"Oh, I don't care if anyone knows, just don't tell anybody."

(when asked by her father if I lived in Illinois) "Yes, in the western halves."

"Not everything yellow is mustard."

(when asked to pour a drink for someone) "In a cup?"

"I don't think they've ever spent the night at our house during the day."

"Elizabeth, either stay in one place or don't!"

"He's not very romantic in a romantic sort of way."

(about a pair of shoes) "They're so comfortable! Well, my toes go numb, but..."

(while seeing the show "Will and Grace" for the first time, sees a couple on the screen) "My guess is that's Will and Grace."
A sister: "Probably."
(as the cameras zoom in on the girl) "I think that one is Grace."

"But what happens if something happens?"

"I want to get in the bathtub. With water in it."

"Is something wrong with the faucet? I turned it on and water came out."

Okay, this one requires a bit of explanation because part of it is in Spanish. The word for Monday is "lunes." We learned this at the very beginning of beginner Spanish. A whole year ago.
So one of the questions we were to read and answer in Spanish was something akin to, "Esta la noche de lunes. Cuando quieres tus amigos hagan o no hagan?" (I'm sure I've gotten the tenses mixed up, but it translates: "It's Monday night. What do you want your friends to do or not do?")
The woman answering it looks at the question, then says, "What do I want them to do?"
"Yes," says the professor.
"Just because there's a moon?"
Apparently she confused "luna" (moon) with "lunes" (Monday). She later confessed that her daughter was taking Spanish at the high school and that day was taking a test on the days of the week. "Maybe I should have gone," she said with a chuckle.

(said by a guy) "For me to be attracted to a girl, she has to have spunk. But she doesn't have to have spunk."

"That reminds me of a song. 'I and I alone am fit to take the universe's throne.'" *bewildered pause* "No, it was 'God and God alone.'"

(about a movie) "It's more comedy than funny."

"I was recommended by an anonymous person I don't know."

"I've said a lot of stupid things in my life, and most of them were said by me."

(somebody commented that they couldn't say something because they were "in church") "So it's okay outside of church? Outside of church it's okay to do anything? Like smoke a beer, or..."

"If this planet were one degree closer to the sun, or one degree further away, this planet would be inhabitable."

"If I missed something, I missed it."

(arguing whether towns are measured by acreage or population) "Towns are usually measured by their size."

(told to help find something) "Sure. Where is it?"

"I'm glad they said that too much."

"These things are so much comfortable."

(playing a game) "All right, all the dogs in their cages, right now! And that includes the cats!"

"Our minds are linked together."
"Yeah, like a three-way triangle!"
"Yeah, a square!"

(trying to figure out what H20 meant) "Is it two parts hydrogen and one part water?"

(seeing "X-Mas in July" written in the chalkboard) "What's 'X-Men in July'?"

"My sister goes clubbing... with her SON!"
"Well, maybe she likes to dance."

"So, yeah, I don't know what we're doing with that yet."
"So...what are we doing with that?"

"I invited him to SNAC and he wouldn't come. I mean, he could but he wouldn't. I mean, he would. But he wouldn't. I mean..."

"This pistachio is sweet... At least it tastes sweet... So, yeah, I guess it is sweet."

(drilling my four-year-old brother on his alphabet) "Here, draw a G on the board and see if he can tell what letter it is." (His answer, needless to say, was "G.")

"You went into our room? Did you wake Mom up?"
"No."
"Did you come back out?"

"Could you plug in the heating pad? I won't turn it on!"

"Those were in my carnal days."
"You mean like caramel corn?"

"It's 9 degrees outside! That's below freezing!"
"Who says so?"
"Uh, the science textbooks?"
"But not everybody is freezing when it's 9 degrees."

"It's not mental, it's just in my head."

"I'll mostly be playing it by myself or with others."

(youth leader a few months pregnant) "I've been taking my pre-natal vitamins."
"What for?"
"Some people say they keep your fingernails strong and your hair shiny."
(other youth leader, joking) "Yeah, and they make your stomach swell up real big too!"
(girl, completely seriously) "Why would you want your stomach to swell up more?"