Messay & Harl

2. The Ceremony

We are having 12 pew candle holders around the church each one holds 3 candles. The church lights will dim right before the ceremony. I am coming down to the traditional " Here comes the bride". I can not wait.

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Special Things That Are Included In Our Ceremony

Blending of the Sands

The "Blending of the Sands" ceremony can be a beautiful and meaningful alternative to the " Unity Candle" ceremony. Like a Unity candle, the pouring of two different colored sands together is used to symbolize the joining of the bride and groom or the joining of their families.

This ceremony requires three small vials, one for you and your fiancé to pour the sand into and two for each of you to pour the sand from. Each of the two vials of colored sand symbolizes the separate lives of the bride and groom and their families.

Use two different colored sands which you can find at most arts and crafts stores. Small glass bottles or vials are usually found there as well. A nice touch is to pour the colored sands into a small "heart-shaped" bottle, melt some wax to seal it and hold the sand in place, then seal it with a cork or lid. Next, have your names and your wedding date etched in the glass bottle.

Jumping Of The Broom

The "Jumping the Broom" is a ceremony in which the bride and groom, either at the ceremony or at the reception, signify their entrance into a new life and their creation of a new family by symbolically "sweeping away" their former single lives, former problems and concerns, and jumping over the broom to enter upon a new adventure as wife and husband.

Jumping the broom or in some cases jumping over an imaginary line is an African ritual, or tradition still being practiced in some parts of West Africa. Jumping the broom is not associated with slavery. Enslaved Africans, as an affirmation of their cultural heritage practiced it during slavery in North America.

This "leap" into a new life (marriage as wife and husband is performed in the presence of families and friends. You can be as creative as you want when planning for this special ceremony.

The broom has both symbolic and spiritual importance in the African culture. The ritual itself was created by our ancestors during slavery. Because slaves could not legally marry, they created their own rituals to honor their unions. Some say broom jumping comes from an African tribal marriage ritual of placing sticks on the ground representing the couple's new home.

The straws of the broom represent family; the handle represents the Almighty; the ribbon represents the tie that binds the couple together.

A fully decorated broom can be purchased at ethnic stores, online, or a regular household broom will suffice. If you decide to use your own broom and decorate it yourself, be sure it coordinates with your wedding colors. Using your own broom can also be a great bonding activity for the bridesmaids, perhaps the night, or week before the wedding.

Another idea is to have a basket full of colorful ribbon pieces at the wedding or reception and allow guests to tie ribbons around the broom before the ceremony begins. This allows the audience to participate, which is in keeping with the African tradition of community involvement.

Chose a time before the ceremony when each guest can write their name or initials on a ribbon and tie their ribbon on the wedding broom. When you jump the broom you'll be jumping with the good wishes and prayers of all of your guest. It also allows you to have a wonderful keepsake after your special day, remembering those that were there to witness it.

At the conclusion of the ceremony, after the kiss and presentation of the couple to their guests, one of the attendants produces the broom or a special person from the audience brings the broom and places it in the path of the wedding couple. They then jump over the broom on their way to the recessional.

The broom used in the wedding ceremony has often been a beautifully hand made broom containing objects meaningful to the couple that they then keep as a momento of their wedding day and to grace the newlyweds hearth or hallway.

Couples celebrate this rich cultural heritage, irrespective of race, religion, and nationality. The most important thing is it's significance;

• Honoring and respect of your ancestors, their legacy, and your rich African and African American heritage.
• Coming together of both families, and commitment to each other as wife and husband.
• It represents strength, love, togetherness, loyalty, and respect which is essential for a successful marriage.

This is one of the Readings during the ceremony. My good friend who could not be one of my bridesmaid will read this during the ceremony right before we exchange vows or right after.

The Art of a Good Marriage by Wilferd Arlan Peterson

The little things are the big things. It is never being too old to hold hands. It is remembering to say "I love you" at least once a day. It is never going to sleep angry. It is never taking the other for granted; the courtship should not end with the honeymoon, it should continue through all the years. It is having a mutual sense of values and common objectives. It is standing together facing the world. It is forming a circle of love that gathers in the whole family. It is doing things for each other, not in the attitude of duty or sacrifice, but in the spirit of joy. It is speaking words of appreciation and demonstrating gratitude in thoughtful ways. It is not expecting the husband to wear a halo or the wife to have wings of an angel. It is not looking for perfection in each other. It is cultivating flexibility, patience, understanding and a sense of humor. It is having the capacity to forgive and forget. It is giving each other an atmosphere in which each can grow. It is finding room for the things of the spirit. It is a common search for the good and the beautiful. It is establishing a relationship in which the independence is equal, dependence is mutual and the obligation is reciprocal. It is not only marrying the right partner, it is being the right partner.