. NO ONE! Because really, she isn't. She is like a friggin genius. So anyways, as she pulls out her wand and starts saying AVADA KEDA-- she is cut short and the door is blown open. In walks O'Henry, Rod, and Dick coming to her rescue because they are soooo friggin clam. Oh and Willy put her hands above her head in an "X" and yelled X quadrant before all of this happened. |
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O'HENRY, ROD, AND DICK ARE HERE! UNHAND WILLY YOU EVIL VAGINA MONSTER PERCY! |
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Crapface. |
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*Gets really scared due to the power of having the Word Squad against you all together in one room and pees his pants* Umm, well, that is Mr. Percy to you! |
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Wow, good one. I am soooo impressed. Anyways, that is so UH UH NOT COOL that you called Willy stupid. And since I AM ALWAYS THERE FOR HER I will kick your arse with my super toughness. *Starts beating Percy with kung fu karate chops* |
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Crapface. |
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No more pictures. Sorry but the rest I found were crap. I sincerely hope I am wrong about Percy that he is just dillusional and come back to his family. I reall really hope so because everyone in his family loves and misses him, especially Mrs. Weasley. But I did have fun with this interview. Ok thanks. Have fun. Thank you for all the medals. I did earn them though. Instead of Willy, call me Mrs. Weasley-Potter-Wood and the rest of my husbands. I am sooo clam |
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Yeah Percy, I was hearing and thinking everything Willy was because we are twins, well O'Henry and Dick heard most of it due to the WORD CONNECTION, but anyways, I was 923472402438 miles away and I heard the call of the X Quadrant. *Poops on Percy's head, NOT TO SAVE HIS LIFE* |
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*Pulls Marlene out of butt and throws her at Percy, then begins beating Percy with her thighs* Really Percy, did you think you would get away with calling Willy that. BECAUSE YOU WON'T! HIIIIIII YAHHHHHHH |
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All of a sudden the Word Squad joins together and screams, "NINJAS FOR SHIZZLE IN THE HOGWARTS!" And WHOOOSH in come three of the most raddest, ninjaest, ninjas ever to be Word Groupies. |
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YOU WILL NEVER WALK OUT OF HERE ON YOUR OWN LEGS! YOU WILL HAVE TO INSTALL CHAIR LEGS OR TABLE LEGS OR THE LEGS OF THE MAN IN THE TREE IN ORDER TO WALK! BUT THEN YOU WON'T HAVE ARMS BECAUSE WE WILL NUMBCHUCK THOSE CRAP THINGS OFF OF YOU! PREPARE TO MEET YOU MAKER, WHICH IS US! SO MEET US! *Begins beating up Percy furiously and moving soooo fast that you can't tell one from the other. All you can do is stand back and watch the smoothness that is the ninja Word Groupies* |
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The Word Groupie Ninjas take their job seriously. Opps, Siriusly. They whoop the crap out of him, literally, it is now all over the walls. Percy is now in a heap at the feet of the Word Squad. The Word Squad obediently takes out their wands and points them at Percy writhing, convulsing body. They then shout two words together: |
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AVADA KEDAVRA!!!!!!!!!! |
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Editor's Note: The Word Squad successfully killed Percy Weasley and were award every wizarding and muggle medal known to anyone. They are now hailed as the best crime fighing, journalists ever. The Weasley family can now breath a sign of relief knowing their evil member is killed. Fudge cried relentlessly over his body, screaming something like "NO MORE SEX! NOOOOO I NEED IT SOOO BAD!" And was then taken to St. Mungo's. We pray for his saneness. |
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