Hello to all of my friends and family,

Brian and I are going through a major turning point in our lives, something both of us have looked forward to since before we met.  We are making a long time dream come true.  We both recently put in our two weeks at work and next week we will be moving the remainder of our belongings to Brian’s parents’ basement.  I say remainder, because we sold the majority of our material possessions and kept only what was important, like our bed, pictures, special books and music and all of Josie’s things as well.  To say the least, we are travelling light.  From there we are going to travel around the US in search of our “today.”  We have planned only the places, people and parks we want to see, but not in what order and when…if you are getting this, I hope you like company, don’t worry, we’ll give you a heads up.

Why are we doing this?  Well, I want to be honest, cause not many people really know me and how I feel about many things, mainly because I know my views are different from many people I know and I do not want to create conflict.  But I am tired of being afraid of the people who I know love me, I’m tired of being a fake perfect person.  I guess this is my way of saying to those I love that “this is me and because we love each other, I want you to know me.”  If you even know the bare outlines of my history, it’s not difficult to see a pattern of a person who wants to live a different way than most.  It started when I was young with an awareness of mother earth as a place in danger because of humans.  Humans doing things like cutting down rain forests, polluting the air and water, and spreading to every nook and cranny of the known world.  That gave way to educating myself about the atrocities of factory farms, apartheid, and even missionaries for religion or government.  I went on to get my degree in sociology and anthropology because I wanted to know why people in societies did what they did, how different cultures lived and how they lived in the past and eventually how all of that could help us in the future.  As many of you know, I read a lot.  In high school, one book in particular caught my eye and my mind, Ishmael by Daniel Quinn.  I won’t give you a play by play or try to describe it all, all I can say is that the core of his philosophy is that there is no one right way to live.  

But interestingly enough that is what our culture has been trying to do to the world for many years.  Figure out the one right diet, the one right religion, the one right government, the one right way to dress, and the one right way to love.  We are becoming one homogenized monster creation, which, in situations such as the US, we euphemistically call it the melting pot.  It’s not positive for any culture to make the rest of the world just like it is, through force, through infiltration, through any means at all.  It makes people depressed, confused, lonely and angry.  Their identity, their community of close family and friends through which they depended, and their culture has been taken from them.  Women are not men, blacks are not whites, and cows are not people.  Yes, every living thing should be treated with respect, men are not better than women are, whites are not better than blacks and people are not better than cows.  They are all different and unique beings that contribute to a living, breathing, sustainable life for all on earth, because of their diversity, not in spite of it.  But as it is, we categorize everything into two categories: it’s like us or it isn’t.  If it is like us, it has it’s own purpose in life, and if it isn’t, we treat it as if it’s only purpose is to serve us.  

I’m not telling you this to persuade you to my side, I’m telling you this because all of these things were reasons for changing my way of life.  I’m telling you these things because I want you to know me, even if you don’t agree or understand.  I’m telling you these things because I’m tired of being something I’m not.  And I’m telling you these things because I’m tired of being independent in a species (Homo sapiens) that thrives on dependency.  Dependency of other people, of other species (plant and animal), and the planet that all of them call home.  And it makes me sad that we treat that dependency with such little respect and such great apathy for its loss.  

 If you were at Brian and my Handfasting, you must have noticed the differences in some of the wording, if not most of the little ceremonies within the ceremony.  We started out there at our union, by joining together with our closest family and friends and letting them in on a bit of our beliefs.  Basically, we trust in the wisdom of the earth and respect it and all the beings on it.  We know that all the creatures have come about because they once were or now are an integral part of the working system that keeps us all alive.  And because we believe in evolution, we also believe that humans are not the epitome of creation, just another step along the way, in the creation of life.  And because we believe that we are not the greatest creation on earth, and that we were not created to rule it, it’s not okay for us to contribute to the devastation humans are causing not only to the earth but to themselves by believing the world was made for them.  

