It is our ritual, John�s and mine. And no one else ever knew about it.
I remember how it started. Logan had just left to find out more about his past. I was sad, of course, but I could cope with it because I�ve become friends with two boys � Bobby and John � who literally had opposing qualities. It wasn�t long until Bobby asked me to be his girlfriend. I accepted, of course, because I genuinely liked him. Bobby was an easy person to like; he was always friendly and sweet to everyone. John, however, was another case. He was sarcastic, bitter, and was always distancing himself from every other student or teacher at Xavier�s.
That was why it shocked me to find that he understood me better than anyone else.
It was one of those days, you know, when everything just seemed to go wrong and you felt depressed about every single aspect of your life. I didn�t even know what triggered it. I just missed Logan so much and I was frustrated that Bobby and I couldn�t touch. Bobby, of course, made it worse by being the perfect boyfriend. He kept insisting that it didn�t bother him, that I was the perfect girlfriend, and that we�d find other ways to �express� our feelings. He didn�t get that all I wanted was to lash out and break down over my pathetic existence. He wouldn�t understand. He wouldn�t want to see his perfect girlfriend throw a tantrum over what he considered to be a non-problem.
So I distanced myself from him that day. I told him that I wasn�t feeling too well and that I was just going to spend the rest of the day in my room. When he suggested that he�d visit me after class, I strictly refused it. He had this hurt look on his face that made me feel really guilty about ditching him. John was there too when I told Bobby. He didn�t say anything, but his face remained expressionless that I felt okay looking at him.
That night I couldn�t sleep. I�d spent the day tossing and turning on my bed. I felt so frustrated that I wanted to rip apart the sheets and scream at the top of my lungs. But my common sense told me that destroying every single item in my room would not help my situation one bit. It was when I was lying restlessly on my bed (wishing that I could bash myself unconscious) that John came into my room.
Despite the oddness of the situation, I did not say anything as he calmly walked to my bed and lie down next to me. I was surprisingly silent as he gently rolled me over so that my back was facing him. And I certainly didn�t protest as his hands made their way around my waist.
Slowly, I felt calmed by his presence. I still remembered the sensations. The warmth that radiated from him surprisingly soothed my over-heated body. His breaths that blew against my hair somehow lifted the weight off my head and cleared my mind. The feel of his heartbeat as his chest was pressed completely against my back steadied my own rapid pulse and calmed my shallow breathing. And the slow circles that he made with his hands on my stomach relaxed my body completely. I did not even think about the peculiarity of our proximity or the threat my skin posed to his general well-being. I just wanted to lie there forever, being completely relaxed, in his arms. Neither of us uttered a single word as he continued to hold me until I fell asleep.
And so this �ritual� continued. A few nights a week John would come to my room, crawl to my bed, and just hold me until I fall asleep. There were times when I cried, but John just held me and said nothing. In the morning he would always be gone and I would always wake up feeling exceptionally refreshed.
It allowed me to be Bobby�s perfect girlfriend. He was always pleased by my constant good mood and only occasionally did he ask about it. Of course I always replied by saying that I was just happy to be with him. He needed not know that the true source of my joyfulness came from spending the night lying in the arms of his best friend.
My �formal� relationship with John did not change with this �ritual�. Neither of us ever said a word as he embraced me in the night and neither of us ever brought it up during the day. We�d developed a silent agreement that this was to be our little secret. We�d also agreed that this would never affect our relationships with Bobby and with each other.
So during the day, I was Bobby�s loyal girlfriend and John�s good friend. I would hold hands with Bobby and joke with John. I would go off with Bobby to a secluded place and do as much couple stuff as possible without actually touching. I always drew the line on kissing, though, because the thought of what happened to David happening to Bobby was just too much to bear. And any �formal� physical contact with John was always limited to the occasional shove in the hallways or the random smack on the head.
But when everyone including Bobby was sound asleep on their beds, John was on mine. And the comforting embrace that we shared grew more �intimate� over time. It happened gradually of course. I remembered how my breath caught in my throat as John�s hands brushed along the bottom curve of my breasts as he extended the circular movements on my stomach. I remembered how comfortable it felt when he rested his head against my hair, drawing me closer as his arms closed over my shoulders. I remembered how my heart sped up as his hands traveled down the side of my thighs until it reached the border where my nightgown hem met my deadly skin. And I remembered placing my hands above his as they rested slightly beneath my belly just before I fell asleep. I didn�t understand why it didn�t bother me that John had touched me more than any other man in my life. And he wasn�t even my current boyfriend! I was sure that I would never let Bobby touch me like John did. It was just too dangerous for him.
