I didn't know what was wrong. I just wanted my life to be normal. I wanted peace. I had given my heart to the Lord when I was 10, but the abuse continued.
Although it was never spoken about, I felt condemnation. I went to the altar many times, begging God to forgive me and to help me...but nothing changed. I didn't understand at the time, I was being blamed. Confused and angry I turned away from God. I decided if I was going to hell, I was going my way.
After struggling through two miscarriages, a failed marriage, and many personal struggles, I cried out to God; asking him to show me who He was to me.
One day, I opened my Bible to Isaiah 43:1-4 (LB) I cried as I read the words...Don't be afraid for I have ransomed you. I have called you by name. When you go through deep waters and great trouble, I will be with you. When you go through rivers of difficulty you will not drown! When you walk through the fire of oppression, the flames will not consume you. For I am the Lord your God...Others died that you might live, because you are precious and honored and I love you.
Shortly after that, A friend suggested I go with him to a sexual abuse workshop. When I arrived, I was told there was a praise service in the chapel. Opening the door to the chapel, I saw people raising their hands praising God. I tried to praise him but I couldn't raise my hands.
After the service, I told my friend what was going on. He took me to the altar where several people began ministering to me.
During the prayer, a retired Minister softly spoke words I will never forget. "I see a little girl, who's being badly wounded. Jesus wants her to know, he was there through it all. He wants her to know he was crying with her and that it hurt him very much to see his precious child being hurt. He said he couldn't make choices for man; but He promised to always take care of her."
I had finally found what I was looking for...a realization that God loved me; that there is no condemnation to those who love Him. I repented for my anger towards him and was finally able to praise him.
God showed me who he was to me; giving me the desire to have a personal relationship with Him. I started on my journey to peace. I learned to listen to my Heavenly Father for guidance through the fires and floods of life; learning many lessons.
I finally found peace. He promised He'd take care of all my needs...and he has! He's proven His love for me over and over, for which I am eternally grateful.
I am nothing without the Lord, but I can do all things through Him who strengthens me. The Lord Jesus Christ is my Lord and Saviour. I choose to serve Him in humility for His love, mercy and grace He's shown me...a sinner saved by Grace.
My prayer is that you are blessed by the meditations and poems you read in these pages. All glory goes to my Father in Heaven who is the author of life, and all good and perfect things! My desire is that these pages will glorify God and bring hope and healing to wounded souls.
God bless you! Joy
