Guns n' Roses press conference before reunion tour, 2010:
Slash, Duff, Izzy and Matt are sitting at the table with reporters in front of them.
Reporter: Ehm, guys, why isn't Axl here? Is he a part of the reunion.
Slash: Whatever dude...
Izzy: Oh I really hope Axl will be here soon, he's our friend, we love him and we want to tour and have fun with him.
Duff: Dude that's gay.
Matt: Hey at the meantime I can tell you about those two lesbians I met yesterday... And they were like...
[Buckethead walks in and smacks Matt upside the head]
Reporter: What the hell was that?]
Duff: Well after Axl fired Buckethead he couldn�t find a job or anything. He recorded an album and couldn't even sell two CD's...
Slash: Even though it was a double album...
Duff: So we decided to give him a minimum wage job.
Report: So what's his job?
Matt: Lemme tell you about what kinda job I got yesterday! Hahahahaha
[Buckethead walks in again and smacks Matt upside the head]
Reporter: I see... [Writes stuff in his notebook]
Reporter: Slash can you tell us what happened back in the nineties that got the band to break up in the first place?
Slash: Well you see, Axl made us sign this document against our will that said the Guns n Roses name will belong to him.
Reporter: OK [writing down]
Slash: And then he went ballistic and fired me.
Reporter: I see... [Writing down] But what really made him do it?
Slash: Well he asked for the Guns n Roses name and we like said "yeah whatever", and Duff was like "Where's the whiskey?" and all...
Reporter: But you just said...
Slash: Then I was like "fuck this I'm outta here" and I quit the band.
Report: But... You just said you were fired, and you signed against your will...
Slash: What?
Reporter: What?
Slash: What?
Reporter: What?
Slash: Yeah... Whatever dude...
[Awkward silence for a couple of minutes as everybody tries to figure out what just happened. Steve walks in the door]
Steve: OK guys!!!! Ready to rock n' roll????
Duff: So then in like 1997 I was almost dead because of all the booze...
Steve: Dudes?
Izzy: I hope nothing bad happened to Axl on the way here, I wouldn't want anything to happen to my sweet Axl.
Steve: What the fuck, guys? Not again, it's been fucking 20 years!
Slash: Dude, you're being all gay again.
Izzy: I'm not gay!
[Steven gets up on the table]
Steven: EVERYBODY!!! LISTEN TO ME!!!
[Everybody quiet down and look at Steven for a moment, then turn back to whatever they were doing before]
Slash: That was gay, man.
Duff: And then we got another guitarist into VR, Doug...
Steve: Fuck this.... [Walks out]
[Axl bursts in the door]
Axl: DO YOU KNOW WHERE THE FUCK YOU ARE??????????
[Dizzy walks in right after Axl. clapping]
Dizzy: That was magnificent, Mr. Rose, truly remarkable!
[Axl runs to the table and jumps on it, he stands up and then falls down to the floor]
Axl: Awwww... My back....
[Izzy jumps up and runs to Axl]
Izzy: Are you OK, Bill? Are you OK? Don't die, please don't die!!! I love you!!! Don't die.
[Everybody look at Izzy]
Axl: Faggot.
[Axl sits with the rest of the guys]
Reporter: Axl, how did you settle all your differences with the rest of the guys?
Axl: Well you see... I was out at the bar one night... And I was thinking to myself... Maybe Slash is right, maybe I do get paranoid and control freak sometimes. And then I realized...
Reporter: That you guys are really friends and should do it for the love for the music and stop arguing over useless shit?
Axl: What? No. I realized I was fucking drunk... Slash was right? What the fuck have I been thinking?
Reporter: Oh... OK [writes down].
Axl: And then I go home and I see my dog dead, and Buckethead and Richard Fortus standing next to it with needles in their hands and my TV is on fire behind them...
Reporter: You seem to be happy about it, you are smiling.
Axl: Oh... No I'm not smiling, it's the Botox... You know...
Reporter: Ah... So what did you do?
Axl: I said to them what I once said to my good buddy Matt here...
Reporter: What's that?
Axl: That's it!!!!! You're fired!!!! Get the fuck outta here!!!!
[The wall explodes and through the smoke comes a man in a costume and a mask with a shotgun in his hand]
Man: OK listen up you fuckers!!! If I'm not on this tour, everybody in this room die!
Slash: Whatever dude...
Izzy: No! Bill!!!! [Jumps and tackles Axl to the ground]
Axl: Will you get off me, dumbass??? And take your hand away from my ass!
Izzy: That's not my hand...
Duff: Dude that's gay.
Man: Didn't you hear me??? Everybody's gonna die!!!!
Duff: Dude it's the third time this week... We don't know who the fuck you are! Our first drummer was a chick named Sally, if I remember correctly.
[Man removes his mask and it's Steven]
Steve: Guys that's sooooo not funny!
Reporter: So guys, what songs are you going to play on the tour.
Axl: Well I've got this new song.... it goes something like this: Aaaaaaiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiihhhhhhhhhhhaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Duff: Yeah and we asked our friend to write some more lyrics to that song...
[Scott bursts in the door]
Scott: It's ok!!!! It's ok!!!! No worries!!!! It's ok!!!! No worries!!!! No worries!!!! No worries!!!! It's ok!!!! It's ok!!!! No worries!!!! It's ok!!!! It's ok!!!! No worries!!!!...
Slash: And the solo comes in it's like... [Takes guitar out, plays 5 notes]
Reporter: That's the whole solo?
Slash: What?
Reporter: What?
Slash: What?
Reporter: What?
[Buckethead comes out and smacks Matt upside the head]
Matt: What the fuck?
Axl: Aahhhhhhhhhhhiiiiaaaaaaaaa
Scott: It's ok!!!! It's ok!!!! No worries!!!! It's ok!!!! It's ok!!!! No worries!!!!
Steven: Fuck you guys, I'm going to the Adler's Appetite reunion.
Duff: Is that jack Daniels over there?
Dizzy: That song is song wonderful, Mr. Rose!
Izzy: Duff, isn't it great how we are all friends again?
Duff: Uhmmm... *passes out*