I didn�t know why I wasn�t as concerned about John�s safety as I did Bobby�s. Maybe it was because I knew John didn�t care. He was always more reckless than Bobby and his gift DID deal with touching something that was normally untouchable. To him, my skin was just another type of fire that he had yet to conquer.
After a while though, my longing to be touched changed into a desire TO touch. So one night I just rolled over and faced him. He looked at me confusingly but said nothing. I looked down to make sure that he wore pants (ever since our little �ritual� began, John never slept in shorts anymore) and crossed my bare legs over his. Carefully I placed both of my hands on his torso and drew him close against me. I rested my head against his chest and linked my hands behind his back. I couldn�t remember feeling more comfortable in my life. I could listen to the soft beat of his heart or inhale his scent or trace the contours of his muscles across his back. I�d never been this close to a guy before and the feeling was exhilarating. John usually reciprocated by drawing lazy patterns on my back and resting his head against mine.
Afterwards, John�s visits became even more frequent. He came almost every night and I became accustomed to his presence. Sometimes I felt like I was TOO accustomed. I noticed that I was always so much happier during the day if John had held me the night before. But I wasn�t going to do anything about it because I didn�t want anything to change.
Everything DID change, however, when Bobby almost caught us.
Bobby was normally a heavy sleeper and he very rarely woke up in the middle of the night. Well, one night he did and he must have noticed that John was absent from his bed. Since John and I never acted any different in front of him, I don�t think he suspected that John was with me. Still, he decided to come and visit me that night. It was a good thing that Bobby was raised with good manners because he knocked first, leaving time for John to hide in the bathroom. I didn�t like how this was all playing out. It made me feel like I was sneaking around behind my boyfriend�s back. I never thought that John and I were doing anything wrong before. But at that moment, I felt the biggest feeling of guilt as I gazed up at Bobby�s smiling face and trusting eyes.
That didn�t stop me from feeling distressed, though, when John didn�t come for several days. It didn�t really change his �school-time� behavior towards me, so I figured that he probably just wanted to sleep on his own bed for a couple of days. I, on the other hand, felt uneasy. This guilt over Bobby was eating me and I knew what I had to do.
John came back about five days after the �Bobby incident�. As usual, he crept silently to my bed and put his arms around me from behind. But, instead of relaxing quietly into his embrace, I violated the number one rule of our �ritual�: I broke the code of silence.
�John, what are we doing?�
I could tell that he was bothered about me speaking up. He remained silent for several minutes and I actually thought that he was just going to brush my question off.
�You were here for the past few months. You should know what we�re doing by now.�
�Yes, I know what THIS is called.� I said, referring to the embrace. �I just don�t know what it means.�
�It means we are two people who take comfort from touching each other, Rogue.�
�And you don�t see anything wrong with that?�
�Not really.�
I turned my body so that it was facing his. I needed to look in his eyes. �If there�s nothing wrong in this, then why did you have to hide when Bobby came in the other night?�
�Hey, you shoved me in that bathroom, remember? I didn�t care if Bobby found me here.�
�But he�s your best friend! And I�m his girlfriend. Don�t you think we�re betraying him?�
�Rogue, we never did anything wrong. All we did was comfort each other and ��
�� Sleep together? I�m pretty sure that�s not right by any book.�
�Oh, come on. You know that only applies to sex?�
�Yeah, something that Bobby and I can�t do because of my gift,� I replied quietly. Sex had always been a sensitive issue for me and I preferred not to talk about it. I sat up on the bed. �Look, touching is the most that I can do. And so far, you�ve� well, you�ve touched me more than Bobby ever has.�
John also sat up. �So let me get this straight. THIS wouldn�t be considered cheating if you and Bobby were having sex?�
�That�s not what I�m saying at all. There are many ways people can be intimate without, uh, sex, but the problem is I�ve been more �intimate� with you than I have with Bobby. Now, I�m sure that there�s something horribly wrong if you�ve been less intimate with your boyfriend than you have with his best friend.�
�And you�re blaming that on me?�
�I�m not blaming anyone for this! I just want you to see how wrong this is!�
�So what? Do you want to stop, Rogue? Is this what you�re asking me? Do you want me to stop coming here?�
OK, I didn�t expect that. But he was right. What else could I have been asking for by bringing this up? �I don�t know.�
�Well, you said it yourself. This is wrong. It�s disloyal to Bobby.� He pulled out his lighter and started to flick its lid. I noticed that he always did that when he�s agitated, bored, or nervous. �I personally don�t care. I don�t care that Bobby hasn�t made as much effort to be �intimate� with you as I have. It�s not my problem.�
�How can you think like this? Don�t you care that he�s your best friend?�
�Of course I do. But you know what they say: �All�s fair in love and war�. Just �cause you labeled each other as a couple doesn�t mean that everyone else has to accept it.�
�Is that what I am? A contest between the two of you??�
�Rogue, Rogue, don�t you see that it HAS been a contest ever since the first time you met us? And Bobby hasn�t won yet. It�s a shame he froze my fireball that time �cause I never got to show you what I can do.� He flicked open his trusty lighter and form a fireball on his palm. �Extend your hand.�
�What are you going to do?�
�Just extend your hand, will you?�
I still wasn�t done with him but I was curious on what he was about to do. So I cautiously extended my right palm toward him.
