Summary: During the Revolutionary War, Lillian Atwood makes some life altering decisions that change everything for her lover, her best friend, and herself. Follow her journey through the war as she grows into a woman who faces that decision of her past.

Author’s Notes: I usually don’t like first person, but after attempting this in third, it was clear that first was the only way to put it. I’m still trying to figure out if this is a romance or a historical. It’s not like a romance novel. I don’t write cheese! J

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I opened the doors to the barn, disregarding the squeak they set loose into the quiet night air. I was too far from Mother and too close to my love to care about silly noises. I shut the door behind me, quickly glancing around to see if anyone had seen me. I didn’t have time to be relieved that the coast was clear; I had to see Joseph immediately. He had summoned me with a note passed through the servants, and I knew it had to be important. I could hardly wait.

I went straight up into the hayloft, using a makeshift ladder that was conveniently nearby. My dress would be inexplicably dirty in the morning, but I was filled with too much anticipation to even attempt caring. That could wait until the morning, when I would either be reprimanded or Mother would live in her peaceful world where I had not gone to see Joseph Kealy the night before.

For Mother severely opposed of my seeing Joseph Kealy. I was from the Atwood clan; we were respectable people with more money than any commoner could imagine. Joseph Kealy was the apprentice of John Brown, our overseer. He had no respectable home and no money. Mother was convinced he wasn't nearly good enough for me.

When one is in love, one hardly listens to opposing viewpoints. Even when those opposing are as tough as my mother.

I crawled on my knees to the end of the hayloft where a small, circular window overlooked the fields of tobacco. They were empty of slaves for it was too dark to do any work. As it was in the many other nightly meetings Joseph and I had, he was resting against the wall by the window, chewing on a piece of hay, and waiting for me.

He must have heard my coming, but he made no acknowledgement of my presence until he and I set eyes upon the other. His face lit up, beaming, and a true smile came to his lips. I felt my heart begin to pound, and I quickly crawled the rest of the distance between us.

Joseph pulled the hay from his lower lip, and we mutually wrapped our arms around each other. Our lips met in a familiar fashion, and I closed my eyes to relish in the sweet moment. We had long ago begun sharing kisses. I was still amazed at the magnitude I felt with just the briefest brushing of his lips. Still a bit awkward at the sport, we both pulled away after a few moments. I continued to lay in his arms.

"Thank for coming tonight, Lillian," he whispered into my ear.

I nuzzled his shoulder. " 'Twas my pleasure, and you know it, Joseph," I replied. "Now you must go about explaining what was so important for our meeting tonight."

Joseph nodded accordingly. "I suppose you and your curious nature must be in fits. How long did you have to wait? Six hours?" he teased.

I made a small noise of disapproval.

Joseph chuckled softly. "Yes, my dear, I'll tell you now. It is nothing of extreme importance, but I felt that I should part with you on my own terms instead of in public."

"Part?" I echoed, sitting straight up and looking at him in surprise. "You mean you are leaving? To where? Why have you not mentioned this? For how long?"

"Lillian, calm yourself," Joseph said soothingly. "I am merely going to Yorktown for a few weeks. I will be staying with some of John's cousins."

"Pray your holiday does not keep you from me long," I said. " 'Tis so far away! Whatever are you visiting Yorktown for?"

"To visit John's cousins," Joseph replied smoothly.

I gave him a sharp look that was adapted from Mother. "I am no imbecile, Joseph Kealy, and you'd do better watching yourself if you think me one."

Joseph smiled at me, a reaction which I did not expect. "No, dear Lillian, never could I think you an imbecile." His calloused hand reached up to brush the side of my face. "My answer to your question was as true as can be. I often have longed for a chance to see the city and perhaps to hold discussions with people of different stature than those who live here. As you are aware, not many in town are fond of the subject of politics. They concern themselves with crops and gossip. I would like to have a chance to not be the odd one out. Do you understand?"

I carefully searched his eyes before speaking. In their blue depths I could see that though his question was casual, he was desperate for my approval. I gave him my fondest smile, and a tension in his shoulders that I hadn't noticed released. He relaxed visibly as I spoke. "You should know better than that, Joseph. I understand. I know each longing that resides in your heart." To prove my point, I splayed my hand out across his chest to feel the heavy pounding beneath his thin vest and homespun shirt. "You must remember me, though, when you are having such a grand time in the city. If you forget, you might never come back."

"You are full of silly notions, Lillian," Joseph said, amused. He put one hand on top of my own. "I will return. For in my heart I never will have left you, my Lillian."

I giggled girlishly though I was pleased by his words. "You should give up overseeing and become a poet. Then you can woo the hearts of every girl in the Americas."

"Ah, but you forget that there is only one heart that I enjoy wooing," Joseph murmured, curling his unoccupied hand around my waist and pulling me closer to him. He kissed my lips softly.

"Yes," I whispered, eyes twinkling. "I must never forget your deep fondness for my mother."

Joseph smiled playfully. " 'Tis not something to joke about, Lillian. Your mother is the most terrifying being I've ever met. Often I contemplate whether she is in alliance with the devil himself." He kissed my forehead. "Then I ponder how you, someone so good and pure and beautiful could come from such a woman. I find that not thinking of your mother at all lifts a heavy load from my shoulders."

"I discovered that trick years ago," I bragged teasingly.

"You must be going crazy by now. I have known her but a few years. You have known her for sixteen years altogether, I think it is," Joseph murmured.

"Let us not speak of unpleasant things if you are to leave soon." I kissed him again, lingering for several long moments.

"Yes," Joseph said, "I imagine there are quite a few things that might occupy our time. Much more pleasant things."

I laughed softly and let him kiss me again. I was already sixteen-years-old, but my mother was convinced that I was not yet at a marrying age. In my opinion, she was so against my wanting to marry Joseph Kealy that she would not even suggest my marrying at all. But I would marry Joseph Kealy. Because my heart had already pledged itself to his, and it was with him that I could be happy and forget Mother's overbearing and constant lectures. I had grown up rich, yes, but I knew that I could survive on the meager salary of an overseer. My heart would be content as long as I was with the one I loved.

"What are you thinking of?" Joseph whispered, sensing that my thoughts were not focused entirely on him.

"Of being in love," I whispered back.

Joseph smiled and kissed me again. This time I wiped my mind of all thought.