DEFINITIONS
ACCOUNTANT someone who knows the cost of everything and the value of nothing ACTUARY someone who brings a fake bomb on a plane because that decreases the
chances that there will be another bomb on the plane. (Laurence J. Peter) AUDITOR someone who arrives after the battle and stabs all the wounded BANKER a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining and wants
it back the minute it begins to rain. (Mark Twain)
CONSULTANT someone who takes the watch off your wrist and tells you the time DIPLOMAT someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will
look forward to the trip
ECONOMIST an expert who will know tomorrow why the things he predicted
yesterday didn't happen today
EXPERT an individual who spends hir entire life learning more and more about
less and less until finally they know absolutely everything about absolutely
nothing.
LAWYER a person who writes a 10,000 word document and calls it a "brief."
(Franz Kafka)
LECTURER one who talks in someone else's sleep
MATHEMATICIAN is a blind man in a dark room looking for a black cat which
isn't there. (Charles R. Darwin)
PROGRAMMER someone who solves a problem you didn't know you had in a way you
don't understand
PSYCHOLOGIST a man who watches everyone else when a beautiful girl enters
the room
SCHOOLTEACHER a disillusioned woman who used to think she liked children STATISTICIAN someone who is good with numbers, but lacks the personality to
be an accountant
TOPOLOGIST is a man who doesn't know the difference between a coffee cup and
a doughnut