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A disturbing interview with a disturbingly ugly dude |
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Gregory Goyle
By O'Henry |
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O'Henry's Notes: Well ello ello! This BE THE OHENRY! geez im the freakin clammest of them all YOU KNOW!??!! Anyways Goyle always seemed to be a big poosay to me. I mean freakin Scabbers bit him for crying out loud. And Scabbers was a BIG POOSAY...aka Wormtail. So Im gonna try and crack this fool and see whats up with that Draco/Goyle/Crabbe love triangle thing goin on....Thank You and Please Poop in the Ocean. |
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*Perspires slightly while shoving Big Wang Toffees in a voodoo doll resembling Willy, mumbles "not...big...enough"* (O'Henry notices Goyle standing in the doorway staring at her, so she quickly stuffs the voodoo doll down her pants and lets Marlene play with it) Hello there Goyle! It is so nice to finally be talking again. Ever since I revealed so much truth about the nasty/disturbing activities my other WORD members were doing, I had to go into hiding because they threatened to beat me with their thighs and make me engage in sexual acts with Mrs. Norris as they all played with eachother and nibbles on peanuts. |
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*Goyle smiles and enters room with a limp and sits down across from O'Henry with his legs spread way open* Ey Gurl. Dat be coo. Dat be straight gurl. Don' be no worryin when you wit the Goylster. He take all yo problems away gurl. No frettin aight?? Jus be coo, relax, take off yo clothes if ya need to woman. That be aight if you naked cause den i feel more comfortable KNOW WHAT IM SAYIN?? |
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Um sure. Anyways, back to the interview. Do you- (Is interrupted by beat boxing noises) |
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*covers mouth with hands while making noises and does the wicky wicky with free hand* O to the Henry, she so fine she blows my mind and my pine...TREE! She knows who i be is who she bes is who i be fo' sho...I am da goyle runnin from the ministry always gots to take a pee never knows where be Draco G cause he means so much to me. Takin cover for my brother is what my mother from another forgets is my nature with the pantalones wit my homies FO SHO FO SHO OHENRY AND GOYLE OH GURL I BE LOVIN YOUUUUUUUUUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE |
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EW you freakin bastard! I would NEVER EVER even CONSIDER thinking aoubt you in a UNPROFESSIONAL WAY! gosh im just trying to do this frickin interview but i freakin get freakin stuck with a freakin idiot and i freakin haven't even freakin gotten any freakin material and MARLENE WOULD YOU PLEASE STOP EATING THOSE TOFFEES AND THEN PENETRATE MY HOLE. AND BY THE WAY YOU ARE WHITE YOU FREAKIN WANNABE!!!!!!!! (O'Henry slams down notebook and rubs eyes.) |
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(Goyle then puts his hand gently on O'Henrys arm) *talks like a big black dude with a really deep voice* its alright girl. whenver i am lonely or upset i always read this poem my mother used to read to me when i was in high school before she tucked me in. *Pulls out piece of paper from pocket* "The sun glows on a farm with the cows and bees floating around the sky. The farmer takes an axe and rests it gently on the gardening hose that is coming out of his pants-" (O'Henry blocks her hearing when she notices an additional piece of paper that came out of Goyles pocket and she picks it up but manages to hear Goyle whimpering that the farmer no longer has a hose to garden the cows pototas.) |
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*Picks up and unfolds paper and screams with glee* |
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CHAT PREFECTS WHO LIKE THE MEN
DIEMudbloods: Hey Goyle , Hey Crabbe.
OnMyKnees4Draco: HEY DRACO!! oh and hi Crabbe.
aLilSuckySuckyNevaHurtNEone: OMG DRACO!! im so happy you are online!
DIEMudbloods: yeah, man its pretty awesome. filthy little mudblood Granger was in my dream last night. oh boy it was a wet one. lemme tell you...
aLilSuckySuckyNevaHurtNEone: DAMMIT! MY mom keeps yelling at me to unclog the toilet. I g2g talk to you later draco? ILL CALL YOU DRACO!! see ya goyle.
aLilSuckySuckyNevaHurtNEone signed off
DIEMudbloods: Goyle, I gotta be honest. I really liked what we did the other night. And my dream had you in it...not Granger.
OnMyKnees4Draco: OMG DRACO! I knew you felt the same way! And now with Crabbe out of the picture...I can express my true love for you! I LOVE YOU DRACO AND I WANNA MARRY YOU!!
DIEMudbloods: OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG ME TOO! COME OVER NOW!!!!!!!!
OnMyKnees4Draco signed off
DIEMudbloods signed off |
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*finally realizes O'Henry is reading that piece of grossness and flips out* OMG OMG WHAT ARE YOU READING! THAT IS PRIVATE THAT IS MY SECRET LOVE BEING REVEALED TO DRACO OMG YOU STUPID STUPID GIRL! NO I SHALL HEX YOU!! *tries to hex O'Henry but shoots his own robes off revealing a mesh t-shirt, tight white flare pants and a charm bracelet* dammit!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! DONT YOU DARE TELL ANYONE! ANYONE! |
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*As this is said O'Henry takes a polariod and runs out of the classroom giggling* CANT CATCH ME IM A WORD SQUAD MEMBER!!!!!! |
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*starts to follow O'Henry but platform shoes slow him down and he beings to pant excessively* |
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(O'Henry reaches top staircase to find Ron and Hermione passionately making babies.) Oh! sorry to interrupt....wheres Harry? (But Ron and Hermione are so in LURVE that they did not hear O'Henry) FINE! geez. (but then ohenry heres a muffled "thirrrrrrr flooo") ohhhh third floor! thanks hermione! (O'Henry makes her way to the third floor and is about to enter but GOYLE is running at her with his wand pointed at her. |
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AVA-*pants* AVADA-*pants some more* AVADA KEDAAAVV AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH |
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O'Henry's Notes: What happened next was odd. It turns out that the "wand" Goyle was pointing at me was actually his "wang" because he accidently ripped it off. The next five minutes of screaming every single window was broken in the castle and Dumbledore expelled Goyle for having a really small weiner. Tears streamed down Dracos face as Goyle was taken but a smile appeared when I spotted him tuck something that was lying on the floor in his back pocket. |
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(Through all the commotion O'Henry hears a beautifully sexy voice) OHENRY!!!!!!!!!! WHERE ARE CHU? OHENRY MY LOVE!??? |
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Ryan! Im OVER HERE! Oh my gosh! i have missed you terribly! |
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Omg ohenry, i was so worried that you were hurt! but then i saw your amazingly hot face and i can tell you are justttt fineeee (licks his lips and makes howling noises) |
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*cannot control herself* OK, even though im supposed to be reporting this event....i could take a break....theres a clam little spot on the top staircase........... RACE YOU! |
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O'Henry's Notes: So once again, another successful day. The ending was the most...awesome if YOU KNOW WHAT IM SAYIN!! So cha I again was awarded most clam and later i found Dick, Willy and Rod and we played pin the tail on Dracos anus. It was swell fun. Just remember kids, O'Henry is the freakin clammest and is in the Clammest Reporter/Wizard/Squadie Hall of Fame. Thank you and please poop in the ocean |
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