ch 8 - No Amount of Sorrow
Disclaimer: I don't own GW or anything that has to do with it. Please don't sue me!!!
A.N. - Whoops, sorry guys... I didn't mean to take to so long in writing the conclusion to this. I had MAJOR writer's block and all I kept spewing out was mindless trash. Anyhow, I think I am cured therefore I will finish this before I forget what I would write. Please review. I love the positive feedback I'm getting. Thanks to everyone who's supported me thus far.
Last chapter: Relena keeps vigil by Heero's bedside and one night he begins to show signs of consciousness. He squeezes her hand, saying that he loves her and that he didn't want Sally to examine him just yet. What will happen next? Read on.
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Relena looked up from her position. It was morning now and she surmised that she must have fallen asleep after holding his hand. The December sunlight shone through the hospital windows, casting small rainbows along the wall from the suncatcher that Duo brought in. Relieved, she was almost scared to let go of his hand. She kept thinking 'what if he stops responding? Should I have told someone?'
Forgetting rational thought, she stood up, still clutching his hand. Leaning over him, she bent to whisper in his ear.
"Heero, please don't leave me. I love you, hang in there," she said just as Sally walked in.
"Good morning Relena. I see you look well rested. Finally slept?" Sally asked, face full of concern.
Relena nodded happily, almost blurting out that Heero was conscious. It still struck her as odd that he wouldn't want their closest friends to know he was fine. He must have had a motive for it and she wasn't sure.
Sally smiled warmly at Relena.
"I'm glad. You looked like you needed rest. I came in to check Heero last night, but I saw you two together and decided not to wake you. So, if it's okay, I'd like to check his vitals," she said.
Relena nodded and smiled, "be my guest."
Sally checked his pulse, and opened his eyelids to check his pupils. Looking at the heart monitor, she saw the steady beat of his heart and changed his intravenous bag before writing the information on the charts.
"Please come to the cafeteria and have breakfast. You look so thin Relena. I think all you need is a good breakfast. He'll be fine," Sally asked.
Unsure, Relena bit her lower lip, weighing her consequences.
"But what if he..." she began to ask when Sally squeezed her arm reassuringly.
"You need not worry. I checked his vitals, he will be fine. Please come with me, I don't want you to waste away," Sally pleaded.
Giving in, Relena reluctantly let go of Heero's hand and followed Sally, turning her head to check Heero before leaving.
Meanwhile...
Heero's arm twitched. His heart monitor detected no real movements, but it was apparent that he was coming to as he began to stir. Thoughts and memories flooded back to him in a giant rush. Overwhelmed, his heart began to race as the heart monitor finally took notice and beeped wildy, and he broke out in a cold sweat. Grasping the sheets, he squeezed his eyes shut, willing the awful pictures to fade away.
flashback :::
"I was right about her. I knew there was something she wasn't telling me. She hasn't even touched her work. I should have seen it coming," he said, loading his gun and checking his bags
Heero left the house, knowing that Relena would have another meeting that very day, even though he had to leave for battle. It all didn't matter to him anymore. What could have been worse than seeing your best friend make it with your girlfriend? He couldn't imagine anything worse.
End flashback :::
Eyes shot open as he let out a hoarse cry. Nurses outside his room ran in, all amazed he came out of his coma. They tried to calm him, and finally one nurse lightly sedated him with a needle. His eyelids became heavy as the nurses began to bound his wrists and ankles so he could not harm anyone or get out of bed. They however would find out later that they underestimated his strength.
One nurse ran back out to her station and paged Sally.
"Doctor Sally Po, please report to the ICU, your patient is waiting. Repeat, this is a request for Doctor Sally Po, would you please report to the ICU, thank you," she managed to say in a calm voice.
Hilde shot up out of her seat scanning the room for any sign of Sally or Relena, but the two women had not been seen since they left for the cafeteria. Grabbing a hold of Duo's braid, she pulled him out of his seat while Catherine, Trowa, Quatre and Wufei followed.
Heart beating wildly, Relena wished the elevator would move faster. Eyes wide open, she prayed he was okay and kept telling herself that it was probably one of Sally's other patients.
The door opened and the two women burst through, running full speed to Heero's room.
'Oh God, please let him be alive. Don't let him leave me,' she thought as Sally rushed in the room, surrounded by another doctor and several nurses.
