Kevin Mikles

000774328

11/4/02

 

 

Troll-Hunting in an Anti-AOL Newsgroup

 

           

Preparing myself as best I could, I logged onto alt.aol-sucks using Google’s newsgroup directory for the first time.  I had unfortunately experienced the lackluster ISP in my almost-forgotten past, and after becoming a spectator to the national infestation of the inferior internet portal, my hardened hatred for both the service and oblivious AOLers in general had recently climaxed.  This newsgroup would be the perfect place to vent.

            My first visit was an utterly confusing one.  After reading threads with subjects ranging from “Newbie problems” to the loud “ALEX CAIN IS A FAG”, I decided to take a step back into the shadows of the virtual meeting place and become a “lurker’ – one who observes a virtual community without saying a word.  The inhabitants of alt.aol-sucks would need a thorough examination and analysis before an actual understanding of the posts would occur.

            Although I was used to participating in other message boards and newsgroups on the internet, I had never hung around a group of this size and variation of posters.  My newsgroup identity slipped on special digital ring, rendering itself invisible in a banquet hall composed of  - what I would eventually discover - interesting and unique specimens.  The group was a relatively active one; it would average 6 or 7 new threads a day, as well as about 20 new posts to accompany them.

            From the postings I read from mid-September through the beginning of November of 2002, I concluded that a base of about 20 users visited the newsgroup on a daily basis, with hundreds of other posters stopping by on occasion.  A temporary visitor posting a technical question regarding AOL was common, but I bet most of them were undoubtedly scared away from the board.  The species inhabiting the newsgroup was a rowdy one.  I imagined myself being the male ‘Jane Goodall’ of the digital jungle as I jotted notes, analyzing the frequent posters with more detail.

            The identity McDougle42 was a particularly interesting one.  Due to the volume of his postings and his large back-history on the group, I proclaimed him one of the ‘elders’ of alt.aol-sucks.  This particular poster was confusing at first.  It seemed as though he was and advocate of AOL-Time Warner; he preached a pro-AOL sermon tirelessly, proclaiming how great the service is.  After keeping up on his daily postings, I eventually figured out he was just kidding.  I thought his charade was pretty obvious, but many identities – surely out of pure love for anonymous conflict – would attack him with profanity.  Calling him “McDiggle” of McDogfucker” were common insults.  I just couldn’t take a man with this signature seriously:

--------------------------------

AOL is the best ISP

AOL is the Internet and more

AOL is as valuable as telephone and more

--------------------------------

 

            Being a common target for trolls (posters looking for trouble and conflict), McDougle42’s signature was replicated and improved by many users:

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AOL is a pain in the ass.

AOL is the Internet a BORE

AOL is as valuable as an abacus.

--------------------------------

and

--------------------------------

AOL is the worst ISP

AOL is not the internet and more

AOL is as valuable as a broken dildo

--------------------------------

 

            Both signatures were used by K. A. Cannon, another frequent poster with troll-ish attributes.  They were significant improvements over his regular signature, which was a gigantic 57-line ASCII representation of Marvin the Martian with a quote stating: “Women wearing Wonderbras and low-cut blouses lose their right to complain about having their boobs stared at.”

            Another alt.aol-sucks ‘elder’ was a poster named Andrewmatt.  Just like his friend McDougle42, Andrewmatt adored AOL’s service.  His posts were easily differentiated from McDougle’s, however, because of his slight sarcasm.  Words in his posts were altered to add the AOL acronym into like-sounding words.  For example, ‘also’ would turn into ‘AOLso’, and ‘always’ would be ‘AOLways’, like in his common signature, ‘AOLways and Forever!’”.  Adding trademarks to words also appeared to be a trait of his messages, as well as typing a saucy “Hope that helps!” before his signature on every message.

            The following excerpt is a decent example of a common ‘help’ thread, where a visiting identity posts a question about AOL: 

 

            On 13 Oct 2002 11:44:03 PST [email protected] wrote:

        “My Mom is thinking of getting AOL DSL to go with her AOL account.  AOL

                    only charges $30, which makes me suspicious when all the other DSL

                    providers charge $50.  Anyone have any experience with AOL DSL, or can

                    comment about it?”

 

            On 13 Oct 2002 12:58:03 PST Dr. Harvie Wahl-Banghor wrote:

        “It sucks. You just get AOL a little faster and AOL still sucks, the

                    Internet is still accessed through a proxy server. Spend the extra $20

                    and be free of AOL's spam and pop up advertisements.”

 

            On 14 Oct 2002 11:10:03 PST McDougle42 wrote:

        “You have no idea what you are talking about. If you get AOL DSL - jump at it.

Such a deal from a brand name world-wide company with 24 houirs free customer

service and trusted quality. It is a steal.

It is like buyng a Ferrari at a price of Geo Metro.”

