Bit of my testimony, it is constantly changing and being added to, as God continue to work in my life!! Just a brief bit about my past, I always went to Sunday school and church as a kid, not really because I wanted to, more because mum made me go. I remember a particular Sunday, when we had our Sunday school anniversary and us kids were presenting things that we had learnt. I stood up the front in my little white dress and Sunday school hate, and with me, 2 other girls sang a song about the love of God. It didn�t really mean much to me then and little did I know how important it was going to be to me in the future. I was a quiet kid (still am), never got into any trouble at school, but was always a target of the school bullies I believe there is always something in someone�s life that impacts them, not always for the best, but for the worst. I guess that something happened to me when I was 12, when a trusted family member abused me. I never told anyone about it for 8 yrs, just kept it to myself, denied it and lived life the best I could under the circumstances. On the outside I was fine, no one could tell the difference, but deep inside, everyday was a constant battle. I wanted answers to my many �why� questions and relief from the pain. I was still going to church at this time, and decided to give this Jesus a go, maybe He could help me. Maybe He could answer my �why� questions and take the pain away. As I prayed and asked Jesus into my life, to be my Lord and saviour and as I started to tell Him my little secret, I felt a relief, like a weight was lifted from my shoulders. No, He didn�t answer my why questions on the spot and He didn�t take away the pain at the click of a finger, but over the past 6 yrs He has. It hasn�t been an easy 6 yrs and I believe things get worse before they get better. And it certainly was the case for me. I would constantly hit lows and even though I had dealt with certain issues, I would always find myself stuck in a deep hole. And quiet often, the more I tried to get out of it, the deeper I would dig myself. I often just wanted to hang my head low and claim defeat in life, it seemed too hard to go on, but there was something stopping me, there always seemed to be something pulling me. At the time I didn�t really know what it was, but now I know that is was Jesus, He was not through with me yet. So, I had to come to a point where I had to consciously make the decision to not allow my past to rule me, but still deal with it. I had to allow myself to be pulled through the storms and still be anchored into Jesus. The Anchor by Ray Bolts...The anchor holds, though the ship is battled, the anchor holds, though the sails are torn, I have fallen on my knees, as I face the raging seas, the anchor holds, in spite of the storms. It was hard and still is sometimes, to be in the middle of despair, yet be full of joy, it takes a lot of effort, your flesh knows that you are down and in a difficult situation, and its hard to hold onto your faith and have that hope that there will be a light at the end of the dark tunnel. A close friend once told me, that I need to find the light in the tunnel, and that is a lesson that I will always remember. That you don�t wait till you get to the end to take a hold of the light, you reach for it in the tunnel, and that is what I did, I took hold of Jesus and He has lead me through ever since. So now, when I face a trial my spirit within just wants to rejoice, it wants to rise above what is happening and live the life that it is made to live. In Galations it actually says that we are called to live in freedom, yet there are so many that aren�t and that saddens me. I want to share with others what Christ has given to me, share with them that they dont have to live in that sort of despire all their life, thinking that that is all there is and they cant get over it. |
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