Hightlights: Hello
Guru: HEY BUDDIE!
Hightlights: Guru, how big is your piece.
Guru: thats a tuffie
Guru: lemme think man...
Guru: 8 miles
Hightlights: 8 miles?  How did you measure it?
Guru: dende went on a hike with a box of yard sticks, he set thim down and counted the distance
Hightlights: Does dende like to play with the piece?
Guru: no, he hates it but I force him to enjoy it
Guru: I SLAP HIS BOOTY OH YEAH!!!
Hightlights: speaking of your piece, whats your favorite thing to do with it?
Guru: well, in episode 40-something I listed the 11 uses of a piece
Guru: I would say sucking it
Hightlights: Guru, when is your pieces birthday?
Guru: the same as mine, in namek calender dates, It was born Humboober 45th, 456
Guru: in earth years thats October 31st
Hightlights: what do you do to celebrate on your birthdays?
Guru: I have cake and play Superman 64
Hightlights: Is superman 64 your favorite game?
Guru: next to Dragonball GBA, yes
Hightlights: Guru, are you currently seeing someone?  If so, who?
Guru: Yes, I'm seeing Dende
Guru: (dont tell him, he dont know)
Hightlights: Whats your favorite game you like to play with dende?
Guru: hide the money, i put money in my piece and he "finds" it
Hightlights: How much money?
Guru: it's better then prostitutes
Guru: I cant say exactly
Hightlights: Guru if you had to give a message for all the children on earth, what would it be?
Guru: Respect elders. Although they may seem slow, they have a helluva lotta sexin in them.
Hightlights: I have noticed your piece has been used to kill many people, does it often work out?
Guru: yes, always, I can kill you too bitch, hahahahaha
Hightlights: unless i stay 9 miles away from you, you cant touch me.
Guru: ask the questions bitch
Guru: i can hear a few more
Hightlights: Guru, if you werent gay, who'd you date?
Guru: I'm not gay, I love girls! Right now I love a very pretty girl.
Guru: her name is Ben Affleck
Hightlights: what about dende?
Guru: he is a boy
Hightlights: but you said you were dating dende.
Guru: loving boys is ok
Guru: men are gross
Hightlights: Guru why do we never get to see your family in your comics?
Guru: My father was a fish salesmen and my mother was a prostitute, they both are dead now
Hightlights: what about muuri, kami, slug, or tsuuno
Hightlights: even piccolo
Guru: Tsuuno was in the Green Giant Saga, the others will be seen too
Guru: two more questions
Hightlights: okay, why is your name guru
Guru: My full name is Guru Guru Onsen, which also is the name of a Sega game. My parents named me Guru because they figured I would become Guru if I was named Guru
Hightlights: tell me about your parents
Guru: My father was named Gupa and mommy was named Guma, rumor has it my real father was the family dog who was very fat, but dont listen to that
Hightlights: okay thanks for your time, i hope you turn straight, i mean gay.. whateve
Guru: I have to get going to see david, thanks for interviewing me and thank you dave for typing for me