"Hello?"
"Hey Scott," said Slash. "Listen, we gotta go down to the studio."
"What for?" asked Scott in a puzzled tone. "The album's done."
"Clive wants to talk to us about our first tour," answered Slash. "I'm on my way there right now."
"But," Scott began. "I'm on the Sunset Strip and I took a bus here. I'm kinda stuck."
"Where are you at?" asked Slash. "I'll pick you up."
"I'm outside in front of the Ivy," said Scott. "You'll recognize me right away. I'm the person that was dumb enough to wear warm clothes on a day like this."
The phone call ended with a small chuckle from Slash.
Slash and Scott arrived at the studio where they recorded their debut album. They were greeted by the other band members: Duff McKagan, Matt Sorum, and Dave Kushner.
The 5 members of Velvet Revolver were called to the studio by Clive Davis, the president of the record label they were signed to. The men were sitting on a couch and in a couple of chairs when Clive walked in.
"Hello fellas," said Clive in a jovial manner.
"Hey," said Velvet Revolver almost in unison.
"I called you guys here because I have the schedule for your first tour in Europe."
"Cool," said Duff.
"Great," said Matt. "I've been aching to get on the road again."
"But," started Clive. "You'll be toruing with another band."
"That's cool I guess," said Slash. "Who's the other band?"
"I don't know right off the back," said Clive. "I have the name here in these papers I got."
Clive began to rummage through a stack of papers looking for the name of the band.
"Ah, here it is," said Clive. "The band you're touring with is-" Clive stopped and his eyes widened.
"What?" said Duff. "What is it?"
"Oh no," said Clive "This isn't good."
"What?" Duff repeated.
"Um," stuttered Clive.
"What's the matter?" asked Dave.
"According to this paper," began Clive. "You guys will be touring with..." he trailed off.
"Who?" asked Matt. "Who are we touring with? It can't be that hard to say."
"You're touring with Guns n Roses," said Cilve quickly and flatly.
"WHAAT?!?" exclaimed Duff and Slash together. Matt had a look of disbelief on his face. Scott and Dave were surprised, but not as shocked as their bandmates were.
"Haha," said Matt. "That's a good one Clive. No seriously, who are we touring with?
"I am serious Matt," replied Clive. "That's what the paper says." Clive handed him the paper. The rest of the guys gathered around Matt to see for themselves.
"We can't tour with them," said Slash.
The reason that Duff Matt and Slash were shocked was because they were former members of Guns n Roses, but because of an ugly fallout with the frontman Axl Rose, they all left. Axl had since then replaced them, but Guns n Roses had been quiet for a while.
"This has gotta be a mistake," said Duff. "What idiot would put us on a tour with Axl?"
"I couldn't agree with you more Duff," said Clive. "Which is why I'm calling the tour manager right now and get to the bottom of this."
Clive pulled out his cell phone and dialed a number. A voice answered on the other line.
"Hello, is this the manager for the upcoming tour in Europe for Velvet Revolver? It is? Oh good. Listen, I think there's been a mix-up on the paper you sent me. It states that Velvet Revolver is touring with Guns n Roses and I--, uh-huh, uh-huh. Really now? So there wasn't a mix-up? So Velvet Revolver and Guns n Roses are to tour together? Okay. Thank you, good-bye." Clive hung up. "Nope, it wasn't a mistake. You guys and Guns n Roses are on the same bill."
"Well then call him back and tell him to boot either us or Guns n Roses off!" said Duff.
"Sorry Duff, the guy who's in charge said he knew exactly what he was doing and he wasn't going to change his mind, but you guys can back out if you like, if you feel like waiting for months for me to be able to find somebody to book another tour. My advice is that you guys just do this tour and get it over with, it's only three weeks."
Scott had been silent the whole time but finally spoke up. "Hmm, maybe Clive's right. Maybe this 'pair-up' isn't so bad."
Duff put his hand on Scott's forehead. "You feeling okay Scott? Did the heat go to your head?"
Scott pushed off Duff's hand. "I'm perfectly fine. I'm just saying that maybe we should just do the tour with Guns n Roses. The least that could happen is a few small arguments with Axl.