She couldn't see Heero at all from the moving bodies and a nurse drew the curtain around them, blocking Relena's view. She sat down, head in her hands, crying. Something was wrong.
Duo looked around from his seat and saw Sally and Relena come out of the elevator. Seeing her crying made part of him so badly wanted to run to her and kiss away the tears, but Hilde was clutching on to his hand and he couldn't break it to her now. What was even worse was that she couldn't see what was going on in the room and Duo's heart broke seeing her in so much pain. Trowa and Quatre went to the nurse's station asking for a report on the problem.
Their hushed voices and concerned faces were enough for Duo. He too rushed forwards, but Hilde held him back.
"Babe, let me go. I want to know what's wrong," he gritted.
She refused.
"No, let them find out. I don't want you to demand to know answers. I know how you can get when you want to know something. Just wait it-" she was cut off by him.
"Look, I don't fucking care if you don't want me to go or not. I have to find out for myself. Heero's my best friend. And you don't know all that much about me. Don't think of yourself as high and mighty over me. You've still got a lot to learn," he blurted angrily.
She was taken aghast by his tone.
"Duo, I'm sorry. I didn't kno-" she began to say, fear flooding her face. Dropping his hand, she turned and ran from him.
His eyes widened.
"Wait, come back. I didn't mean that. I'm sorry Hilde. Come back!" he yelled after her. He was too late, the elevator doors had already closed. Frustrated, he punched a wall and walked up to the nurse's station.
"...he's come out of his coma but he keeps yelling about something. We don't know yet but one of nurses had to mildly sedate him before he hurt someone. It's not likely you see a person come out of a coma this way. I think he was conscious much before he woke up," the nurse said as Trowa and Quatre both thanked her.
"Someone has to tell Relena," Trowa said.
Quatre opened his mouth to speak but Duo beat him to it.
"I'll tell her," he said.
"No, you won't. She doesn't need you to tell her," Quatre said.
"What the hell is your problem? Since when can you guys tell me what I can and can't do?" Duo demanded.
Quatre looked at him, no sign of fear in his eyes.
"I know what went on. Leave. She doesn't need you here. She has us and Heero, she doesn't want you here. Go home Duo. And maybe you should apologize to Hilde and tell her the truth-" Quatre almost finished
"Fuck all of you. I don't know what the hell you're talking about. Why wouldn't Relena want me here? I'm her friend, so get off that damn horse of yours and think about what you're saying," Duo bit back.
"Don't lie Duo. We all know what was going on. The only person who didn't know was Hilde , but we didn't tell her because we wanted you to explain it. It wasn't our place to tell her news that she should hear from you. We all wondered why Relena didn't want to be near you, but we see it now," the Arabian said.
"We see that Relena made a mistake and you're to blame. Leave her be and go home. Explain it to your girlfriend, then come back and see if you can face us," Trowa finished.
Duo looked at them, astonished. These were his friends, openly telling him that they knew he lied. Duo Maxwell never lied, until now.
"How, how did you know?" Duo demanded, voice rising.
"Relena told us. She was so distressed yesterday and she told me because she thought she would burst. She felt so ashamed, just leave," he said.
"That's a lie! She's not in her right mind! She must have dreamt it or something," Duo insisted, his words all shaky.
"Now why would she come up with something like that. I can't believe that of all the times, you'd lie to us now. Go home," Quatre said, voice edgy and spiteful.
Duo turned and walked away, anger still surging through his veins.
Relena stopped crying. She overheard Quatre's and Duo conversation. Getting up, she walked to him.
"Thank you for trying to stick up for me, but it's okay. I'll face him when I'm ready, I don't need to be protected," she said.
Quatre embraced her.
"I know. We just don't want any more commotion, we should take all this stuff one step at a time" he said, still holding her.
She nodded against his chest.
"Come on, I'm going to sen you home. Shower, eat and come back. Heero will be awake by then," Quatre said, turning to push her gently towards the elevator.
"No, I don't want to go home. I want to be-" she was cut off when Trowa pushed her towards the elevator doors.
"I'll take her home. Stay here and let us know if anything happens okay?" Trowa said as he and Relena left. She would have fought back, but found no strength. She did need a shower and something to eat. Leaning against Trowa, she let her eyes slip shut and felt herself being carried outside to the car. She slept on the way home and woke up two hours later to the smell of cooking.