I looked at him, expecting him to give some fireball show. But John just gave me a smirk and suddenly planted his lips on mine! With David in mind, my first instinct was to push him back. But he kept me still by placing his hand on the back of my neck. Right away I could feel the flow of power from his lips to mine. It felt hot, basically, and I couldn�t help but liked it. I�ve never drained another mutant by kissing him and it actually felt remarkable. I could feel my body warming as John�s essence continued to flow through me. Suddenly I felt a slight pain on my right palm before it was replaced by this incredible warmth. The kiss felt like it lasted for several minutes because so many things happened, but it actually only went on for a couple of seconds.
When we separated, I saw veins popping on John�s face. He looked drained (for lack of a better word!), but somehow he still managed to smile.
�Check out your hand, Rogue.�
There, on my right palm, was a mini figurine model of me, which was completely made of fire. It was� mesmerizing! Not simply because I was able to hold fire in my hand, but because the figurine was� well, beautiful.
I could hear John saying under his breath, �Take that, lame-ass Popsicle flower!�
I couldn�t help but smile at that. I watched the embers slowly die out as the effect of the drain was diminishing. Finally it all disappeared in a puff of smoke. I looked at John, his face was returning to normal. He seemed to be waiting for me to say something.
�That was beautiful, John. Thank You. But it still doesn�t solve our problem.�
�I already told you it�s not MY problem. You are welcome to torture yourself over this moral dilemma, but I�m telling you now that I will keep coming, Rogue. You can reject me, if you want, but I don�t think you�re going to do that. You like it too much. You like the freedom of not being afraid to hurt the one you�re with and the danger of going behind Bobby�s back.�
�You�re too arrogant for your own good, John.�
�Only when I�m right.� He got up from my bed and walked towards the door. Before he got out, he took one last look at me and said, �Same time tomorrow then?�
I didn�t have time to give my answer but I did think a lot that night. The kiss kind of gave me a glimpse of what John was thinking. Apparently, John kept quiet about our ritual because he was waiting for me to confront him about it (which I did tonight, of course). It was then that John would push his cards on the table, alongside Bobby�s, or so to speak (it was his metaphor, not mine). And now it seemed that John would quit acting like the perfect �good friend� to me and start behaving like proper �competition� for Bobby. Afterwards, I did notice that John made more rude comments about Bobby and me than before. Sometimes he even showed his jealousy when I went off with Bobby and I was pretty sure that Bobby noticed that as well.
He never found out about the ritual though. And although I continued to feel guilty towards Bobby, I could not bring myself to stop it.
In the end, John WAS right. I DID like it too much. So when he kept coming back to my bed, I hardly ever rejected him. That is why the �ritual� is still going on, even now. And I don�t think that I can ever give it up. I am truly addicted.
I hate her.
I totally hate her.
But I can�t bring myself to resist her.
At the beginning, it was a game, you know. A sick and twisted mind game we both played when Bobby was not around. Then, over time, it developed into something more �dangerous� that I couldn�t help myself but become hooked on her. We were playing with fire and it was only a matter of time before we got burned.
The first time I came to her bed, I was sure that she�d reject me immediately (or freak out even). When she didn�t, and relaxed into my hold instead, I knew that I got her.
