From: drb@dssvr1.nysif.com (David R. Brandt) Organization: New York State Insurance Fund Subject: Tough choice Headline in 11/17/97 Info World: "More Explorer 4.0 bugs affect images, text, and font files". Hmm. So I can either use Netscape or just avoid any websites that use images, text or fonts. ------ From: Petter_Sandvik@fimug.fi (Petter Sandvik) Organization: Finnish Macintosh User Group (fiMUG ry) Subject: Microsoft and Mac Microsoft ships Internet Explorer 2.0, bringing ease of use, performance and excitement to the Macintosh platform. Microsoft (quoted from MacAddict, September 1996) ------ rec.humor.funny (moderated) #5303 From: reln-rhf@cs.huji.ac.il Subject: The Road Ahead Date: Fri Jan 16 17:30:05 MST 1998 "The obvious mathematical breakthrough would be development of an easy way to factor large prime numbers." -- Bill Gates from "The Road Ahead," p. 265. ------ rec.humor.funny (moderated) #5211 From: laird@cs.byu.edu (Mark J Laird) Subject: Light bulb joke Date: Fri Nov 07 01:20:03 MST 1997 How many Microsoft employees does it take to change a light bulb? Four. One to change it, one to rewire the socket so that Netscape light bulbs won't work in it, one to rewrite Sun's light bulbs into something unrecognizable (and non-functional), and one to convince the justice department that all Microsoft light bulbs are conforming to anti-trust laws. ------ Article 5072 of rec.humor.funny: From: ganz@informix.com (Jonathan Ganz) Subject: What is Windows 95? Date: Sun, 3 Aug 97 19:30:01 EDT Windows 95: n. 32 bit extensions and a graphical shell for a 16 bit patch to an 8 bit operating system originally coded for a 4 bit microprocessor, written by a 2 bit company, that can't stand 1 bit of competition. From a Mac friend... ------ Article 5085 of rec.humor.funny: From: derickson@bwbr.com (David A. Erickson) Subject: Microsoft does it again Date: Mon, 11 Aug 97 19:30:03 EDT I was just looking at the August 1, 1997, Network Computing magazine and found this in the editor's notes for the issue. He was talking about the magazines coverage of Microsoft products and how it elicits passionate responses. This is in regards to Microsoft's next Window's release "Naugahyde" which ships with an office chair at no extra charge. "Also in the works is a small seat, dubbed the Microsoft Stool, to be bundled with laptops. Beta testers were surprised to find the backless chair at their doorsteps. 'Then again, it's not the first time we've received a shrink-wrapped stool sample from Microsoft,' noted one breathless customer." (Fritz Nelson, fnelson@nwc.com) ------ alt.humor.best-of-usenet (moderated) #8171 From: dbowie@mail%.sas.upenn.edu (David Bowie) Subject: Re: WARNING!!!!! Tomagotchi and Airports !!!!! From: Michael Voight Newsgroups: alt.toys.hi-tech, alt.folklore.urban, alt.toys.virtual-pets, alt.religion.kibology, alt.toys.misc, rec.travel.air And speaking of Tomagotchi: Microsoft (MSFT) has announced a 54 million dollar lawsuit against Tomagotchi maker, Bandai. Microsoft is claiming that the Tomagotchi (the Japanese electronic pet that's all the rage with the kids) is an infringment of its intellectual property. Microsoft spokesperson, Erik Loregard stated "Software that needs constant, even hourly attention, or else it dies? Sounds like Windows to me. This is clearly an infringment on our technology". The Bandai company spokesman refused to comment on the suit. ------ alt.humor.best-of-usenet (moderated) #8194 From: mstuckaSPAMBAN@math.luc.edu (Mike Stucka) Subject: Re: UNIX vs NT E-Mail Server From: doosh@best.com (Tom Holub) Newsgroups: comp.infosystems.www.servers.unix wrote: )Does anyone have any good, factual information on tradeoffs between a NT )and UNIX environment when setting up an E-Mail service? An NT server can be run by an idiot, and usually is. ------ alt.humor.best-of-usenet (moderated) #8724 From: Killjoy Date: Mon Nov 24 08:32:01 MST 1997 Subject: Re: PalmPilot vs. Etch-a-sketch... From: pk@imperial-consulting.com (PK Shiu) Newsgroups: comp.sys.palmtops.pilot Hot News from Comdex -- Bill Gates just announced that Microsoft is entering the Etch-a-sketch market with a much more easy to use and powerful version -- Draw98 (tm) will improve upon the out dated Etch-a-sketch user interface by employing a single motor driven rotating knot. During the demostration an audience member pointed out that the user can only move the cursor (which by the way, is animated in the familar Win95 style) in one axis with a single knob. Bill promptly explained that the ability to switch axis using a touch sensitive shift key will be added in Draw99 to be released next year. Just before the demo unit drained the 2 pounds external power pack and seized to function, Bill managed to demostrate the hot-link feature where the pictures drawn can be downloaded into Excel 97 (Not 95) via a propriatary link. The downloaded graphics can then be imported into Outlook and mailed to any Exchange based mail server for final viewing in Internet Explorer. All audience also received a preview released of the Draw99 API SDK on six CD's. Bill told the audience that after mastering the 233 API calls the audience will be able to develop additional software for the Draw98 platform and promised a wealthy career in the up and coming corporate uni-axial rendering device programming market. ------ rec.humor.funny (moderated) #5230 From: prb@Mcs.Net (Paul Botts) Subject: Where Microsoft Really Wants to Take Us There is, at least in the U.S., a new TV ad for Microsoft's Internet Explorer 4.0 package which uses the musical theme of the "Confutatis Maledictis" from Mozart's Requiem. "Where do you want to go today?" is the cheery line on the screen. Meanwhile, the chorus sings "Confutatis maledictis, flammis acribus addictis," which may answer the question for some. It translates as, "The damned and accursed are convicted to flames of hell."