Entry for September 05, 2006
This Sunday, my dad woke me up with what is probably the saddest news of my life. My 66 year old grandmother had passed away. I'm not going to go into any details because it really doesn't matter. The only thing that matters is that she has been my role model and my hero since the day I was born. Needless to say, my weekend has been full of tears. Last night, my mom asked me to help her write my grandmother's obituary. As much as I want to help, I couldn't do it. I can't look back on her life, because to me, she will never be gone. I hate funerals. Even more that funerals, I hate obituaries. Especially hers. Not because it wasn't written well, it was written my two of the closest people to her, my mom and my uncle, whom she loved very much. I hate it because no amount of eloquently written words could possibly relfect who she was. The dates and lists of interests and accomplishments that will be read to honor her life cannot reflect the warmth in her smile, the comfort in her hug, or the magic in her laugh, no matter how well it is composed. If I were to write it, I would want to tell the reader that she was one of the most beautiful women on earth, and that everything she touched became beautiful, but I know that this would be pointless. No matter how much time I put into finding the right way to describe this, these words would have no meaning to the readers unless they had walked through her garden and held her hand as she proudly pointed out her brightest roses. These words could not be understood unless their reciever had stood in her house surrounded by all of her favorite colors that had been meticulously chosen to match her favorite painting. Anyone who didn't know her would not be able to understand. If whoever were to hear these words had seen her choose the perfect Christmas ornaments for her tree and then hand them to her little grandchildren, maybe these words would not be lost on them. Maybe they would be able to remember the way her face shone amongst the twinkling tree lights even after all of her sparkling ornaments ended up decorating only the lower most limbs. Beautifully. This is how I will always remember my grandmother. The little documented things that can be written down on paper are only facts. These facts show only a very small portion of what made her so beautiful as a person. The largest parts cannot be shown on paper, and I refuse to talk about those parts of her as if they are in the past, because her true beauty will show forever. Her true beauty is in the many gifts she has given to the people she loved. I will never forget all of the things she has taught me, or all of the fun we have had together, because they will always be a part of who I am.