I was right about her. And I felt proud of it. I KNEW from the first time I ever saw her that she was way more than the quiet weird shy girl everyone thought she was. I KNEW that she was holding back her power and was just CRAVING for someone to lure it out of her. When she got together with Drake, I knew that she wouldn�t be satisfied with plain safe perfect Bobby. She wanted danger and I knew that I�d be the one to provide her with a fire to play with (pardon my very self-promoting metaphor, but, hey, is it my fault if my power totally rocks?).
At first she didn�t want to acknowledge this side of her. That was why she never spoke about our �ritual�. I went along with it because I wanted her to admit that she liked it. I wanted her to realize that our embrace was about more than just comfort; that it was about two thrill-addicts seeking excitement and the chance to experiment with their full potential powers.
When she finally confronted me about our little �ritual�, I was ecstatic. I had to show her what I was willing to offer her. When she let me kiss her, I knew that she wasn�t going to give me up anytime soon. She was addicted and I wasn�t letting her off the hook. I kept coming to her bed and she never once rejected me, despite her so-called �guilt� over Bobby. I decided to play with her by making rude wisecracks about her relationship with Drake or by deliberately brushing myself against her in class. It was harmless and it stayed like that for a quite a while.
That is until Bobby went away for a long time.
It was during the last month of our summer break. Bobby had just received a phone call from his perfect little family, telling him to come home for the holidays. They�d booked tickets for a ski trip to Goddamn Aspen, for Christ�s sake!!
I could not help but feel bitter about his good luck. But, of course, Bobby � perfect boyfriend that he was � didn�t want to leave Rogue alone on her first holiday in a new school (never mind that they�d been together everyday for 2.5 months!). Excuse me while I roll my eyes and send a little fireball over to Bobby�s neat stack of clean white boxers. Whatever�
Anyway, since Bobby was as much a perfect son as he was boyfriend, he agreed to come home for a few weeks. He promised Rogue that he�d call her everyday and that he�d be back before school started.
I decided to deal with my bitterness by being an asshole on his last day at the manor. The three of us stood outside the entrance hall as Bobby loaded the last of his trunks to the bus. He turned to face Rogue with this sad and hesitant look on his face. Geez, could the guy BE any more dramatic? I shouldn�t have been surprised, though, considering he cried like a baby during Moulin Rouge.
Unable to stand the waterworks that were about to unfold before me, I casually put my hand around Rogue�s shoulders and smirked at Bobby, �Now, don�t start crying on me, Drake. I�ll keep your girl company while you�re gone. You just make sure you don�t get froze-bite on those nuggets, otherwise Rogue here will be really disappointed.�
Rogue just looked at me like I�d grown a second head (hey, with all the mutations I�ve seen, who knows?) but said nothing. I did notice, however, that she was slightly nudging my hand off her shoulders. Determined to piss both of them off, I tightened my hold instead.
Bobby blew out an exasperated breath, �John, you�re a jackass. Tell you what, I�ll bring back a nice little mountain goat to keep you company on those cold, lonely nights. Whaddya say, huh?�
�Oh, don�t worry, Drake. I�m sure your girlfriend here won�t mind keeping me warm at nights.�
Rogue glared at me and looked as if she�d like to grab hold of my neck. Barehanded. Bobby looked annoyed but said nothing. Instead, he turned to Rogue, grabbed one of her hands, and pulled her towards him. Both of them kind of gave me a look that told me to scram. I was going to ignore it at first, pretending I didn�t catch it, but finally I relented. I turned around and threw up my hands, �Fine. Go do your dramatic goodbye scene. I promise I won�t look.�
But I did sneak a glance. Bobby carefully brought her gloved hands to his mouth and kissed them (Could he be more white frickin� knight in shining armor?) while Rogue had this dazed look on her face. Then suddenly, he pressed two of her fingers to her lips and leaned in to kiss their leathery surface.
I didn�t know whether to gag or revel at my best friend�s romantic gesture.
I turned around to see Bobby putting one hand on Rogue�s head and saying, �I�ll call you as soon as I get there, okay?�
He then picked up his bag, punched me in the shoulders, and said, �Light up a fire if you�re cold, Allerdyce. Whatever� Just don�t burn the room or set any more of my stuff on fire. And I do expect you to take care of my girl while I�m gone.�
I rolled my eyes, �Yeah, yeah. Get on that thing already so Rogue and I can leave.�
He walked towards the bus and added before getting on, �Bye, Rogue. See you later� burned balls.�
Gotta admit that that was a good one.
�Bye, Bobby,� Rogue said quietly.