"Besides, the tour's already been set-up and people have probably already bought tickets, the last thing I wanna do is disappoint alot of people who paid way too much for their tickets and just drop out at a moments notice.
"Who cares about Axl? Let's just go out there and give the people what they want and not think twice about him."
"I agree with Scott," said Dave. "Let's just do the tour. It's not like we'll be on stage with Guns n Roses."
"Of course you two wouldn't mind," said Duff. "You've never had to work with Axl, but I can understand that. I guess Scott's right, we shouldn't let Axl ruin our fun.
"So I guess I'm in, what about you Slash? Matt?"
"Oh, alright," said Slash.
"Fine, whatever," said Matt. "I guess there's not that much harm in it."
"Good, it's settled," broke in Clive. "Here are your plane tickets, first class of course, and you guys are expected to be in London for the first show in a week."
"So, can we go now?" asked Slash.
"I suppose," answered Clive. "I don't have any other startling news in my possession."
"Yeah I'm gonna go home," said Matt. "After all this I feel a little woozy."
"Oh shit," said Scott looking at his watch. "I forgot to call my wife and tell her I was gonna be late."
"I'll take you home," said Slash.
"Bye guys," said Dave. "See ya in a week."
A week had passed and Velvet Revolver were in London. They hadn't run into Axl or any of the other members of the new Guns n Roses. Slash Duff and Matt wished it could stay that way, but they were going to have to face them sooner or later, but for the time being they were just enjoying their free time before the show.
Scott and Dave were tired from the trip so they decided to hang out in the bus given to the band for the tour. Matt Slash and Duff decided to hang around Picadilly Circus to kill time. They were greeted a few times by fans and happily gave out autographs but for the most part nobody seemed to notice them, or at least pretended not to because it was hard to miss Slash's wild curly black hair.
"Was it really a good idea to come?" asked Slash.
"Sure it was," answered Duff, but after a few seconds he had an uneasy look on his face. "Well...maybe not."
"I don't think so either," said Slash. "Hey, if were lucky we can get some plane tickets and fly back to LA."
"We can't do that," said Duff. "It's too late to back out now."
"Lighten up man," said Slash. "I was just joking."
"Oh, I know," said Duff.
Slash didn't believe him. "Yeah, sure. But I wasn't joking about being reluctant about doing this tour."
"I admit I'm not too thrilled about it either," said Duff. "But like Scott said we shouldn't give a shit about Axl. I betcha us backing out is what Axl wants and I don't know about you or Matt but I'm not giving him that satisfaction."
"That's a good reason to do this tour," said Slash. "Childish, but still a good reason. Plus we gotta think about the fans."
"Oh yeah, the fans are very important," said Duff.
The two men then turned to Matt, who seemed to be staring off into space.
"You're awfully quiet," said Duff.
"Huh?" asked Matt, obviously not paying attention to Slash and Duff's conversation.
"Where are you at?" asked Duff.
"Oh, I was just thinking about something," said Matt. "Not important though."
"You uncomfortable with it too, aren't ya?" asked Slash.
"Uncomfortable about what?" asked Matt.
Slash's eyes widened. "About touring with Guns n Roses."
"Oh, yeah, I am," replied Matt. "Jeez Slash. I wish you hadn't reminded me."
"Sorry," said Slash. "You were too quiet. I figured you'd jump in on the conversation."
"Yeah well," began Matt. "You don't need me to tell you that touring with Axl is a bad idea, you--hey." Matt's eyes suddenly focused on 2 girls passing by. "Alright, enough about Axl and Guns n Roses. I'm going off for a bit."
As Matt proceeded torwards the girls Velvet Revolver's tour bus pulled up and Dave poked his head out the door.
"Matt where are you going?" asked Dave. "It's time to get ready for the show."
Matt turned around and looked at him annoyingly. "I'm kinda busy right now," Matt turned around again but the girls were gone. "Oh shit. This couldn't have waited for like 10 minutes?"
Duff laughed. "I don't know why you're upset. You know you'll be getting plenty of that after the show."
Matt got on the bus and Duff and Slash followed, they were on their way to their "nightmare."
"This place is big," said Scott.
The venue was indeed big. the backstage area was full of people ranging from guitar techs to local radio DJ's. Velvet Revolver were unloading their instruments and giving them to roadies to be set up.
