Hello my idiot bloggy.
l dont know why l turn to my face to you again, maybe l am to alone, maybe there is no1 than you can listen me, maybe l lost all my hopes... Maybe... Who knows..
Falling in love is a matter all l cared about it, All l cared about and waited it to come and find me too one day in my life be4 l die... Falling in love when you look into her eyes, you loos all your power as personality and getting lost inside her eyes... very strange toughts l never felt be4...
About more than 1 year and 10 days ago, we met on yahoo pool rooms, if l remember ( l dont remember she let me remember last time , it was "wildhorse" or something liek that - which means we were all horny ? , l dont know, l dont remember. ). and we are together about 1 year and 10 days. Now if you ask me its finished. l realised she doesnt faith me like l am a shit in this world.
l cant stand this fever anymore, this suffer make me finish, l have have to share it here. l am sorry my personality to share it with all peoples... :((( its 11.30 am and l never slept all night.
it started very good, like always l ws loking for a sweet honest some brave gal who may able to love in in this world. she did, came to my life and said me she liked me. l effected me with her brave toughts and her good words to me, honestly l wasnt ready to fall in love or in a relationship cos of my economical stiuations, but you cant arrange it. l falled in love badly to her. omg l dont hessitate to explain it here, l badly fall in love to her and l never feel shy to explain it, love was everything for me. Was , cos its finished in my brain now, and l am still fighting to finish it in my heart too...
well l am from turkey and she s from france, which means impossible relationships comes through over net and suffers more than it might in real life. Ours was the same, l promissed her after some months that l will come france and meet with her, months passed very quickly, l was going to the course and she was in high school. Time has came for appliging visa and applied for visa, firstly they said me l have to complate my army obligation. l was supposed to get this kinds of answers from my friends but l wanted to approve it. They didnt giwe me visa, :( As normally she became crazy, very sad and hopeless that she started thinking l am a cheater, looser, everything might say for a person who couldnt do his promiss, it was okey for me, l never minded. She was all right... Nobody knows l am than myself, l was a new adult who is still paying its course monthly fees which is very high and tring to get stand on his own feets. Life past quickly, we continued relationship till now, maybe we shouldnt , but we are not brave to break it when we were burning cos of fever ( which l was thinking, after some times l understood she didnt like me :( . ) , and l was ready to do bad things if she leave me, l even tried one time :(. Really bad times passed over the relationship, but we standed, she was to strong to stand me and we did. Now, about 1 month l applied for army obligation, they refused me for 1 year cos l have hemophily ( problem on blood ) and l got chance to go out during 1 year, l got the paper, soo l dont have any more :(, really nothing even lots of debits and credit card debts..... l asked 6 more months from her, and she said its okey. My brain is zoomed now , l realy dont remmember anything.. even l dont remember why we fought last night, maybe l am too much sleepy.. hmm l got remebered. the invitation. We were planning to apply for visa after l finished my debits and ready to go france, but in my inside l was knew they wont giwe me visa cos l dont have the requirements, if you want to apply for a visa, firsrly you ave to get worked in a job nonstop at least 4-5 months and some money and insureance and other things.. l knews l havent had these rqirements and one of my friend said me ask her to invite you to france when u feel ready to go france. l explained to her this idea, at the beginning she didnt say no. Any l got used this idea, l was thinnking She will invite me and lw ill go france when l finish my debits... Yesterday she chocked me. She Said Dont trust be about this invitation. l said Wow. The girl was fall in love said me l am not ganna invite you. So inmy mind it was a proof of everything has finished. Am l right ?