Breathe: My Space
Find me wearing my
inside out. Here.
The
Thing That Should Not Be
There was this element extending a sense of
security till Friday last and one moment and all 'high hopes' I had pinned
on this element were razed to the ground.
Sometime this October, me was talking to randy boy (Aman Randhawa, my
classmate) and our discussion came to the other common point (the first being
music), Tata Infotech. And he expressed his insecurity about the joining
considering his branch and tried to convince me that I was kind of 'out of
danger' being from the core branch. But I protested and made it rather too
clear that they won't shunt guys for, one being a public company... such an act
might get them a bad name and two, that they have recruited people from
campuses across the country this year too and we all are in the same boat. The
discussion ended there, both parties happy and unaware of what the future had in
store.
Come December and "Americanized" Ginnu, we at NC. Our adda.
And discussion came to the same thing, lay-offs and stuff. Me, Vineet, Jaggi,
Randy boy and obviously Ginnu to speak for and against it. And we were
discussing the character and humanity shown by the Indian companies
that they as yet haven't refused any people and have been co-operating to the
best of their abilities, an effort, which we all felt, was laudable.
Then come Dec 21, the Insomniac is preparing to compensate for the night at 12
noon and the phone rings. A familiar voice fills his ears - "Oye
TIL ton news aa gayi ?!" That seemed satirical.
"jaggi ? haan partner, what happened? you seem to have got some
news? ... Have they given any date dude???” came the reply...all in one breath.
"Cool it yaar, if I tell you so soon... Suspense hi ki reh gaya?"
And he continued, "I'll skip over the subject of the letter from the
company, that's going to make things too obvious..."
And as he read the words, to my utter disbelief it was withdrawal of
appointment offer.
But somewhere the optimistic me reminded me of Randhawa's words... my being
from the core branch and my resourcefulness for them. Plus I thought that I
deserved the character being shown so far. And how desperately I wanted that my
part of the argument to randy should be scrapped. And also my trip to Vaishno
Devi Shrine off late. It was the sudden revival of the theist in me.
There was so much of it going on inside the vastness of my small brain.
Gathering courage and my shaken optimism, I called up the HR people.
"Can I speak to Mr. Bhatacharya?"
"Speaking"
"Sir I was recruited by your company ... blah blah... And some have
received this letter stating.."
Interrupting me, the fellow hastened "Yea we have refused everyone"
My voice turned pale. "That means 'even' I should expect the
same letter??"
"Yea sooner or later" and the phone was hung. Rudely enough.
Pause. As if hell let loose. Next few minutes were "BAD", to sum up in
one word. There was this haunting appeal in the uncertainty and the fear. Don't
even remember the computer was switched on. But the machine understood the state of mind and tried infusing some postiveness. I think that's what I required in the absence of the family at that moment. Matter of 15 minutes and Mr. Optimist woke up from slumber. It said - "Boy, Why let the fear steer you. Kill The Past
and come back to life. You got to be behind the wheel."
So here's me, back on my feet. The will to survive is enough to drive me
through tomorrow, I guess.
harish A.
- - -
Dated : Dec 26, 2001.
Hah! He laughed
sarcastically on reading an article about yet another round of layoffs at the company
deemed to be the first truly "Indian MNC". His world was now confined
to the four walls of his 'cell' at his 'home'. And as he looked back, he saw
his dreams scattered somewhere in the sands of time. "Sahi tha yaar.
We were so happy." His nostalgia would be incomplete without the
remembrance of the Black Day, the day when he got the 'withdrawal of
appointment' letter and he saw his palace of dreams and plans crumble away as
he read through it. His 'clarity of thought' faded to black. One piece of paper
rendered him unemployed. Since then, his speech has developed those unusual and
unusually long pauses.
"You know, the situation is
bad, but if not anything else trust our name. We would never be that
ruthless" - were the words of the HR Chief a week before the letter was
received. That was Tata Infotech Limited. Other corporates were no different.
And some eight months after completion of degree, can he call himself a
'fresher' anymore?? And another 3 months he would have a fresher "fresher"
by his side reading his inside out. No one probably would have it that bad.
