| Sleeping |
| Sometimes, late at night when no one was awake, Lance would stare at the ceiling and think and remember the way things used to be. He liked the memories but it made him feel more grateful to have Joey lying there by his side, breathing softly as he slept. Lance would stare at Joey�s peaceful smile, the upturned corner of his mouth, the way his hand twitched sometimes� and he would sigh happily, knowing that Joey was there just for him. Thinking was exactly what he was doing again. Back in the day, when he was just Lance, not Lance from �NSync, he would stand at the window of little Jeffy Thompson, the cute boy who lived down the street, and sing him songs. Little Jeffy�s mom didn�t like it at all. Jeffy would blow kisses and Lance would sing louder and then Mrs. Thompson would come outside, brandishing the broom, and Lance would run away with a huge grin on his pretty face. And as he got older, he realized that it wasn�t �right� to like boys if you were a boy, so he pretended to like Vanessa Barton, the head cheerleader. They made a pact, if she didn�t tell anyone Lance liked boys, Lance wouldn�t tell anyone Vanessa liked girls. And so things went until he joined a little singing group called �NSync. Suddenly, he was thrown into an environment where it was okay to be gay. He giggled softly at that thought and Joey murmured a little in his sleep and rolled over. Lance whispered �Shhh� and Joey fell right back to sleep. Lance could hear the soft moans coming from across the walls of the hotel and he knew Chris and JC were at it again. They fucked constantly. Lance rolled his eyes and thought back to the first time he and Joey kissed. That was a memory that never failed to make him smile. It was on a Friday, right after a show in Jacksonville, Florida. The group had just run offstage right after performing �This I Promise You� and Lance was hurriedly trying to switch costumes when he felt a strong yet gentle hand on his shoulder. �Lance�� Joey said slowly. �Yeah?� Lance didn�t know why Joey was just staring at him. �I just want you to know, every time I sing that song, I think only of you.� And Joey turned around and walked away. Lance had been left stunned. What the hell was that supposed to mean? And what the hell was he supposed to do about it? He had always wished Joey could love him back, but thought that Joey only considered him a friend. The show passed quickly, and Lance confronted Joey in the Green Room afterwards. �Joey� what was that all about earlier?� Lance asked tentatively. �Just what I meant. I just thought you should know.� Joey said and stuck out his bottom lip petulantly. �Why? Why now? What suddenly came over you to tell me that?� Lance was insistent. Confusion could do that to a person. Joey sat down on the brown folding chair that was resting up against a wall. �Sometimes, when I see the light shine off of your hair or I see the way a young girl looks at you or I see the look you get on your face during a song� it�s a look of sheer ecstasy and that�s what I feel too� for you.� He got up and stood in front of Lance, who was staring at Joey incredulously. Joey took Lance�s face in his hands and leaned over. Lance tilted his face upward. Joey pressed his cheek against Lance's as he put his arms around the smaller man, drawing him closer. Lance could feel the roughness of Jowys face and sighed blissfully but silently. Joey breathed softly and whispered in his ear, �You would never know how exquisite torture is until you have seen your face asleep in the early morning light. It�s heaven and everything holy in this world and I know I can�t have you and it kills me.� Lance could feel wetness against his face where Joey was crying softly. �Joey� why didn�t you say something? Do you know how long I have loved you?� Joey looked at Lance with painful realization. �Really?� he asked, urgency in his voice. Lance nodded and pressed his lips to Joey�s softly. Joey's soft lips sent an electric wave Lance had never felt before, but he knew there was more to say. He broke the kiss. Joey was breathing jaggedly. �Really.� Lance closed his eyes, remembering the salty sweet taste of Joey�s mouth and his sweat and his body tingled as he remembered the way Joey held him every night for the past eight months. He looked at his sleeping beauty and lightly kissed his forehead. I love you, he thought as he snuggled next to Joey and closed his eyes for sleep. Keep me in your dreams. |
| copyright 2002, all rights reserved a pattykat, incorporated publication |
| back to the stories page |