| No matter how much you think you understand, you don't. No matter how empathetic you are, its not enough. Watching someone else go through it isn't the same, I watched my mother, I know the difference. Don't tell me I'm brave, I'm not. Don't admire me, don't congratulate me, don't idolize me, just don't. I'm not doing anything thousands of other women have done, are doing, will do. Its not as rare as you may think. Don't tell me I'm still beautiful, I'm puffy and bald. You saying it doesn't make it so, I'm not stupid. Don't tell me I'll be alright, maybe I will, but maybe I won't. You don't know. I don't know. No one knows, so don't pretend you do. Don't expect me to sympethize when you say how hard its been on you. I know it has. Its hard on me too. Lamenting because you've known so many people who've died of cancer doesn't phase me. Poor you? Please. Remember who you're talking to. I don't need you telling me I don't need any more drama in my life. Cancer is not a 3 act play. Remission is not intermission. Just stop. You don't have to know everything. I don't want answers from you. Sometimes I just want to cry. Or be angry. Or be alone. Or plan my funeral. Not crying, not raging, not acknowledging doesn't mean its not there. I'm not always positive, I'm not always up, I'm not always confident, I'm not always reassured. But that's okay. Because at some point, I will be. And none of this may even apply to you. |