Santo the Slave pt. 1
Seriously, I don't know how much longer I can take this. They're watching my every move. For all I know they could even be tapping into my thoughts. Don't ask me how, it's beyond me. Cameras. Everywhere. These days they're so tiny, so advanced, that they can be anywhere and in any object. Could they be in the water I'm drinking? Too many coincidences. Odd ones. They usually happen twice and sometimes a third. They're watching me. It's very possible.
I don't know who “they” are but I have a feeling that they also control my fate. Who knows, maybe they directed me towards the asylum because I'm better off here. Life is too full of “maybes” and “ifs” and not enough affirmation. Is there any certainty in life at all? What can I know? Is there any truth at all?
It's very possible to change the past, but I could very well be the first of many test subjects in changing the future. They're controlling me. Externally of course. I think for myself and act on my thoughts but their constant surveillance over me gives them an edge. They force me into believing that I must go to school, work, date, consume, and all the rest. They control me, not physically, but mentally, and the mind controls the body for the larger majority of the time. They trick my mind into making my own conscious decisions and my body acts on them. Perhaps it is not mind over matter, but something else, for if we cannot trust even ourselves, what is there to do?
Albert Camus nailed it in my opinion. The thought of existence is absurd and so the question is “is it worth living”? Is life absurd or meaningful? Of course we give life its meaning eventually, I have that much figured out. There are outside influences of course so my life's meaning will never be original. We all share ideas with each other. Can we ever be unique, or will we continue to live out our lives as chameleons?
Oh, how I'd like to see them slip up. One mistake, that is all I would need to expose them. They couldn't possibly control all of us can they? They can't all be against me. It's too much work for an entire world to devote so much time on just me. But then that's what they would want me to think. What if a select few was watching the entire world and influenced every one of their decisions in order to control the world? Maybe it's already happened! We are all “free” slaves to the machine and we don't even know it. They simply watch us and give us the liberty to “choose” what we will. This freedom doesn't even allow us to awaken from our capture. The only strong ones are the suicidal, as stupid as it may sound. Suicide is both brave and cowardly. The killers are cowardly because they can't handle the pressure that life squeezes onto them but are brave because they actually have the balls to go through with it. And who couldn't? It doesn't take long anyways. It's the only way to escape from these shackles of life, but then what awaits us after life?
I must make a final choice in my life. I must either expose one of the surveyors or die trying. Whichever one comes first is fine, in fact, they will control that as well. Every time I think I have a choice they take it away from me. So in a way, I am a slave, but I am as Sartre said, “condemned to be free”. There is nothing anyone can do that will stop me from choosing and making decisions. But these choices and decision-making are all in my head for they are controlling me mentally. They have learned that mental power is much stronger than physical power. I must stop thinking too much. They've probably overheard my thoughts. I must leave this place. Although the asylum is safer than the outside world it is really getting to me. You never really see the bigger picture when there's a wall in front of you. I have to do something, but every action I carry out is being controlled by my mind, thus controlled by them. They can now control me physically in an indirect way. But why, I ask? WHY?! For what purpose? Why? TELL ME!!