I plastered a jeering smile at the departing bus, leaned over to Rogue, and mumbled, �So� leather-coated kiss, huh? Score.�
She looked annoyed but I could tell that she was holding back a smile, �You�re such an ass, John.� She punched my shoulders and added as we were walking back to the house, �And don�t ever say something like that in front of Bobby.�
�What? The keep-me-warm thing? Don�t worry, he thinks his perfect little girlfriend will never ever go for scruffy, rude, reckless me.� Then I put my arm around her shoulders and breathed in her ear, �But we both know that that�s not true, right, Rogue?�
Kitty or someone came down the hallway then, so Rogue responded by pushing me to the walls. She�d never denied it, though, and, that night, she tiptoed to my bed before I got the chance to come to her room. When I woke up in the morning, I found that she was still there.
Bobby or someone equally moronic would say that the feeling of seeing her beautiful sleeping face, framed by the morning sunlight, was the stuff of poems. But since that ain�t my style, I�d just say that it was pretty sweet.
As we spent more and more time together, and with every morning that she woke up in my arms, I grew increasingly attached to her. I hated it.
I hated feeling attached and I hated the fact that she could have such a strong hold of me. I never wanted to look out for anyone but myself, but now I felt like I�d do anything for her. No matter what I did, I could not bring myself to stop it.
Then one night in front of the fireplace completely pushed me over the edge.
It was late and mostly everyone was asleep. We were both sprawled on the sofa with her feet propped on my lap. I was flicking my zippo and Rogue was playing with the white strand of her hair. I was just about to ask her if she was dozing off when she popped her question.
�How does it feel?�
�How does what feel?�
�Well, you know, to be able to touch fire when everyone else gets burned?�
�Well, you�ve tried it before, Rogue, you should know how it feels,� I replied, referring to the time I put that fire figurine on her hand. �Or do you want another demonstration?� I raised my eyebrows at her and smirked.
She kicked me lightly on the side of my thigh, �You know what I mean, John.�
�Well, I don�t know.� I drew some fire from the burning hearth and formed a nice little ball in my hand. �I guess it just feels warm. Like my skin has this invisible protective coating that prevents me from getting burned. SPF-one-million.�
�Must be nice, isn�t it? To be able to touch something untouchable? Doesn�t it make you feel special?�
�Hmm, that IS true. You�re untouchable and I get to touch you� Kind of. Well, at least way more than Bobby dares to. Hey, you�re right. It does make me feel special.
�John! Can�t you just answer my question straight?�
�Okay, what do you want to know, Rogue?�
�Well, besides your hands, are any other parts of your body fireproof?�
I shaped the fire into a glove and fit my arm into it. Hmm, nice and toasty. �Yup.�
�What about your face? And, uh, your mouth?�
I turned the glove into a mask and pressed it against my face. I imagined that it�d look quite freaky to her. But she actually seemed fascinated.
�Yeah,� I replied through the flame. �Why?�
�Uh, no reason.� She seemed nervous and started to devote a substantial amount of focus on her hair.
I crossed my arms and waited.
After about five minutes of zippo-flicking and hair-staring, Rogue finally threw her hair aside and started fidgeting. �It�s nothing, really. I was just wondering� Well, I�ve tried this with Bobby but it didn�t quite work. It was his power, you know. It was too cold and, uh, solid. So I was just thinking about how fire is so not, uh, cold or solid�� She was blabbering away and I wasn�t about to stop her. She�s cute when she does that.
�Yeah��
�I guess what I�m trying to say is� How long do you think I can hold your power if I touched you without making you pass out?�
�I don�t know� Five minutes?�
�That�s more than enough,� she said more to herself.
�What are you up to, Rogue?�
�Ok, I�ll show you. Just don�t freak out, okay?� She kind of glanced around to make sure that we were completely alone, then carefully moved to sit on my lap, straddling my hip. I was surprised that she�d risk such a, uh, risqu� position in a public place, but I definitely wasn�t complaining.
She pulled out both of her gloves and looked at me straight in the eyes, �Trust me.� Then she put both hands on my cheeks. Immediately, I felt my power (essence? life force?) coursed from my cheeks to her hands. It was probably the same feeling as being sucked through a drain (okay, I�m using water metaphor now, but whatever). It definitely wasn�t pleasant, but somehow I didn�t care because I also felt this rush that I got every time I was close to her (shut up, I know it�s a clich�).