Getting up, she sleepily walked to the kitchen where Trowa stood, preparing dinner.
"Are you feeling a little better?" he asked.
"Yeah, that smells really good. What are you making?" she asked.
"Beef stew. You eat meat right?"
"Yeah. I can't wait, it smells so good," she said.
He smiled slightly.
"Go and take your shower. I need at least another half hour okay?"
She nodded and left the room. Grabbing a towel from the linen closet, she walked to her bathroom and got into the shower, letting the hot water wash away dried tears and soothe her muscles.
Finally finished, she went to her dresser to get a clean pair of flannel pajamas to wear comfortably. Her eyes settled on a piece of paper sitting atop the dresser.
"I thought I threw this away," she said, her voice wavering.
Picking it up, she examined the front, noticing Heero's writing. She had hoped so hard that the letter was disposed of, but how could it still be here?
Her mind flashed back to the night she discovered it. She remembered tears and how much it hurt, but everything from then on was a blur. She went through each day, painfully, not noticing how many stares she got from concerning friends, how her brother constantly visited her to see if she was alright. Then she remembered that after reading it, she threw it atop her dresser, crying away her pain.
Tears came to her as she reminisced. She knew that Heero poured his heart and soul into loving her and in return, she backstabbed him and slept with Duo. Clutching the letter, she stumbled into the kitchen where Trowa had just finished setting the table.
"What's wrong? Are you okay?" he asked as he came up to her.
Looking into his eyes, she gave him the letter asking him to read it.
Scanning it quickly, Trowa understood. Heero had broken up with her by letter. He wanted her to be happy with Duo, but he didn't understand why she hadn't told them before. He had found out earlier about her affair with Duo, but he certainly didn't know that Heero left her like this for so long.
"I can't believe it..." he said softly.
Taking her into his arms, he let her cry softly against his chest.
Meanwhile:::
Quatre paced around and finally Sally came out of Heero's room.
"What happened?" he asked.
"Heero had been conscious for much longer than we expected. Almost a whole day and nobody knew. He's not mentally stable, he kept saying that he would kill Duo before he passed out from exhaustion and the drugs," Sally explained.
"Oh no. But wait, Relena was with him most of the time. Surely she would have known," he said.
Sally looked at him and shrugged.
"If he was conscious, she must not have known or he wouldn't let her know. Only she can tell us what happened. Where is she?" Sally asked.
"I sent her home to shower and eat. Trowa took her and they should be back soon," he explained.
Nodding, she left him to attend to other matters.
The elevator doors chimed and Duo walked through them.
"Where's Relena? I need to talk to her," he asked.
"I sent her home. Don't bother following her. She's coming back here. I think you should leave before she arrives. I don't think she would want to see you," Quatre said before turning away.
Everyone was turning their back on Duo.
Standing there, he heard the clock ticking and an hour soon turned into four, where nobody showed up. Even Quatre had gone home, but asked Sally to call him immediately if anything were to go wrong.
Sitting in a chair, Duo felt his eyelids slip and he was soon asleep.
Hours passed and soon it was morning. Relena and Trowa had come, accompanied by Quatre and Catherine, but Duo still slept.
Heero was still asleep, but he knew that people were outside his room. Not ordinary people, but his friends. He lay there, listening to hushed whispers and somewhere he thought he heard Relena's voice asking a nurse if she had permission to see him.
The nurse nodded, knowing that Quatre requested everyone access except Duo.
Relena thanked the lady and grasped Quatre's hand before walking in.
She opened the curtains and light streamed in once more, not appearing to be mid December. The suncatcher was still there, and rainbows began to dance about the room. Turning, she saw Heero staring at her.
"Oh my... you're awake!" she said as she ran to him.
Hugging him, she let her tears flow again and kept silently thanking the heavens for letting him live.
"Yeah, I'm alive. Why are you so, happy?" he asked, voice devoid of emotions.
She took a step back and let him go.
"Oh you're so silly. Of course I'm happy! I prayed and prayed that you would be okay. I'm so glad you are," she said.
Nodding, he turned onto his back.
"What? What's wrong? Are you too tired?" she asked, voice full of concern.
