I’m feeling sick.  Sick with worry.  I don’t know how I can leave Josie for three months.  It makes me so sad.  I just didn’t think about it before.  Three months. Three months is almost two years to her.  Will she change and grow up while we’re gone or because we’re gone.  Will she be sad angry depressed.  We have done a lot to help that.  We made a video of us with her for B’s parents to play often.  Music she likes, her toys, her bed, instructions, a shirt from both B and I for our scent.  Please let her be safe and happy while we go onward with our search.  Only three months, only three months.  It’s almost 2 in the morning and we leave in about 16 hours.  We have loved on her as much as possible and plan to do as much as we can tomorrow.  B thought earlier that we should try to wean her away from us, maybe it would be better for us all, but I couldn’t I can’t.  I already miss her so much.  I can’t imagine how it would be if she were my own flesh and blood, but if it’s worse than this I think it would nearly kill me to do this. 

Don’t get me wrong, I’m excited about traveling and meeting new people, learning new things and expanding my understanding of the world.  Walking, listening to my music, watching the people, reading my books by a river in a far away land, eating fresh food from the market daily and meeting people, like-minded or not.  It wraps me in good warm memories.  I loved every scared, lost, blissful, calm, confused, joyful and bewildered moment. 

Maybe it seems silly to those who do not have animals or children, or even to those who do have children, but it’s not.  I love Josie like I have never loved any living thing.  For those who know me, my love of wolves and dogs is not unknown.  I feel closer to non-human animals, especially dogs, than I do to humans.  They’re such amazing creatures, never judging, only laughing with you, crying with you, playful and none of the mind games we humans so enjoy and hate.  And Josie.  Josie like no other I have ever met.  So kind and gentle, playful and cautious, and at times, oh so Buddha-like.  I have made so many wishes for her happiness and safety this past month I can only hope that they make a difference. 

And so here is my second pre-France blog, the next will surely be from Europe.  So, once again, the late night ramblings of a nearly sane person.  This does occasionally happen, I’m sure it happens to those of you afflicted with the same enjoyment of the silence and reflection that comes from the darkness and independence of the late night.

Out of the aching joy and sadness of such an experience, I can only hope to have many more like it.

Live and Love, good night.