CAPRICORN                                          December 22 - January 19

You are an upholder of tradition and authority.  This is because you lack 
imagination and creativity.  You cannot take honest criticism.  Not even 
from your mother.  Most prison guards are Capricorns.

AQUARIUS                                           January 20 - February 18

You are an amiable person who likes to be popular.  You need to be around 
others because you cannot stand yourself.  When alone, you do weird things 
to your body.  Sex change operations are common among Aquarians.

PISCES                                               February 19 - March 20

You are a kind and gentle person.  Your sensitive nature has given you the 
reputation of being a patsy and a lughead.  Your lack of ambition is 
directly related to your lack of talent.  Pisces make good ushers.

ARIES                                                   March 21 - April 19

You have great energy and are always enthusiastic.  Your vivaciousness is 
nauseating to others.  You concentrate on future success to avoid 
confronting your past and present failures.  You have strange relationships 
with people much younger than yourself.

TAURUS (Bull, color blue & pink)                          April 20 - May 20

You are steadfast, even stubborn, in your ways.  People who know you well 
describe you as a pighead.  You enjoy music but the only thing you can play 
is a radio.  You are a communist.

GEMINI                                                     May 21 - June 20

You are very exuberant and enjoy expressing yourself.  Your friends think 
of you as a busy-body and a bore.  You brag about your versatility but deep 
down you know you can do nothing well.  Most welfare recipients are Geminis.

CANCER                                                    June 21 - July 22

You are a very patient person.  You can fall asleep waiting for things to 
happen.  You have a keen memory and often recite boring, obscure things to 
your few friends.  Cancers are easily influenced and many have actually 
drowned when told to go jump in the lake.

LEO                                                     July 23 - August 22

You are a very proud and trusting person.  Others are constantly taking 
advantage of you.  You do not realize what is happening to you because 
basically you are very stupid.  You are the laughing stock of any group.

VIRGO                                              August 23 - September 22

You are very methodical and like things in order.  on the other hand, your 
personal appearance is usually a mess.  You think of yourself as 
descriminating, while others think of you as cheap and selfish.  You are 
amoral.

LIBRA                                             September 23 - October 22

You are very affectionate and sympathetic towards others.  You enjoy 
sobbing.  You talk a great deal about justice, but no one trusts you.  Most 
Libras are alcoholics and dope fiends.  People look at you with pity.

SCORPIO                                            October 23 - November 21

You are a very domineering and opinionated person.  You do not care who you 
must step on to get to the top.  you laugh during funerals.  Most Scorpios
are shot in the back.

SAGITTARIUS                                       November 22 - December 21

You have a vivid imagination and are always trying new things.  Your 
friends think you are a pervert.  Honesty is so important to you that you 
even admit to doing increadibly dumb things.  Nudists are almost always 
Sagittarians.