Then, as soon as it begun, it was over. Rogue turned to look at the fireball that was still hovering on my palm. She drew it to her hands, shaped it into some kind of sash, and draped it over her lips. She looked quite delighted of having fire touched her skin. She smiled at me, �I hope this works.�
I was pleasantly surprised for the second time that night when she plastered her lips to mine. This time, though, I didn�t feel the sucking force of her mutation. What I felt, instead, was the nice toasty warmth of the fire enveloping her very soft lips.
Now I understood why it didn�t work with Bobby. How fun would it be to make out through a sheet of ice?
She started to pull back but I kept her in place by entangling my hands in her hair. I could see a slight reluctance in her eyes before she decided to give in by placing her hands on my shoulders and pulling me closer.
I definitely took advantage of the situation. I deepened the kiss and by the way she kissed me back� well, let�s just say that I knew she was into it. I put my hands on her waist and started to bite at her bottom lip. It was such a turn-on to hear her gasp my name. I didn�t want to stop kissing her. I was just� gone. COMPLETELY to the deep end.
We finally had to stop when the fire sash started to die out. Rogue pulled back with one last peck on my lips. She placed her forehead near � but not quite touching � mine, still breathless, �I can�t believe I just did that.�
�You should do that more, Rogue.�
She looked up at me and sat up, �John��
I put my fingers on her lips, ignoring the draining feeling of her power, �Don�t. Don�t start with the guilt trip now. You were curious, it happened, we both enjoyed it. Let�s leave it at that.�
She pulled on her gloves. �Fine. Uh, good. �Cause I wouldn�t want you thinking, you know� So that was a one-time thing, right?�
I decided to play along. �Sure. But you gotta admit� You liked it, didn�t you?�
She stood up with a blush threatening to creep up her cheeks. �John� I�m not going to answer that!�
I leaned back, throwing my arms carelessly across the sofa, �Fine, don�t tell me. Your lips have spoken volumes anyway.�
�Whatever� Let�s just go to bed, okay?� She extended one gloved hand toward me and pulled me up.
�If you wish, Roguey.� I followed her as she walked toward her room.
�Don�t call me that!�
�So you prefer MARIE now?�
�How do you know?�
�I�m Bobby�s roommate, remember?�
�Right, Bobby.�
Before Rogue could start her miserable lil� trip to guilt-land, I quipped, �Yeah. So I�m guessing that an ice-coated make-out was about as much fun as getting an ice-cream headache, huh?�
She looked at me wearily but went to grab my hand, �Just shut up, SAINT John.�
She didn�t kiss me again that night, but it wasn�t long until she did. Our ritual had finally developed into a full-fledged affair (if you want to put it that way).
We kept it up even after Bobby came back. And it wasn�t as if Rogue were holding herself back much. One time when Bobby and everyone were playing basketball, Rogue came over to me. I was sitting under this tree and she just sort of propped herself against me, sitting in between my legs. She didn�t really say anything, but I knew that she just wanted me to touch her. It was in full daylight and Bobby was just yards away. I knew she liked the rush.
There were other times when we�d meet up in the bathroom in the middle of class or when I would wait for her in the greenhouse before everyone woke up. Ms. Munroe almost caught us once, but Rogue just gave some crappy � but I guess, believable � excuse about how she was just taking a morning walk when she found me in the greenhouse. Ms. Munroe kind of looked at me suspiciously and asked if I were going to set more of her plants on fire. I ended up with detention that week.
We even met up when we were outside of school. A while ago, the teachers decided to do this little �school trip� to the museum (�cause God knows how much we NEED to blend with ORDINARY humans). It was hell boring and I wouldn�t have gone if Xavier hadn�t invaded my mind with his old man essence. Anyway, the three of us were standing outside this cave man exhibit� I remember it well cause I distinctly recall making this comment to Bobby as he stood next to a display of this ape-man-look-a-like standing on blocks of ice (I guess they were trying to show that it was the ice age or something), �Hey, Drake. Check it out. It�s your ancestors.�
Bobby replied smugly, pointing to the exhibit behind me, �And I�m guessing those are yours, Allerdyce.�
I turned around to see a display of three very-more-apelike-and-less-human statues, depicting what I�m guessing was the discovery of the first flame. Hmm, neat.
Rogue rolled her eyes, �Oh, honestly�� She walked over to Bobby and took his hand, �I�m gonna go to the bathroom. Wait for me here?�
Bobby replied by giving his ever famous smile (the dumb-ass got voted �best smile� last year. Go figure). �Of course.�
Before she went, however, she sneaked me one of those �looks�, which I had come to recognize well. That was my cue.
