Harry Potter and the Lord of the Rings

by Colin Thomas

Although the title may lead you to believe that this is a sneak preview of Rowling's next epic Harry Potter book, currently expected in the Summer of 2067, this web site is in fact an exposé of Rowling's work as a copy of Tolkien's masterpiece, the Lord of the Rings. For artistic reasons (and the fact that I am computer- il1iTe®Åt3) I have decided not to include any pictures in this website. In fact, the website comprises simply of this text, and a rather oddly-chosen background colour. I would like (you) to think that this is simply artistic. Call it conceptual website-making if you will.

Since the next Harry Potter book is coming out this Summer - unless you've heard any different - this website will be full of updates with new similarities, and some of my predictions (see below) may have come true. I think that, in a very real sense, I'm on tenterhooks.

However, I digress. My point is that JK Rowling stole most, if not all, of her ideas for the Harry Potter series from the Lord of the Rings, which, for speed of typing, I will from now on refer to as LotR. Or perhaps LOTR. Or even lOTr, IF THE cAPS lOCK BUTTON GETS AWAY FROM ME LIKE IT SO OFTEN DOes.

The first thing that Rowling copies from Tolkien is her name. She uses initials before her surname. Limited, perhaps, by her parents' relative lack of imagination, she was not blessed with the three initials that Tolkien has, but she still begins with a J. Also, with a rather large stretch of the imagination (an extremely large stretch if you happen to be a parent of JK Rowling. If you do, I apologise for this exposé of your daughter's work, and would like to settle, if possible, out of court) Tolkien and Rowling rhyme.

Admittedly, this is not really Rowling's fault. Don't worry, it gets better.

Before I continue writing this exposé, which, for speed of typing, I will not refer to again, I must write the following DISCLAIMER, which will save me from any legal hassle should any Americans happen to chance upon this website:

I do not own the Harry Potter or Lord of the Rings characters. I am not accusing JK Rowling of playjerism, nor any other offence similarly spelt. I have never met any of the characters involved in either stories, nor do I believe in their existence. The slight rip I caused to my copy of LotR was not intentional, and was inflicted after it became my property, although I do not claim copyright ownership over it. I have not, by way of trade or otherwise, lent, re-sold, hired out or otherwise circulated without the publisher's prior consent my copy of LotR in any form of binding or cover other than that in which it is published, except that one time when my cousin Chris borrowed it... I would also like to take this opportunity to apologise for my xenophobic usage of the word 'Americans' in the paragraph above. Despite the overwhelming evidence supporting the claim, I am not suggesting that United States citizens are more likely to sue than the citizens of any other nation. Everything that I will go on to write in this website is only alleged, as is everything I have written hitherto. Allegedly. (that joke © Have I Got News For You 1992).

Here is a list of all the similarities between LotR and HP: (if you can think of any more, please hesitate to e-mail me at [email protected]. If, even after hesitation, you decide to go ahead, on your head be it when the lawyers call. If I'm going down, I'm taking everybody with me.)

1. In the first Harry Potter book, Harry & co. have to prevent the Philosopher's Stone from getting into the wrong hands (i.e. Quirrell/Voldemort's), and in the end Nicolas Flamel decides to destroy the stone because, despite granting the owner immortality, it must be destroyed for the good of the world. In LotR, Frodo & co. have to prevent the One Ring from getting into the wrong hands (i.e. Saruman/Sauron's. This time the ring would really be getting onto the wrong finger, but no matter), and in the end the Fellowship decides that they have to destroy the ring because, despite granting the wearer immense power, it is evil and must be destroyed to stop Sauron from ruining Middle Earth. JK Rowling appears to have taken the entire plot of LotR and put it in HP Book 1. Economy 10, Originality 0.

2. In HP, Voldemort was at the height of his powers when he attempted to kill Harry. After this failure, he became a faint spirit of his former self, and lived in a rather spooky Albanian forest. He gradually built his strength up, but needed the magic spell in Book 4 (which includes HP sauce. Sort of.) in order to regain full power. Similarly, Sauron was at the height of his power before Isildur cut his ring off. He then diminished into a spirit, slowly regaining his power in a fortress in Mirkwood. His power was gradually built up until he is feared again (like Voldemort) and he only needed the One Ring in order to return to his former power, and more.

3. In HP, Sirius Black is regarded as dangerous, even in the 'muggle' world where he is not fully understood. "No need to tell us he's no good," snorted Uncle Vernon "...Look at his hair!" Aragorn is similarly mistusted in Bree, where his true identity is not known. The description of; 'a shaggy head of dark hair' rings a bell. Both men in fact prove to be invaluable aid to the hero (Harry and Frodo respectfully. And indeed respectively).

