insane
insane
previous day's entry October 20, 2002 next day's entry
Bobby didn't come home last night.  I slept horribly once again.  I think his snoring drowns out the idiots behind the house that ride their four-wheeler back and forth all night.  Stupid fucks.  At least  Bobby's snoring is comforting.  Those fools are back there right now, riding back and forth.  In the rain.  What idiocy.  I've sat and read, downloaded, and listened to music all day.  I think I'm walking the line between sanity and madness today.  Bobby says I need to go to a counselor, but I enjoy my insane self.  It's a nice break from the tedium of reality.  I think the boredom has hit me again.  I don't know what I'll end up doing, but it should be something big.  I always do this when I get tired of my life.  I try to shake it up, hoping something will change.  It never does.  I guess it's just the gambler in me, risking everything in hope that it'll just get better. I just don't know.  It can't really get worse than it has been.  It can only stay the same. 
  I've been reading a book that is entirely over my head.  And I don't think it's just me.  The book is in my area of expertise, and I don't think anybody I know could understand it any better than I.  That's not simple vanity, either.  A book with the entirety of a Latin occultist's  journal entries and necromantic experiments thrown in just for the hell of it would confuse all but the most learned scholars.  I have picked up a few interesting tidbits in the course of wading through the nonsensical rubbish, but it's hard work.  Maybe I just need to put it aside, because even though I don't believe in all that, it might be attributing to my mood today.  Ah well.
  I'm still in a daze over the scholar's bowl trip.  I know I spent myself entirely over the course of Friday, but I don't regret it.  I'm just worried that my school work will suffer until I get over this.  I've always had a bad habit of just not going after something like this leaves me drained, but I need those points in sociology.  Plus, I have nothing better to do, so I might as well go to school.  I also need to find a job tomorrow, but my total lack of caring couldn't be greater.  Maybe it won't show through.  I plan on going to Colonial Bank, they had an ad in the paper saying that they're hiring.  I'll also go back to K-Mart, to Wal-Mart, and the two Dollar Generals in Jasper, maybe I'll find something that'll work with my schedule.  If all else fails, I'm going to the business office at school Wednesday and getting a job in the library, I hope.   They only give 20 hours a week, but if I can get them to work it out, I'll still be able to work at the bank on Fridays and Saturdays, giving me 32 hours, the equivilent of a full week at the bank.  That'd really help with bill around here.
  I should get offline for a while.  If I had a gun, I'd go out back and sit in the rain a while, taking pot-shots at annoying four-wheelers.  If they continue with this, I'm calling the law.  The won't do anything, but then I can bitch about the worthless Sheriff's department instead of other people.
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