I waited like fifteen seconds after she left before announcing to Bobby, �This blows. I�m gonna look for food.�
Bobby didn�t even give me a second look as I hightailed it after Rogue. What I tell ya? Dumb-ass.
When I came in the restroom, I found her sitting on the sink bench, swinging her legs.
�What took you so long?�
�Now, now, Rogue. You wouldn�t want Bobby to sniff anything, would you? Or can I tell him now that I�m meeting his girlfriend for a little make-out session?� I walked right up to her until my waist bumped into her knees.
I was about to light my zippo when she stopped me. She pointed to the ceiling, �Fire alarm.�
I hate smokers. They�re just ruining it for everyone.
She pulled this thin shawl thing from her jeans pocket. �I got this though. I think it�ll work.� She smiled as she tied it around my mouth, �Why, John, I think this color suits you. You look absolutely lovely!�
I put my hands on her knees, parted her thighs, and moved my body in. Immediately, I felt her legs encircling my hip. I sneered at her, �Whatever rocks your boat, Roguey.�
�I told you not to call me��
I silenced her by covering her mouth with mine. Now I could go into the detail of our kiss, but let�s just say that it felt good to get my tongue massaged. The shawl thing didn�t work that well so I had to stop her after about two minutes. I was very much distracted, however, by the fact that her hands were still massaging WAY low on my back. Okay, I�m gonna sound like an idiot for saying this, but if I could, I�d stay in that bathroom with her forever.
Or, I guess, until Bobby barged in that door and turned me into a nice giant ice block�
Rogue, realizing the very potential of this scenario, began to untangle her legs from around my waist. She stripped the shawl from my mouth and pocketed it.
�So what did you tell Bobby?�
�I was looking for food.�
�Hmm, good one. Why don�t you go down to the food court? I�ll go back to Bobby and we can meet you there.�
I just nodded and followed her out of the bathroom.
Afterwards, I kinda caused a lil� scene in the food court. I don�t even know what the big deal was. Those assholes deserved what they got. I didn�t like the way they were looking at Rogue. I don�t get Xavier�s bullshit about hiding our powers and getting along with humans. We are obviously superior to them and what was it that that Darwin dude said? The strong will flourish while the weak perish? Survival of the species? Yeah, some crap like that. The way I figure, �normal� humans are scared of us (as they should be) and I don�t care jack squad for them. For me, that�s no formula for a peaceful co-existence.
Rogue was a bit pissed at me though. She bombarded me with some crap about how someone might have been hurt and how I shouldn�t have shown off. I just gave her a sneer but said nothing. I didn�t tell her how her eyes had this tiny spark of excitement when I and � eventually � Bobby used our powers against the idiots.
Afterwards, that Logan dude came back. Rogue first came in with him so I guess they were quite tight. And I�ve heard about how he saved her during that Liberty Island thing. So, as expected, Bobby started acting territorial.
The idiot.
While he went around freezing the caps off Wolverine�s sixer, Rogue was holed up with me in a broom closet.
Contrary to what Rogue might think, I did feel guilty about Bobby. After all, he was (still is, I guess) my best friend. He was the only guy in the manor who gave me a chance when I first arrived. That�s really his biggest strength and weakness. He has too much faith in people. He fits them into these perfect little molds that makes him oblivious to what�s right in front of him. He doesn�t realize that Rogue is as much about danger and passion as she is about sweetness and innocence. That�s why I think they�re doomed together.
But, then again, so are we.
A great part of me wants to flee from our arrangement. I can�t afford to become attached to her. I tend to lose people that way. I don�t want to care about her. But I�m halfway there anyway.
And that�s why I hate her.
I want her because I can�t have her. But, yet, at the same time, I don�t WANT to want her. I�m just caught in this big crap hole of contradictions.
One day, I know that I�ll have to leave her. But for now, I can�t � I won�t � stop seeing her. I�m as much addicted to this as she is. And there�s nothing either of us can do about it.
So here I am, in one of Xavier�s secret tunnels, watching my girlfriend cheat on me with my best friend.
I�m normally Mr. Cool, you know � heck, considering my gift, I�m rarely anything BUT cold � but now, as I see her with him, I burn.
Ironic, considering that�s normally HIS thing.