That probably could be his time to enter into the arena of people whose name
made him feel proud as Indian and today he had nothing but disgust for them.
Who to blame? US, bin Laden, Government or the betrayal of idol??? And even the
media never came to the rescue of people of his class. They did beat their
chests out for shunted 'professionals' but what about 'fresh' graduates??? The
figures revealed were of the people on roll, how about the numbers cancelled at
entry level?
And to top
it all, the inhuman ways of refusal. Take the case of 'The' Wipro. The date of
joining to be told in January 2003. And further more, not one was informed
about it by email or snail mail, but they put it on their website. Cost
Cutting! I wonder who would wait till eternity for the date to be told. A
clause in their appointment letter said that the company is liable to pay the
employee a month's salary in case of cancellation of appointment. Are they
planning to eat the money after eating the time of the poor souls?? Be it
Satyam, Infosys, HCL - all have been doing one thing, avoiding the poor
campus recruits. Their mails and calls remain unanswered.
"Study further." "Do MS in US." "Go for
CAT." The oft-repeated suggestions. But things are easier said than done.
How many will be able to grab limited seats in MBA institutes. And how many
will make it to some good universities in the US of A?? And what’s the
guarantee that things will be different when they are done with all this?
That’s pessimism but that’s what the dream merchants have given eventually.
"We don't mind recruiting the entire auditorium, provided you are worth
it." - hailed an Infosys HR employee during the boom time at a campus. The
entire crowd was taken aback by the prowess the company boasted of. The idols
on the shelves were replaced with the pictures of Premjis, Tatas, Narayan
Murthys. And today dust and adorn the new Gods.
"We exist, we know. But have others taken notice of the same??” he
mumbled to himself. Anyone listening?
harish.a
Dated: March 10,2002
Benevolent
Morpheus
"mmmmmaaaaaaaah" - he moaned
as he stretched his arms and finally put them behind the head. The stare obviously
was tired. The clock read four. The alarm rang, time for his Dad to get up and
again he would come and ask the same obvious question - "soye nahin
bete?" And like a complete moron, he would as ever answer -"neend
hi nahin aayi, Pa."
All this while, it was some distant and
largely unknown entity doing rounds of his mind. She was now omnipresent in
everything he said and did. 'Whiskey In The Jar' and no whiskeys and no jars.
It was after days that he switched on Metallica for he found them too unromantic
and depressing. 'Romantic' - how he mocked at the word. So on, it had been the
anger-driven rock bands driving him majorly, except for may be Led Zeppelin,
and that too because their words were dreamy and dreams not so oftenly
repeated. The 'Enrique Iglesias' clan of musicians was only for parties when he
would be just banging his skeleton with absolutely no regard to the music that
played. Party... when was the last that he had? Aha... the one just after
convocation, where he didn't feel a part of the crowd and his sudden mood-swing
made him drink and just drink. "Khud chala jaayega na ghar?"-
Questioned a friend. "What makes you doubt? Pehle nahin dekha mere ko
peeye huya?" The 'conversation' ended thus.
Today was as big as yesterday or bigger may
be, for the stakes could only get higher. But the faith in self seemed
unshaken, more or less. "Targets cannot elude me for long. When my time
comes, I just won't stand on my feet, I will run all over the place." - he
assured himself. There was a definite promise and confidence in his voice, but
the undercurrent of insecurity only he could feel, probably because of the
targets he had set, the promises he made for attainment of things. The sands of
time were depleting fast, and doctors tried to feed him those tranquilizers, so
that he could rust away in peace.
"This has to be taken son, for that
stress has to be done away with.” - said a doctor.
"That’s not stress, that’s genuine concern for career or may be I have
made myself an insomniac over the time." - he confessed.
The unknown beckoned, "This female must
be definitely tired... she has been running through my mind all this
time." And before he could engross himself with dream weaving when
footsteps were heard. That was his dad and he eagerly awaited him to ask the
same old question.
The door was opened steadily and a middle-aged man raised his eyelids, just to
find the lights still on. "Soye nahin bete?" A wide grin
occupied his face, a gazely stare and came the standard reply - "Neend
hi nahin aayi, Pa."
harish.a
Dated: April 2, 2002.