Once while having a discussion with the director of a school, I told him I felt uncertain about the reality which I perceived around myself. He vociferously tried to convince me that the relative world (the world I perceived) was not worth-less but had a certain value. To disregard it would mean insanity, he said.
In my life, schizophrenia has entered to a very great extent. The two selves constantly fight with each other. At some points in the day, I laugh at life and question the nature of the self; at others, I can be seen shopping to save a few dollars on an appliance.
A fundamental assertion is that life in the relative world includes the relative self that I perceive myself to be.
So, why is this relative self sceptical about its nature?
Wonderful question, isn't it?
Enter Wittgenstein.
Scepticism about the nature of reality can exist only if I know what reality COULD be.
The mystical standpoint is that the force of true reality extinguishes all scepticism. True reality is when no doubt remains. There is no knowledge, and no doubt. A state of emptiness?
Is scepticism an effect? Or can it be a causeless activity? Consider this question for a moment. And think whether this energy of scepticism can be pure exploration in nature.
Let us see where the fundamental assertion takes us.
If I am as real as the world around me, then my urges are understandable. For they relate to me and the world. Saving a few dollars is understandable because it is at the same level as the perception of my body-mind as me.
You cannot accuse me of saving a few dollars if you would not accuse me of false identification. Accuse me, but make sure the accusation is not superficial. Superficiality is such a waste of time.
But why is there pain at my seeing myself saving a few dollars? Aha! Because I perceive the source of that saving. That I am still bound by my identification with my body-mind. That identification causes pain.
There are levels of selfishness. I think one of the fundamental contributions of J Krishnamurti, and one which does not find emphasis in most religious teachings, is that he considered many facets of desire and selfishness, not just the crude sensate ones. Altruism is selfishness too. It may seem like a paradox, but altruism is pleasure at another level.
Sometimes my life can be seen as an energy facing, and trying to withstand, a blizzard of habitual responses.
Now, is that energy also a habitual response? Do I condemn only certain habits, or do I condemn ALL habits, a condemnation which includes taking a sceptical look at this energy? Yes, I think it is the latter. This energy is not habitual. This statement gives hope, doesn't it?
So, there was this relationship which I ended due to this schizophrenia. I thought bondage in THIS world would hinder me in my quest for the OTHER. Now, that is a confusion!
I don't want a job, nor a marriage, nor a relationship, no possessions which I get used to, no stock options...
I see fear here. Fear of getting trapped. A little un-confident, eh?
The demons are lurking, and the angels are fighting to keep them at bay.
What am I looking for? An elusive Truth, the existence of which is absolutely, unconditionally clear.
So what do I do? "I" belong to "this world". But this feeling in "I", that this is not the complete thing means I cannot immerse myself in this until I find the other shore.
Then I will swim back happily, and not protest against environmental damage in this world. Then I will happily save dollars.