"You know," said Slash. "This isn't so bad."
"Yeah," said Duff. "I was feeling queasy, but now I'm just anxious to start the show."
"Once we get out there neither Axl nor anyone could bother us," said Slash.
"Speaking of Axl," said Scott. "I haven't seen him or any of the guys from Guns n Roses."
"Hey maybe we got lucky," said Matt. "Maybe Guns n Roses chickened out."
"Maybe not," said a familiar voice from the past.
The 5 men turned around and looked. Standing there was a skinny man with long red hair in dreadlocks. He was wearing a black jersey and baggy pants and had a look on his face that automatically said to people that he was not someone to fuck with.
"Axl," said Slash almost surprised yet amused.
"Hello girls," said Axl. "What shit project you got going now?"
"It couldn't be as shitty as that hairdo," said Duff.
Axl's face turned as red as his hair. "Whatever, just don't get in my way. Guns n Roses is coming back, bigger than ever."
"How can Guns n Roses 'comeback?' You haven't even released a new album," said Matt.
"You don't pay that much attention do ya?" asked Axl. "The new Guns n Roses album came out here weeks ago." Axl held up a CD case that had the Guns n Roses logo on it along with the title Chinese Democracy. "It just hasn't been released in the U.S. yet. We're trying it out here first, but you blowhards aren't helping."
"Well good," said Slash. "Like we'd wanna help you out."
"We're on this tour to annoy the fuck outta you," said Matt jokingly.
Scott and Dave stood watching the little spat. They couldn't help but be amused.
"How long do you think they can keep it up?" asked Dave.
"I don't know," replied Scott. "But I think we should intervene. As funny as this is we really need to get ready for the show."
Scott got in between his bandmates and Axl. "Alright, break it up."
"Stay outta this pansy," said Axl.
"Pansy?" said Scott offensively, and stared straight at Axl.
But before any action could take Axl's bandmates showed up. Axl had gotten new bandmates in recent weeks, except for the lead guitarist who was wearing a mask and a KFC bucket for a hat, and was known creatively as Buckethead.
"What's going on Axl?" asked Jack, the bassist.
"Nothing," said Axl. "Go away."
"Really?" asked Brian, the drummer. "Because it sounds like there's an argument happening."
"It's nothing, go away," said Axl in an aggrivated tone.
"We could hear you from the other end of this place," said Kyle, the rhythm guitarist. "Are you sure it's fine over here?"
"I SAID GO AWAY!" screamed Axl.
Buckethead remained silent and leaned against the wall. Axl shot an angry look at him. "Aren't you gonna ask me what's wrong too?"
Buckethead kept silent and stared at Axl, or appeared to, it was hard to tell with the mask on.
Axl thumped his bucket. "What's wrong with you?"
But Buckethead kept his peace.
"I give up," said Axl.
"I see you're still the same ray of sunshine you were when we quit," said Duff.
"Shut up!" spat out Axl.
"Oh good, you're all here," said a new voice. It was John Gardner, the tour manager. "I see you've all met, well of course 3/5 of Velvet Revolver knows Axl Rose."
John's cheerful tone irritated most of the guys.
"Well," said John. "Listen up Guns n Roses. The opening act is finishing up their set so you guys get ready to go on."
"Perfect," said Duff. "It's always a good idea to save the best for last."
Axl turned red again. "Okay, thanks for letting us know." he turned to his bandmates. "Let's go, I've wasted enough time with these assholes."
"Then why are you one if you can't stand them?" shot back Slash.
Axl stopped for a second as if to turn around, but instead he walked ahead and out of sight.
"He sure was happy to see us," said Matt.
'Thank God he's gone," said Slash.
"For now at least," said Duff. "You alright Scott?"
"Yeah," said Scott. "That pansy remark sorta got to me."
"Don't worry about it," said Duff. "Axl Rose has gotten to everybody at least once."
Just then Velvet Revolver heard John's voice over the PA. "Good evening London!" the crowd roared. "We got a real nice treat for ya tonight! The house is jam packed with rock legends!" the crowd cheered some more. "And here to really get the show rockin', welcome a band whose fame is a big as the world's! From Hollywood and coming out of a long hiatus, GUNS N ROSES!!!" the crowd went insane. They must've been expecting the original lineup because their cheers almost subsided when Axl and the new Gunners came out, but they were quickly revved up again once they heard the opening riffs to "Welcome to the Jungle."
