Why did this happen. On one end it seems logical that I was going through a learning process. The events were new and magical and addictive to my brain which had not yet been subject to this kind of stimulation. New pathways and habits were coming out or being created. New chemicals were surging in my veins. New interactions. All of so overwhelming.
On the other hand all of the 'fire' partners in my life did this with me (do this with me) and I can feel the same pain and anguish over a partner I had for 1 year as one I had for three months. This is true for other things in my life: jobs, friends, school, clubs, activities. All have had time effects to them that were different when I was younger compared to now. In some ways I've developed more of a tolerance or savoury flavour for these things. At the same time I can see the junk coming from a distance.
Chalk it up to experience all you want, I'm telling ya, there is more going on here. I think it has to do to a large degree with percentiles. Percentages. Fractions of your life. When I was 15 and had my first g-friend, we were together for 3 months. 25% of one of my 15 years of life. 1.802% of my entire life. To put that into perspective, if I lived to be a hundred it would be over 20 months of time. That would be like being with a girl everyday for over 5 months at my current age. That's a lot of time today, but maybe it won't be if I live to a hundred.
Now remember how much you could not remember of your first, say 4-6 years of life. Remember how long a day felt like when you were 8? A day was a lot of time in your memory back then. When you're 32, it's 1/10000 th of your memory filled days.
Having recently broke up with my ex, It came to my attention that I'd been with her for shy of 3 years. At 24 that's on1/8th of my life. If you discount the first 6 years, it's 1/6th. Something like 17% of my memory has been with this girl. How this plays out will be set in stone from now on. My memory will be locked in to that perspective. I will remember that 17% for good. It will feel like 17% different that say 3 years would feel like at 50. Then it's only 6% and that's gunna feel like nothing. Even though it will be only 6% in the future, it will always carry the feeling of 17%. When I'm a hundred I'll remember the girls of my life who I stayed with for those 17 years and 20 months and wonder what they are doing. I'll also wonder how I managed to be with so many different partners for so long.