(Heather Alexander; based on the fantasy book Songsmith by Andre Norton & Ann Crispin)
[chorus]
Oh she was fine that sweet bonny lass
Like a fair ship on the sea
But now I regret the day we first met
For, oh, how that maid plundered me!
I came from the sea and I went to an inn
For food, drink, a bath and a bed
The chambermaid showed me the way to my room
And I thought I would try her instead
I asked if she’s tumble with me in the sheets
“Oh no, sir!” the maid did exclaim,
“I’m guarding my treasure for my wedding day.
Pray sir, do not bring me to shame.”
“Oh no,” I beguiled, “I tried but a test
To see if you truly were pure
I thought you an angel when I saw your face
And I only just wished to be sure
“I gladly would wed you, most beautiful maid,
My love surely now no one could blame
Accept this gold pin as a trust of my pledge
And by the way, what is your name?”
“My name it is Ann and I work as I can
For I have no large fortune,” she said
“And gladly I’d have such a sweetheart as you,
For I am most eager to wed”
“Now since we are courting,” I merrily tried
“Come in and sit down on my knee.”
“I can’t sir,” she said, “I must go heat your bath,
For the landlady charged that of me.”
[chorus]
So I went to the bathhouse and I stripped to my skin
And I waited for Ann without fail
The door opened wide, but ‘twas not her at all
‘Twas the landlady holding a pail
She doused me, she dunked me she scrubbed with a will
And the water was wonderfully warm
But a cat-of-nine tails takes less skin than a brush
In that landlady’s muscular arm
When I had recovered I put on my clothes
I went to find Ann on the stair
I gave her a kiss and a fine silver ring
And bid her to my chamber repair
For the bed needed warming, the sheets being chill
“I'll mend that,” she swore sure and bold
But when I reached my room she was not here at all
‘Twas the groom with a handful of coals
[chorus]
I tossed and turned there for most of the night
And planned how to catch her alone
At breakfast I gave her a necklet of gold
And I said in a sorrowing tone,
“I must sail out at noon with my clothes all unwashed
For this is not laundering day”
She smiled and she swore she would wash them herself
So I kissed her and hurried away
I ran to the washhouse to hide me therein
But no hiding place there I could see
Save a tall wooden tub so I swiftly climbed in
And pulled a soiled sheet over me
I heard her come in and then hoist up a load
Next moment how loud did I scream
For she poured a great pot of hot water on me
And I was near boiled in the steam
I jumped from the tub and I ran for the door
Still wrapped in that wet steaming sheet
I caused a sensation – they thought me a ghost –
As I ran halfway down the street
I threw off the sheet and I hid in a barrel
Until all the noise had passed by
And when I stole back to my room there I found
All my clothes on a chair, clean and dry
[chorus]
I sailed out at noon quite sore, but quite clean,
Still plotting that maid to betray
And many a plan I conceived and considered
In wiling that voyage away
So when the ship docked I went back to that inn
And I asked about Ann straight away
But the landlady said, “You’ve just missed the wedding,
For Annie was married, today.”
I stood there a-gapping she told me the tale saying,
“Yes, Annie is wedded at last
She’s long loved the baker, but they could not marry
Until she’d her dowry made fast
“His father insisted upon a high sum
That she finally managed to bring
‘Twas all her saved wages, plus three jewels fine –
A necklet, a pin, and a ring”
[chorus]