I’m sorry if I have offended anyone, but keep in mind every time I have to sit and hear or watch or be a part of something that goes against all of my core beliefs, my common sense, my morals and my integrity, I am not only insulted, but so deeply saddened that I feel sick.  And it’s my turn to speak up and say what is on my mind.  I love listening to people, I’ve done it all my life, I’m very good at it, but there are times in one’s life when you speak up and let people know who you are or you are lost in an abyss of independent loneliness that comes from not being able to depend on the love and support of those around you.

So, I am giving you this, the gift of my real self, disagreeable or not, I hope I still have your support in our venture.  The plan is this: we are searching for community, a lost way of life in this society of locked doors, gigantic countries where you don’t know your “tribe chief” personally, and violence that infiltrates every molecule of this society as we destroy every last known way to trust and depend on one another.  There are small communities being formed out there called intentional communities.  Many of these are trying to be ecologically sustainable and are based on the inter-connection of humans, other animals and the earth.  This is what Brian and I are searching for and this is what we hope to find.  

I hope after all of this I can still count you on my list of friends and on the list of people who want us to visit while we travel on our journey of self discovery.  If you want an example of an earth friendly intentional community, or eco-village, go to www.earthaven.org, it is a community in North Carolina Brian and I have visited recently and hope to see more like it, only better.

We will have my cell phone (248) 709-2133, please call after 8 on weekdays or on the weekend, when there is no charge.  We also purchased a laptop, so we can keep in touch by email still as well.  The reason this all happened as quickly for us as it did (because we planned to do it a year from now) is for two reasons.  One being that Brian’s job became a very bad environment for him to be in.  His boss is a liar and a fellow manager of Brian’s enjoys sabotage a bit too much.  The second being that Gainesville, the poultry capital of the world, is not working out for us and we are both lonely for friends.  And now knowing what you know about us, neither Brian nor I really want another every-day-8-hour-sit-at-a-desk job for either of us.  And then, of coarse, now knowing what you know I have no need to explain the lack of interest in continuing living in the poultry capital of the world.  Being vegetarians and seeing huge trucks of smelly, half-dead, caged chickens go by every day, just isn’t our thing.

Some people I know would describe this as a typical “Nicole-dropping-a-bomb.”  But I never believed in that theory.  The dropping-a-bomb theory is widely known as telling someone something that may be unpleasant just to be unpleasant.  The way I see it is this: there never is a right time to tell someone something that they may see as unpleasant, if they choose to see it as such.  And I mean choose.  People have a choice to take news in any way and react as such.  If the teller of the news does not intend harm, then it is not dropping-a-bomb, it is being honest for honesty’s’ sake and then it is the others choice to respond to that honesty.  Not by blaming the other person, but by reacting to the news which in some cases may be unpleasant to them (and yet may be very happy news to the person giving it).  

Some people might also describe this as rebelling…and in most cases in my life they would be wrong.  But if you look up the definition of rebel, I suppose this time I am.  But I am not living to rebel; I am rebelling to live.  To live a life that I see as a natural right for all creatures, one that is natural, one that is peaceful and one that makes me happy way deep down inside.

And last but not least, some may also say I am running from my problems.  If you know me and you get what I just said above, this is a ridiculous statement to make about me.  To me, this is running head on into real life and I may make some mistakes as I have in the past, but I won’t regret them…because I am where I am and I am who I am today because of it all, and as crazy as it sounds, I like who I am, and I like the journey of finding out more about who I am.

So, there it is, if you have reached this far, congratulations!!  You have won all my love, seriously.  I appreciate being able to finally be honest with people and I hope that when I come to visit you we can have better, deeper discussions about any questions you have for me, because for me, it’s about time I start talking.  But believe me, I’m much better at discussing things in writing at 2 in the morning, so if I’m not as forth coming in person, just give me a nudge and let me know you love and trust me and I will let you know that I love and depend on you for your trust.

See you soon,

Love,

Nicole