traditional
As I got home on Monday night as drunk as drunk could be
I saw a horse outside the door where my old horse should be
So, I called me wife and I said to her: Will you kindly tell to me
Who owns the horse outside the door where my old horse should be?
Ah, you're drunk, you're drunk you silly old fool,
So drunk you can not see
That's a lovely sow that me mother sent to me
Well, it's many a day I've traveled a hundred miles or more
But a saddle on a sow sure I never saw before
And as I went home on Tuesday night as drunk as drunk could be
I saw a coat behind the door where my old coat should be
So, I called me wife and I said to her: Will you kindly tell to me
Who owns the coat behind the door where my old coat should be
Ah, you're drunk, you're drunk you silly old fool,
So drunk you can not see
That's a woolen blanket that me mother sent to me
Well, it's many a day I've traveled a hundred miles or more
But buttons in a blanket sure I never saw before
And as I went home on Wednesday night as drunk as drunk could be
I saw a pipe up on the chair where my old pipe should be
So, I called me wife and I said to her: Will you kindly tell to me
Who owns the pipe up on the chair where my old pipe should be
Ah, you're drunk, you're drunk you silly old fool,
So drunk you can not see
That's a lovely tin whistle that me mother sent to me
Well, it's many a day I've traveled a hundred miles or more
But tobacco in a tin whistle sure I never saw before
And as I went home on Thursday night as drunk as drunk could be
I saw two boots beneath the bed where my old boots should be
So, I called me wife and I said to her: Will you kindly tell to me
Who owns the boots beneath the bed where my old boots should be
Ah, you're drunk, you're drunk you silly old fool,
So drunk you can not see
They're just two lovely chamber pots that me mother sent to me
Well, it's many a day I've traveled a hundred miles or more
But laces in chamber pots I never saw before
And as I went home on Friday night as drunk as drunk could be
I saw a head upon the bed where my old head should be
So, I called me wife and I said to her: Will you kindly tell to me
Who owns the head upon the bed where my old head should be
Ah, you're drunk, you're drunk you silly old fool,
So drunk you can not see
That's a lovely baby that me mother sent to me
Well, it's many a day I've traveled a hundred miles or more
But whiskers on a baby sure I never saw before
And as I went home on Saturday night as drunk as drunk could be
I saw two hands upon her breasts where my old hands should be
So, I called me wife and I said to her: Will you kindly tell to me
Who owns the hands upon your breasts where my old hands should be
Ah, you're drunk, you're drunk you silly old fool,
So drunk you can not see
That's a lovely night gown that me mother sent to me
Well, it's many a day I've traveled a hundred miles or more
But fingers on a night gown sure I never saw before
As I went home on Sunday night as drunk as drunk could be
I lad sneaking out the back, a quarter after three.
So, I called me wife and I said to her: Will you kindly tell to me
Who was the lad sneaking out the back a quarter after three?
Ah, you're drunk, you're drunk you silly old fool,
So drunk you can not see
That was just the tax man that the Queen she sent to me.
Well, it's many a day I've traveled a hundred miles or more
But an Englishman who can last till three I've never seen before