It�s been two months after he left us. One moment we were hanging out, just having a good time, and the next it was, �Sayonara, I�m joining the bad guy.� He just up and went. Not even looking back. It was like our friendship meant nothing. He didn�t even try to call us afterwards.
Or at least I thought he didn�t.
Apparently I was wrong, since he obviously contacted her.
And considering their current �interaction�, I�m guessing that this isn�t their first meeting.
For one, their faces are much too close. He�s backed her up against the wall and he�s giving her that characteristic sneer of his. And instead of looking annoyed � as she normally would be � she is looking at him... teasingly. It�s definitely a look I�ve never seen before.
I wonder if it�s something she reserves just for him. The thought just seethes me...
And her body language is different too. She looks very much... receptive to his advances. I cringe as I see her hands travel up and down the side of his body. They soon make their way across his back and up to his neck. My stomach churns as he pulls her to him, ugh, moulding the fronts of the bodies together. And, as much as I feel like being sick at the moment, I can�t help but be curious as to what they�ll do next.
Funny, I never considered myself a masochist before.
I wish I could hear what they�re saying. She is laughing at something he just said. It doesn�t look like a genuine laugh though, if that matters. It looks like a sarcastic laugh. Good.
But then, it happens.
Swiftly, he goes and shuts her up by kissing her. And the worse thing is, she is immediately kissing him back. No hesitation, no reservation, just pure... passion.
Somehow, I can�t force my body to move. My feet are literally frozen to the ground. And though my insides burn, I can�t bring myself to look away.
So there you go. Here I am... frickin� Bobby Drake...rooted helplessly to the ground as he witness his girlfriend make out with his best friend. And he never even had a goddamn clue that something was up between them!
How long has this been going on anyway?!? How come I�ve never sensed it before? Why? How?
I thought Rogue and I were happy. I thought she felt the same way. She�s always cheerful and loving with me. The idea that she and John might have ANYTHING never even crossed my mind. Some boyfriend I am, huh?
Then again, I�ve never even sensed it from John. I knew that he had a crush on her when she first came, but I never thought that he�d do anything about it. He never liked being attached to anyone... Huh. I guess I�m not much of a friend either.
Wait a minute! Why am I blaming this on me? If anything, I should feel angry at them...
Okay, good. They�ve stopped kissing. Neither of them makes a move to back away though. �Get your hands off each other!� I want to scream. But I don�t. Instead, I watch them.
Now, what is she doing? She is lighting his zippo. Oh, don�t tell me she�s also secretly a pyromaniac! So much for our open and devoted relationship...
No, wait, she�s using John�s power. She�s manipulating fire and she�s forming ... a mask? What is that...?
Oh.
That�s how they do it.
They�re kissing again, but now through the flame.
We�ve tried that, you know, Rogue and I, but she didn�t like the ice.
Apparently, though, she has no problem with fire.
I feel the bile rising in my throat.
What the hell is she doing with me anyway if she�s seeing John?!? Especially after he abandoned us! What if Magneto sent him? This doesn�t make sense!
I suddenly feel like I don�t know her at all.
Was she just playing with me? But all the moments we had were real! She couldn�t have been faking them, could she?
But she�s definitely not faking it with John right now. He�s just slammed her against the wall and I can see no protest from her. In fact, she is wrapping her legs around his waist and pulling him closer.
This is truly like nothing she and I have ever done before. When she�s with me, she�s really gentle and sweet. Passionate, sometimes, but I never knew she liked it � for lack of a better word � rough...
God, why am I still watching this?
I feel an upsurge of anger at the both of them, but I still can�t tear my eyes off them. I feel mesmerized...
Or maybe it�s shock?
I can�t believe they�re doing this to me. I can understand him. John wasn�t the type to really give a shit about other people anyway.
But Rogue... I didn�t even SUSPECT that she�d go for John. She was always so genuinely happy with me... How long has this been going on? Has she been lusting after John the entire time? Why did she choose to stay with me then?
I feel like such an idiot.
I can�t stand this. I can�t stand them. And I can�t take one more second of this.
I ram my fist against the wall and � without intending to � freeze the wall they�re leaning on.
I see Rogue jolt up immediately as she feels ice forming behind her back. She and John look up in shock. I know they know that I�m here.
But I don�t feel like confronting either of them right now.
Yes, this is me. Nice, perfect, controlled Bobby Drake, who also happens to hate confrontations (look how well that went with my family!). I may feel betrayed, I may feel angry, but I will keep my cool.
So, finally gaining control of my body, I turn around and head back to the manor.
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