Strange as it may seem, I can never walk on the narrow path of childhood memories without inevitably remembering that warm, cozy late spring day when I first experienced that peculiar, burning feeling of complete dissolution. Regardless of my raw age, my brain’s cells have well lingered the ancient Catholic cemetery landscape and now, as I am writing, I can visualize it with an almost frightening transparency: the numberless huge, old trees from the orchard, branches swept by the soft blowing wind, the rich, immaculately yellow fields of wheat waiting to burst deep in the background, the fresh washed, spotless spring sky laying its eternity above us and the spaceless, timeless song of the hoopoe wandering through the pure green leaves of the trees.
The calmness and the unreal beauty of the scenery had a great impact on me, although a little child, as I remember stopping and staring at it for a while, despite the unimaginable uproar of my play mates, all older than me and very aware of their age superiority. However, as I was walking down the ancient alleys of the orchard together with my blatant, tireless neighbors -always in the deepest contradiction with the sober stillness of the place-, I anxiously waited to reach the inner core of our playground: the ruins of the long abandoned Catholic cemetery. Once arrived, the entire group increased its hubbub and finally settled upon our favorite game: hide and seek, as the countless trees, graves and ancient walls were offering us as many hiding secret places. Nevertheless, my companions’ dazzling, exuberant joy could not corrupt the intense feeling of loneliness and melancholy that the dark, mystical vicinity of the grave stones and crosses always inspired me…
Due to my natural predisposition to meditation and slowness, I ended up without a place to hide, except for the great, sinister, ruined and far away wall that may have guarded the graveyard’s entrance centuries ago, like a three-headed, gigantic Cerberus. Water, winds, moss, insects, ignorance, all contributed to its degradation, metamorphosing a past architectural pride into dying ruins, and by far the most horrifying place to stay nearby, especially after sunset. Having no other choice, but with my heart bumping as to overpass my breast bone, I crouched behind it, almost touching with my forehead the wet, slippery layer of moss covering the ancient stones. As the spooky wall was eclipsing the glamorous sun, I found myself into complete shadow, all alone, surrounded by an amazing silence, as if all my happy mates and all the singing birds had vanished, letting me all alone with that dreadful wall. I ceased breathing. Nothing. Not even a sound… My heart was beating faster and faster, my fingers were clasping each other harder and harder and my eyelids were squeezing my eyes deeper and deeper… "This cannot be real! I am not here and the monstrous wall does not exist!" I kept repeating in my mind, fervently. But eventually, my tensed, contracted body gave up and despite my huge physical repulsion and mental agony, I had to lean my hand on its thick, drawn in moisture garment of moss… And this simple, involuntary touch gradually, mystically inoculated me a borderless, inconceivable peace with its delicate, refreshing wetness and relaxed all my muscles with its infinite, silk-like softness. I felt as if I were the absolute witness of a timeless mystery, as if hundreds of sun beams were concomitantly flooding into my soul or as if silver, angel-like wings were suddenly bursting from my shoulders… The most intense feeling I have ever felt in my entire life, felt for the very first time!
Naturally, this unique moment was not to last forever, not even too long, and my companions’ sudden arrival innocently destroyed the magical instant of my soul dissolution. Destroyed? No, not at all… Because memories are the only god that cannot be taken away from us, and even now, as I am writing these lines, my spirit trembles with untold joy and my eyes sparkle in hundreds of flash-like lights, knowing that neither life, nor death can separate me from them, from the memories of graves….