| Man-Eating Garbage Cans Attack Dozens Tehran, Iran |
| Tehran was a fairly quiet place of work since it being the capital there wasn�t a whole lot going on here in this place, UNTIL NIGHT FALLS THEN ALL HELL BREAKS LOOSE!!! Rather it wasn�t really night. It was kinda like 5 pm? But as darkness fell the night life was something to be seen, greater than Miami and New York combined! It was first spent as me and Andre had been walking down the streets looking for the happenings when all of a sudden dozens upon dozens of innocent people were hunted by the menacing beast that haunts Tehran, HUMAN EATING GARBAGE CANS!!! By the time we had got there they had already eaten two young boys who, sources say strangely looked like Tom Arnold and Louie Anderson, except Iranian and eaten. �It was horrible� explained a local onlooker, �Those monsters just started coming to life and snuck up on the two boys (Tom and Louie) and ate them whole we all started to flee, luckily one of the boys (Louie) got away, but not before we grabbed him and threw him to the cans so we could safely escape the murderous rampage of the cans� |
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| The Cans of Death continued their horrible reign of chaos until military forces showed up and were surprised by the activities and said�SURPRISE as if this was all a joke, when asked to comment one of the military officers explained that the cans were part of a new hit reality show where common everyday objects attack people and eat them and that no it isn�t part of some secret military project to create new war machines to crush our enemies. Adding to this claim that this was all a new reality TV show the military started to dance which lasted throughout the night, �Its all off the hook!� cried Al-Mahain Muhammed a soldier enjoying the activities, �All we do is dance dance dance my friend who needs to worry about crazed trashcans when you can dance the night away?� |
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| Despite the military�s efforts to stop this horrible attack of the trashcans some people were standing up and taking notice to this event. Local militia leader of the Al-Aksa-Agayn Movement commented, �We are standing up and taking notice to this event.� His group�s efforts were to hunt down and destroy these wretched monsters, early the next morning the group awoke and headed out destroying any and all garbage receptacles. When asked the militia leader said, �If it means destroying every waste basket to dump truck by ala we shall move until all of these bastards are eliminated, even if it means living waist deep in our own filth, but that�s a sacrifice I�m willing to make.� Curious as to what the military felt about this militia they once again responded, �They need to stop the hissin and a� pissin and start to dance Dance DANCE!� |
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| Not taking crap from anyone the hunt for the cans began, a strange situation occurred when the group mistakenly thought a flower pot was a trash can, when it had used gum wrappers inside of it, refusing to answer to their questioning the flower pot was shot and killed immediately. While the group gathered around the flower pot in the questioning process the group was ambushed by the garbage cans and then hunted down, realizing defeat the militia then turned tails and ran. Heading in with about 30 members in this round only 4 escaped those two pictured, plunged off a cliff to their deaths, while the third in the back was eaten alive by the wretched beasts. |
| Dance, dance and dance... |
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| Demanding immediate attention by military officials the public stands around and mourns those lost to the dumpsters. Shuad Boshkare mourns for her four sons whose lives were taken by the dumpsters and wishes only that the military would stop their dancing and control the threat of the creatures. |
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| In a humanitarian aid mission, former US president Bill Clinton moves in to speak of the rumored dumpster threat and speak of large badgers. |
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| Former President Bill Clinton explains that the only way they�re going to get money is if they show some credible proof of these monsters then perhaps he would be willing to shell out the clams. |
| Justice Minister Tommy Baird explains to those surrounding him and to Former President Clinton that the threat is real and that is how he lost his arm and now has a fake wooden arm which isn�t all that fun claims Tommy. |
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| Shocked by this fact the former president then went on to tell others that it is a serious threat of these dumpsters and that they must be dealt with immediately �My poor friend Tommy here lost his arm to these damned monsters and now must rely on a cheap Mexican made wooden arm.� caught in a lie Tommy was seen a few minutes later eating chocolate pudding clearly using his right arm which he had said was taken by the dumpsters. Surprised by this he immediately claimed that his arm had grown back thanks to the research of reptilian healing factors thanks to the research founded by Dr. Curt Connors, who until recently had been thought to only be a character in Spider-man. Sadly the aid was refused and any remaining pudding in the area was taken away and horded by the former president. |
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| As there seems to be no hope for the poor people of Tehran, there must be something people can do to stop the evil dumpsters�. |
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| The pudding is all mine! |