"More real than the law is the heart."
--Tahari Proverb, p.146, Tribesmen of Gor



"No woman," it is said, "knows truly what she is until she has worn the collar."
-Raiders of Gor pg 155



What is it to be kajira on Gor? That is a complex question; this girl believes that for each person the answer is different, unique, individual. So this girl will speak only of her experiences as kajira. This girl's story starts about 12 months ago, when she first came online. She was seeking something special, something different, something hard to put into words. By accident, or design, she found a room with a BDSM theme. She was enthralled at the idea of belonging,of being owned, of being a Master's property, of being at someOne's beck and call... even if was only virtual time, this excited and aroused her. She began her search for a Master, for One who could teach her all that she wished to learn. She began the search for her One true Master, the love of her life, the One who would make her blood sing in her veins.


At first she believed that she was content and happy with the One that she found. He gave her freedom to play as she willed with whoever took her fancy. She was a sub, She was a Domme, she explored all sides of her nature; she was she thought happy. It was one big cyber orgy as far as she was concerned. She found M/many who helped her along the way. And, then one day she met a Master who had been real time for many years and they developed a deep and abiding friendship. With Him she began to talk and explore her nature and the more she learned with Him and the more she explored herself the more discontent and unhappy she became. She began to seek again, though for what she was not sure. She and the One who she called her Master began to experience difficulties because she was so restless and they both began to hurt the other until they seperated.

While this girl sought she encountered someOne. She was drawn to Him inexplicably, inexorably it seems now. He was a bit frightening to this girl, so very intense, so very strong, so very possessive of her body, of her mind and thoughts. Yet she could not seem to forget Him. He was as the Others, she thought, just passing through. But He wanted to KNOW this girl: what she thought, why she thought it, how she spent her time real life, how her day had been, He wanted to share her life. He said you may not realize this sweetgirl but you are Mine, MINE MINE MINE... it became a refrain in this girl's head.. you are MINE. This girl was scared but inside she seemed to quiet. Her soul seemed to recognize Him. And then one day as T/they had begun T/their parting, this girl to run off and play with her friends He spoke these words...."Cum for Me girl, cum for Me now...Cum for Me hard and fast...Cum for your Master" ...and the rush of adrenaline that spead through this girl was incredible. This girl's heart began to pound, her head began to spin, her ears thrummed, and her body clenched, her hands shook until she could barely type...

She did not cum...she grasped hold of the last threads of her freedom and she typed "my god how did you do that??!!" He laughed and said you are slave I am Master... And a girl said: but I did not cum...almost but not quite. He laughed and said: "you will sweetgirl....you will....", and this girl ran, this girl ran hard, she ran fast, and she ran away from this psychotic who wanted to own her body and soul. She ran back to the One who had been easy with her and she was still not happy and she still could not forget the Man who with three lines had nearly bought her soul.

And she missed Him terribly. She missed the total sharing she had found with him, she missed the warm safety He gave her. She missed the strength and tenderness of Him and she missed His sharp wit and stern manner. She longed again and she longed for Him. But a girl thought He was lost to her until one day she made up her mind, walked up to Him and said..."Master I love you; please I dont want anything, I just want You to know that. He said to this girl..."girl, are you sure?" And this girl said yes... He said then come to Gor and I will ko lar you but if you come be sure. She did and she left and she came and she left and she came back because though she did not understand yet this complete possession was what she sought.

On that April Sunday morning a sub died and the kajira silverdawn{KS} was born. It was not an easy birth for she had no knowledge of Gor but she learned and as she learned she grew in confidence. As she expressed her slavery and her love for her Master in each serve she stripped another layer from herself. Oh she fought the rules, she was temperamental, she fought the system, she raged against the unjustness of it all, she did some truly stupid things, and pulled some incredible stunts and she paid the price for them but Master was always fair in His judgement, loving in His punishments, and He always helped a girl understand how things worked.

As time passed and she felt more comfortable she came to know what it felt like to be loved by this Master, to be cherished as His prized possession, and yet she retains her spirit, for He values her opinion and intelligence, and today she lives with this frighteningly intense, possesive, strong, loving, giving, understanding man Whom she calls Master, and she has never been more happy then she is today... but tommorrow is still to come...

~silverdawn~thewhite~1{KS}~ October 5, 1998




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