Jack The Hack pt. 1

       Today was a pretty tame day if I may say so myself. Not much happens here. I thought about Lara today and about our past. I don't regret anything I said to her. I am who I am and some things had to be said. This white room reminds me of her. The way the soft walls rub gently against my face and the way they don't do what I tell them to do. Well I'm just lucky to have four walls and not three like Jim down the corridor. Man, he's got problems. Some of my mates dream of how they wish there were no walls at all. But they're stupid. Two walls are enough to get out of here. Or would it? What if the walls never ended - just two directions? Where would I be running? Maybe just one wall is the answer. But who would belong on either side? And wouldn't travelling around the world get me to the other side?

       That's not important right now. I'm more concerned about my review that's coming up. I have to prepare it perfectly and rehearse, rehearse, rehearse. I just have to see Lara again to apologize to her for burning down her mother's house. She wouldn't want to talk to me though. I'm just a -

       Wait, come to think of it, all I'd need is an open ceiling and I could climb my way out. I could piece together some rope using my hair. It would take me a long time to make but it would be worth the effort. If only there wasn't a ceiling.

       I'm running out of yellow crayons. All they give me is a pack of six. I CAN'T STAND USING ANY OTHER COLOUR!!! I'll have to eat the remaining five and I'll have to do it when the crayon goddess isn't looking. She would tear me a new belly button and just to piss me off she would make it an outie.

       I hope Lara forgives me because I'm coming for her. I won't take no for an answer. She won't have a choice. Hmm, I wonder if she has a new dog. Her Chihuahua tasted like sausage. No wonder they call it the wiener dog.

       So, about that review - they're going to ask me things about how I've improved. I'll just have to tell them that I have, simple as that. I've improved, Mr Fischer. I've improved, Mr Fischer. I've improved, Mr Fischer. All this practicing makes my bowels move. Errr…mmm…ahhh… There we go. I feel better now. Let Doris clean that up. Without me she wouldn't have a job. I'm what makes the world go 'round. And Lara better understand that or I'll make her understand. The best part about reviews is that they give you pills. I don't know what they are exactly but I love them. Sometimes it's worth failing reviews just so I can look forward to the next one. I sometimes pretend I don't want to take the pills so that they force me to take more. Sometimes if I'm violent enough they inject me with different drugs. It hits me much faster.

       Damn these walls. What I need is a battering ram. Maybe Jerry could send me one hidden inside a cake. Preferably a yellow one - the cake, I mean. Or a guard dog to keep me safe from the crayon goddess. If she found out what I do with the other five crayons she'd - oh wait, I've already mentioned that. But look, I need to get out of here. I just need to talk to Lara, my one and only daughter. Please. Please! I've improved. I've improved. I've improved…