Your memory is never too good. You never remember anything in superb detail�the colour of clothes, exact wording of a statement etc. can be all wrong. Even eye witnesses to crimes, witnessing very intense and exact things are notoriously wrong. You are not actually storing a memory but instead a chemical that your brain associates with an event.
You can�t remember more than one memory at a time. This is a specific chemical process. Sometimes you can fire off multiple memories at different times, but concentrating on two separate events that happened in your life at the exact same moment has never been possible for me. This is because you are locating a chemical sequence and it causes a domino effect of memory in your head leading you to remember stuff.
You can create memories that were never there. That never existed.
So you can never remember things exactly, is the point. This poses a number of problem for me. First, how does one then go about remembering anything. Trusting your memory at all. This wouldn�t be a problem if it was just events and such cause you could keep a tape player or video camera with you from time to time to record stuff. But it is not. This is best exemplified in the movie Memento. There is a certain context to you memory that makes you feel act and think. This is the part of memory that I can never hold on to. The part that always gets brought up when someone says the words, �what the fuck were you thinking?�
It is, with quite regularity, a question I am unable to answer. The thoughts and feelings that are associated with a moment of memory. Why you do an action. The level of stress/hunger, the smell of a moment, the sound that was playing on a radio somewhere in a house. These are things I can never remember. I can remember things I did at a time but never the exact reason of why I did them. This is the �hell of reason�, and the �myth of past�. Constly knowing that �you won�t remember this�. That your past is unavailable for comment. Knowing that that rational line of events that caused you to do something can never fully be explored in full. The comments I am writing are a summation of a number of things that if I sat down for a couple of hours I could fully explore. But I wont and looking upon this in the past I will try to explain what caused me to write this.
Why did I introduce my girlfriend to my other girlfriend? Why did I want to kill myself? Why did I avoid my father for years? Why did I start enjoying the rain? These are common and important elements of my life, and often I have tried to assemble reasons for them. But I am never fully sure because the reasons never seem to make any sense anymore. My brain can never fully comprehend the information available to my brain then, that caused the actions then, with the information I have now, and with how I would act now. There are even worse examples in academia. Corporations can implant memories in our brain through the use of symbols. A group of people recently reported having fun with bugs bunny in Disneyworld after they were part of an experiment in which science people told them bugs would be there. Bugs, unfortunately, is not a Disney character. And this isn�t a rant on evil corps, because really it�s not something they invented. It�s just the way our brain works. What is worse is that We can do it to ourselves. The reasons I have for doing the above stuff, could be completely false. Fabricated by me, for me, in order to hide from the intense guilt or anger or lack of logic behind those decisions.
you won't remember this.