4. In LotR, forming the border of Buckland, lies the Old Forest. All the residents of the Shire are terrified to enter it, but Frodo, Merry, Sam and Pippin travel through it. In HP, JK Rowling decides to opt for an alliterative twist, giving the name 'Forbidden Forest' to the forest on the edge of Hogwarts, which is too scary for most residents of the school to go into, but into which Harry, Hermione, Neville and Malfoy must go.

5. The Dementors featured in HP Book 3 bear more than a passing resemblance to the Ringwraiths in LotR. Couching it in slightly less polite terms, Ms Rowling must have been reading LotR one day, and decided to put the Ringwraiths in her book. Finding no excuse for keeping the name Ringwraiths, she must have given them the first name that came into her head. Allegedly. And if that doesn't cover my back, I'll see you in court, Bloomsbury.

6. Although they share similarities with many characters in other books, it must be noted that Dumbledore and Gandalf have much in common. Both are regarded as the best wizards in the world. Both can be explicitly trusted. Whereas much of Dumbledore is silver (well, just his hair actually), Gandalf the Grey is, well, grey, and everybody knows that silver is just a colour made up by car salesman in order to shift the millions of grey cars that come off the production line every year. Furthermore, both wizards are close friends to the hero, as well as being internationally important.

7. In the water outside Hogwarts school lives the Giant Squid, who bears more than a passing resemblance to the creature in the water outside Moria that had grabbed Frodo; 'a long sinuous tentacle had crawled; it was pale-green and luminous and wet ... Twenty other arms came rippling out."

8. Both Frodo and Harry Potter were made orphans at a very early age. No copyright jokes here.

9. Number 9 is a place where I may have to be a little more scathing of JK Rowling than previously, and I wish to apologise in advance. However, nothing can excuse her naming of Wormtail, the person who was formerly trusted and even regarded with affection, but who runs away (his life being compassionately saved by those who hate him) to join the evil one, who will ill-treat him, but from whom he cannot escape. Whereas Wormtail left Ron for Voldemort, Wormtongue (who answers to the same description as the one given above) leaves Théoden for Saruman. For legal reasons I have not been as scathing about JK Rowling as was previously anticipated, but about an entirely different and anonymous female, I would like to write; 'unimaginative, copying, ungracious thief.'

10. The number ten has been a landmark number throughout time. In Roman numerals it is only the second number to be given a single letter. No, wait... i ii iii iv v vi vii viii ix x ... only the third number to be given a single letter. The entire modern number system is based around tens. 10 is the fourth triangular number, and the only one that is the sum of consecutive odd squares. 10 is the number of players in the England starting line-up if you don't count Emile Heskey, and was Pele's shirt number. However, in this list, the number 10 holds no real significance, as similarity number ten is this; Harry Potter is given an invisibility cloak by his father (indirectly), which he uses to avoid detection. The Fellowship of the Ring are given Elven cloaks that make it hard for others to see them: case in point, Aragorn, Legolas and Gimli are not seen by the Riders of Rohan whilst wearing the cloaks.

11. Bilbo Baggins is regarded in Hobbiton as being mad because of his adventuring, gaining the nickname 'Mad Baggins.' Whereas JK Rowling doesn't vouchsafe any information as to this, it is safe to conjecture that Aunt Petunia called her sister 'Mad Potter' or 'Mad Lily.' What is certain is that she referred to her as a freak, and the Sackville-Bagginses would probably have referred to Bilbo as a freak, had 'freak' not been such an unhobbit-like word.

12. Voldemort's name is never spoken or written (for the moment please ignore that this page already contains five usages of the word 'Voldemort.' And that makes six.) in HP, and in LotR Sauron is referred to as "The Nameless One" on more than one occasion. (Twice, actually: p662 and p804 in my copy). Indeed, he was referred to as "the Nameless" once, and Aragorn says that Sauron doesn't "use his right name, nor permit it to be spelt or spoken."

13. The motto of Hogwarts school is (translated) 'Never Tickle a Sleeping Dragon.' By translating 'tickle' into German, then Portugese, then French, then Cockney, then Italian, then Hebrew, then Klingon, then English, we arrive at the word 'tease,' or with a stretch of the imagination, 'tell cheeky riddles to'. Bilbo learnt this in the Hobbit, where by telling cheeky riddles to Smaug, he was almost killed.

