It's cold
Hands aching
Rope's too tight
Then...
Splintering wood
Gunshot.
Once....
Twice.
Silence.
Hands
Panic
Your voice
Darkness.
Memories of that night come back unbidden
The rag he stuffed in my face
The drops he put in my eyes blinding me
The sedative he gave me
Tied up on the floor.
Blind and helpless
Palmer's voice voice telling me I was going to die.
Telling me he was going to kill you
I felt so helpless
His rambling seemed to go on for hours
Drifting in and out of consciousness
Then the door splintered apart.
Muffled gunshots.
I knew you'd come.
Then you were there beside me.
Asking me if I was Ok.
I'd never heard a sound sweeter than your voice at that moment But I couldn't answer you.
I couldn't speak.
The sedative took hold again.
You untied me.
Cradling me against your chest.
You took me to the waiting paramedics.
Blackness.
I'll never forget the fear of waking up in hospital blind.
But you were there.
A comforting voice in the darkness.
It was only temporary they told me.
You took me to your place to recover.
I discovered a whole new side of you then.
The Clayton Webb that cared.
You calmed me when I got frustrated by my blindness.
And when the nightmares came.
You held me until they went away.
You took me to the hospital the day the bandages came off.
You were more worried than I was I think
Your eyes were the first thing I saw when the bandages came off. Those hazel eyes.
'Nice to see you James' I had said.
You gave me a smile that made my heart leap.
That's when I knew I loved you.
Tonight's the NATO Ball.
You look downright dangerous in that tux.
James Bond kinda dangerous.
"James Bond Jr."
You try to hide a smile when I call you that.
But I know you like the nickname.
Your eyes tell me that.
We've arrived at the ball.
I give you a smile.
It's nice to be home again.
I missed you.
Missed our friendship.
You offer me your hand.
We walk into the reception hall.
We talk briefly to other 'Company' people.
Handing me a glass of champagne.
Our fingers brush.
My heart skips a beat.
Electricity.
Do you feel it too?
I wish I knew how you felt about me.
You smile back.
Then look away.
Friends approach you.
You introduce them.
Rabb and MacKenzie.
The JAG team.
Rabb smiles at me and I see you tense.
I smile politely back at Rabb.
He's not my type.
Besides...I get the feeling he's taken.
Even if he doesn't know it yet.
I talk to Mac
Middle East policy...
Life in the service...
Y'know...
Girl talk.
Rabb is asking you something.
You have that strange little half smile on your face.
The smile that usual means "I win".
I've seen that one more than once.
I smile at you and wink.
You look surprised.
Like I'd guessed your deepest,darkest secret.
What are you hiding Clay?
The night wears on.
People fill the dance floor.
You ask me to dance.
I could use some air, I say.
You lead me outside to the garden
It's chilly and you offer me your coat.
Who said chivalry is dead?
I decide to do something impulsive.
I tell you to keep the jacket on.
"No use us both being cold" I say.
I stand in front of you.
Wrapping my arms around you.
I wonder what you're thinking.
But you say nothing.
You just wrap your arms around me.
The smell of your cologne surrounds me.
I can feel your heart beating.
Then you let your arms drop.
I tense...waiting.
Waiting for you to say something.
Anything.
Instead you lift my chin.
And you kiss me.
Hesistantly.
Softly.
I kiss you back.
This can't be real.
But it is.
You pull away from me.
I don't want you to go.
You just got here!
I rest my head on your chest.
Your heart thumping fast in my ear.
"Why didn't you do this before" I ask.
"I was afraid." you say.
Your total honesty humbles me.
I kiss you.
My hands find their own way to your neck.
Your arms hold me close to you.
This can't be happening.
All those nights.
Dreaming of this one moment.
I want to tell you I love you.
But what if I scare you off.
What if you don't love me?
Could I handle that?
I've loved you for so long now.
But we're partners and friends
I can't risk losing that.
"I love you "
You whisper to me.
Tears flood my eyes.
You see them.
You have that bewildered look on your face.
I can't help it...I laugh.
"I love you too...I always have"
The confusion in your eyes vanishes.
You understand the tears now.
You chuckle and I hear it rumbling in your chest.
I look at the night sky.
Somehow the moon seems brighter.
Are the starts hanging lower?
No it's just me.
Head in the clouds.
"Can we go somewhere else?" I ask.
"Where?" you say.
"I don't care."
You smile at me, taking my hand.
We walk back inside.
You call for the car.
Lying in your arms, I feel safe.
For the first time in months.
I'll be able to sleep through the night.
I thread my fingers through yours.
"Goodnight Clay" I whisper.
You kiss the top of my head and I can feel you smile.
I think of all the nights I've lain awake.
Over the last 11months.
This was all I thought of.
I smile to myself.
I can't believe how happy I am.
It's all because of you.
You wrap your arms around me a little tighter.
I move closer to you.
'So this is what home feels like.'
I think as I drift off to sleep.
This is what it feels like
When you find out Where You Belong.