 

            On 14 Oct 2002 3:25:55 PST Andrewmatt wrote:

        “Don't you know that old saying "Momma knows best"?

Well it's AOLways true.

AOL(tm)'s DSL connects at speeds that will make you wet your panties.  I've been using AOL(tm)'s broadband for quite sometime and I wouldn't give it up for the world. You get 7 Screen Names(tm) that can AOLso be online at the same time.

1,000 times faster Channels(tm), Chat(tm), Usenet, original

Content(tm) which AOL(tm) is known worldwide for. Get what you want online when you want it at lightning speeds! There is no contract and AOL(tm) is a name that can AOLways be trusted. Don't settle for any old internet they offer you at the jack shacks settle down with AOL(tm) for the rest your life.

Go to Keyword(tm): High Speed

You will be glad you did.

Hope that helps!”

 

 

            Although the “AOL DSL?” thread was generally kept under decent social control, other topics sadly get bombarded by flame-posting trolls.  Conflict always seems to loom in the air, no matter if the topic happens to be AOL or how badly the new SNL season sucks.  When new threads are birthed, I always found myself waiting in anticipation for the conversation to fall into the bowels of hell.

            Self-proclaimed trolls like C-C-C-Cainman lurk in the newsgroup, waiting to pounce on almost anyone (especially AOL users in the seemingly wrong forum, asking for help):

 

            On 27 Oct 2002 19:13:01 PST C-C-C-Cainman wrote:

“Because you're a shit-for-brains AOL user who is far too stupid to figure out how to attribute a post using their screwed up newsreader.”

 

           

Then you have trolls like Aaron Katz who are angered by the ‘elite’ recognition of how much ‘better’ other trolls are than he is.  I call it “troll-envy”:

           

On 24 Oct 2002 18:18:01 PST Aaron Katz wrote:

“why is it that no one killfiles cccainman but when i make one stupid post everyone gets sand in their pussy?”

 

 

            Finally, trolls such as the common poster Nunayabidniz live for the sole purpose of attacking McDougle or Andrewmatt in their faux-crusade for AOL’s world domination.  These trolls are plentiful, and attack in groups once a siege is launched:

 

On 22 Oct 2002 9:34:17 PST Andrewmatt wrote:

        “Mary,

Nevermind Brainiac5's fictional account of "Porn Banners" on AOL(tm) is laughable. There is no "Porn" content on AOL(tm) never has and never will.

That truth is a well known factual fact.

People create these myths to lure people into the scummy underworld known as the Old Internet. AOL(tm) has nothing but PURE Content(tm) that the whole family can enjoy. Now maybe Brainiac has a good time looking at porno, but he's never going to experience the wicked orgasms that AOL(tm)'s Channels(tm) bring for the whole family to enjoy.

AOL(tm), where we care about the families.

Hope that helps!”

 

On 22 Oct 2002 15:52:10 PST Nunayabidniz wrote:

“Ignore Andrewmatt's shit. AOL is riddled with porn and perverts. Why do you want to go there? That's nuts.”

 

 

            The trolls on alt.aol-sucks are dealt with differently, depending on the user.  Some identities, such as Andrewmatt, give educated replies without vulgar language, calling the malicious posters ‘children’ in so many words.  Many others simply ignore them, and choose not to add to the thread under attack.  However, the majority of the normal posters thrive on conflict, and seem to go at one another with glee.

            The only user that almost everyone ignores is the identity CBonita2, who types run-on sentences in all-caps.  After trying to explain to her that all-caps is the net equivalent of shouting, the board gave up on her.  Either she’s foreign or eleven, I cannot tell.

            Despite the constant flame wars and often-irrelevant threads (witness “Michael Moore on the sniper” and “AOL sucks, but so does Mike Tyson”), sometimes glimmers of civility shine through.  Educated discussions dot the thread lists, and can be helpful on a technical level.  Although all the posters seem to despise AOL, most have technical knowledge of how the service works.

            The identity TracyAdamP is an infrequent poster who used to work for AOL as a customer service representative.  She emerges now and then to help people who have stumbled across alt.aol-sucks with technical questions regarding the giant ISP.  Unfortunately, these types of threads also attract trolls, so often times enlightening discussions are mauled to death with profanity.

            The style of the written discussions of alt.aol-sucks is, as shown, generally loose and informal.  Profanity and name-calling are common sightings on a board filled with angry past and current users of AOL’s sub-par internet service.  As a common posting trait, users generally reference previous quotes in the thread, sometimes entirely, so it is easy to follow the dialogue.  However, often times malicious trolls alter references for their evil uses, which ‘puts words in other people’s mouths’.

            The members of the board appear to know each other well (as some of them have been posting since the mid-90’s) and chat like old friends.  The message board, a hostile-looking room to an outsider, is a community where people can vent, attack each other for the love of battle, and post whatever may come to mind.  Everything is fine in this crazy little virtual place …just as long as the poster understands the repercussions of posting.