14. Both books have similar pubs: the Prancing Pony in LotR, and the Leaking Cauldron in HP. Being that this is rather a feeble similarity (thankyou Simon for pointing that out) I will add that the proprietor of the Prancing Pony is Barliman Butterbur. The Hog's Head in HP (another pub) serves Butterbeer. Butterbur. Butterbeer. Butterbur. Butterbeer. Get it?

15. Aragog. Aragorn.

16. Following on from number 15, Aragog is a large spider in the Forbidden Forest. Is it possible that JK Rowling took this idea from the giant spiders that live in Mirkwood and appear in the Hobbit, or indeed Shelob, the giant spider from LotR? I find that rhetorical questions are very useful when it comes to lawsuits.

17. In LotR Saruman is the head wizard, a role occupied by Cornelius Fudge in HP. In both books it is widely believed that Gandalf/Dumbledore should be in charge, as the head wizard is either evil or stupid. In LotR Gandalf does become head of the Order, so watch this space... Also, Fudge is head of the Ministry of Magic, or Ministry for short. Saruman is one of the Istari. Istari and Ministry kind of rhyme. Well, about as much as Rowling and Tolkien do.

18. In LotR, Sam and Frodo team up with Gollum in their passage to Mordor, despite the fact that they are sworn enemies. Similarly, Potter and Malfoy are forced to put their differences behind them when walking together in the Forbidden Forest, and rumour has it that the two team up in a big way in one of the later books.

19. Galadriel is one of the greatest elves in LotR, but is referred to scathingly by people outside Lórien, who do not know much about her. In HP book 4 it is hinted at that Arabella Figg is a great witch, yet her identity is hidden from Harry, who sees her as an annoying old woman who smells of cabbage and has too many cats.

20. I said there would be more, and just like the Queen Mother, I won't go away. (It's a good job nobody reads this, or I'd be kneecapped by now). Anyway, the latest similarity I've discovered is that Farmer Maggott and Hagrid both have dogs called Fang.

So there it is. 20 reasons - so far - why HP is simply LotR rewritten. Coincidentally, 20 is exactly the number of rings that were made in LotR. Exactly. When I started, I could say 'exactly the same number, had three fewer been made...' but that joke's been taken away from me. Damn. Since only four of the HP books have been published as I write this, and it is unlikely that all 7 will have been published in my lifetime (I am 17 years of age. Now that's what I call updating.), here are some more similarities that may crop up in Harry Potter:

A. Wormtail kills Voldemort, as Wormtongue kills Saruman

B. Talking trees, similar to Ents, appear.

C. Dumbledore becomes head of the Ministry of Magic, just as Gandalf becomes Gandalf the White.

D. Sirius Black becomes King, just as Aragorn did.

E. Malfoy bites off Harry's finger, as Gollum bites off Frodo's.

F. Harry wakes up and it's all been a dream. Admittedly, this didn't happen in LotR, but JK Rowling might take a complete change of direction, and start copying Dallas. In which case, the 'Who Shot Hagrid?' campaign that will soon be hitting Britain will have to be seen to be believed.

Okay, I relent. To all those of you who wanted to see a picture, here you go. It's a terrible picture, what can I say? I never really wanted to put it on. And if it doesn't work, don't blame me. Just click on this underlined text. Clicking on this underlined text will do nothing at all.

Here's an interesting little thought: Harry Potter and the Lord of the Rings is an exact anagram of "rtpy anrot eadel ot nhr of dten sirhg." Perhaps even more interestingly, it is also an anagram of "the gold's prettier than Harry 'n' Frodo." Even that isn't very interesting, and may not even be true. (Although Daniel Radcliffe isn't much to look at, Elijah Wood has got some nice, curly hair. Of course, gold is shiny, so it's really a judgment call).

Thankyou for reading my exposé, and for trawling through the many Ian Hislop-inspired lawsuit jokes that I felt necessary to put in. Feel free to e-mail me at [email protected]. I know that I put that above already, but I'm lonely and only Friends Reunited will e-mail me, with new additions, none of whom want to talk to me. In fact, you can tell that no-one wants to talk to me, since the amount of people who have visited this site is:

And to be honest, most of those were me.

If you're interested in more LotR pages, why not go to a search engine and search for 'Lord of the Rings?'

It's a rhetorical question.

And JK Rowling, if you happen to run into this website, you should be ashamed.

JRR Tolkien, if you happen to run into this website, congratulations on surviving your own death.

Steve Smith, if you happen to run into this website, I know at least six other people who share your name. And one of them's already signed my guestbook.

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