"No, I just figured that you didn't care all that much anymore. So, how are you and Duo doing?" he asked.
"What? We're fine, but we're not anything, if you were implying-" she said.
"I was," he answered.
"Oh. Would you like something to eat?"she asked, changing the subject.
He shook his head.
"No amount of sorrow in the world could add up to what you have caused me," Heero said softly.
Relena almost didn't catch that.
"I'm sorry, I..." she couldn't think of anything to say.
"No, you're not sorry because we wouldn't be in this mess in the first place," he bit back, hurt.
"I-I..." she stammered.
"I what? I fucked around and backstabbed my boyfriend? That's what you should be saying," he said, angrily.
She backed out of the room and ran. Trowa caught up to her and held her back.
"What's wrong?" he asked.
She couldn't speak, she was too hurt.
Duo woke up to hear commotion around him.
"What? Catherine, what's happening?" he asked.
"Heero's awake and Relena went to talk to him but she ran away crying. Don't go after her, Trowa's already there," she said.
"Why are you guys shielding her from me? God, this isn't your problem," he said.
"We aren't shielding her. She just doesn't need you around, that's all," she said before getting up.
Duo sat there, still angry. He would have to talk to Heero. It was now or never. Getting up, he peered into the room and found Heero facing the wall.
"Heero? I, how are you?" Duo asked, nervous.
Heero slowly turned over to face Duo.
Sitting up in bed, he moved to get out.
"Of all the people in this world, I would have never imagined you would visit me. What changed your mind? The fact that you and Relena are no more, or do you feel guilty?" Heero said harshly.
"Hey, just calm down buddy-" Duo said.
"I am calm. I just don't know why you're here,"
"Look, I came to see if you were okay. I had to know that for myself. I'm sorry you can't even look at me right now, but I still consider you a friend and-"
"How can you even say that? How can you still call a man your friend after you sleep with his girlfriend, not on one occasion, but several? I consider you the lowest of low, the bottom of the barrel. So don't come in here and tell me that you still think we're friends, because we're not," Heero bit back, suddenly very angry.
All the time he had been unconscious, his anger for Duo rose, and in the beginning when he found out, he would have let Relena go, but he had no idea that the love he felt for her was deeper than he thought.
"I understand you're mad and there is absolutely no excuse for what pain I had caused you, but I thought we could work through this. We're grown adults," Duo said.
"You are not a grown adult. You act and think like a child, so don't assume we can work through this," Heero stressed.
"If you ask me, I'd say you're acting like the child. I didn't think that you would be so bull-headed over this-" Duo began to say.
"I didn't ask you, and if I'm bull-headed, then you're thick-headed. I am not acting like a child because you and Relena put me in a situation that cannot be resolved. I may still love her, and I may forgive her, but I do not, and will not count on us being friends, ever. Do you understand that?" Heero asked harshly.
"Yes, yes I do. I wish that we could have been okay with each other," Duo said softly.
"Yeah, well wish all you want, but wishing won't get you anything but a headache," Heero said as Duo turned to leave.
"You're not the Heero I used to know," Duo said, not looking back once.
Heero sat back down and crossed his arms over his chest. Looking out the window, he saw the sun rays beat down on the bare trees and the wind blow stray leaves.
"Of course I'm not the Heero you used to know," he said softly as he shut his eyes.
A.N. - Oh man... I have learned a very valuable lesson: don't write fics, stop for a long time, and try to continue them, because you are bound to forget even the smallest things that will SCREW YOU OVER! But, I hope to GOD that I have worked the kinks out, and please please please let this fic end well...
Longer Note : Changes Made
- chapter four is changed to fit 8. so,, that means Duo hasn't told Hilde anything and I know it's a big inconvienience to change the story even then, but it made the newer chapters better.
-chapter 8 revised! Heero is a little bbit better IC and he is still mad at Duo, as you can see
-Relena finds that her memory betrays hher and that she finds the letter again, this time showing it to Trowa
-Yes, I know Quatre is acting like a puushover, but he usually has next-to-nothing parts in my other 1xR fics
-Trowa is acting like an @$$??? Hmm... I guess he could.
-I don't know... is there anything elsee wrong??? I'm so out of it, this headcold is getting worse and worse...WAHH