"Out of all the Guns n Roses songs," said Slash. "He had to start with that one."
"Oh, you don't like it?" said Dave. "But you helped write it."
"I still like it," said Slash. "But it's not a song I get excited about anymore."
"Yeah," said Dave. "Are we still gonna do the Guns n Roses covers?"
"Yeah we're still doin 'em," said Duff. "It'll be awkward if Guns n Roses does the songs we're doing but still, it won't hurt."
In fact it wasn't awkward at all because the Guns n Roses songs that Velvet Revolver planned on playing Axl didn't even do. Guns n Roses only performed "Welcome to the Jungle" and the songs off Chinese Democracy.
"Heh, we're in luck," said Slash.
"Velvet Revolver, you're up," said John.
"Alright!" said Matt. "Finally!"
Axl and the rest of the Gunners walked off the stage without looking or talking to the guys.
John spoke into the PA again with his thick British accent. "Alright London!" the crowd cheered. "Now that you've had your fix of Guns n Roses, get ready for some more Rock n Roll! Also from Hollywood, VELVET REVOLVER!!!" and with that Velvet Revolver took to the stage. Slash and Dave strapped on their guitars, the seemingly 15-foot tall Duff readied his bass, Matt got behind his drums and Scott took hold of the mic and belted out a loud "Hello London!" and then Slash and Dave started to play the intro to Velvet Revolver's original song, "Sucker Train Blues." The crowd roared.
"Stand the fuck up!" screamed Scott into the mic. The crowd did what they were told and got up out of their seats. Scott and the guys were feeling very energetic. "We're gonna do a song now that might recognize if you're a Guns n Roses fan." Velvet Revolver began to play the Guns n Roses song "It's So Easy."
"What the?!?" blurted out Axl from backstage. "That's a Guns n Roses song! Those motherfuckers!"
"Calm down Axl," said Jack. "They can play it if they want."
"No they can't! Who does that pansy think he is, me? I'll fix him!"
Axl then did one of the most stupidest things ever. He ran on stage, grabbed the mic from Scott's hands, yelled into it "This is my song!" and then with all his might he punched Scott in the face. Scott, dumbfounded at this point, stumbled some and then hit the floor in a daze. Duff threw down his bass and punched Axl back. Slash went to help Scott, but pretty soon all the members of Guns n Roses, except Buckethead, were on the stage ready to brawl with Velvet Revolver. Scott got to his feet and charged at Axl and knocked him down. Slash Duff Dave and Matt tangled with the other Guns n Roses members. The crowd screamed with a mixture of cheers and boos. Pretty soon the concert security came up on the stage, pulled the men apart and dragged them backstage. Dave Matt and Slash only came out of it with a few bruises, but Duff's right hand was bleeding and Scott got a bloody nose which he was holding a towel to at this point. Axl also had a bloody nose but he had a black eye as well. The rest of Guns n Roses only got minor bruises and scratches.
John came rushing with paramedics. "What just happened here?!?"
"Why don't you ask that idiot over there?" said Duff pointing to Axl.
"They stole my song!" yelled Axl.
"You didn't even play it!" fired back Duff.
"That doesn't matter!" screamed Axl. "That song is Guns n Roses property!"
"Oh, and it makes perfect sense to try and knock out our lead singer!" retaliated Duff.
"You shitheads better stick to your own shit songs!" shouted Axl. "Or else I'll do far worse than tonight!"
Soon everybody was arguing. A ton of yelling was going on. The crowd was getting impatient and started booing ferociously. Things were getting out of hand. Somebody had to get things under control before more damage was done.
"Okay, SHUT UP!!!"
The backstage suddenly fell silent. Everyone looked at a face that was not too recognizeable, but quickly their attention went to a mask and a KFC bucket on the floor.
"This is really getting on my fucking nerves," said Buckethead. "You guys are grown men, and you're acting like kids!"
"So the bucket can talk," teased Axl.
"Ah shut up," said Buckethead. "Here's what we're gonna do. Axl, you're gonna let Velvet Revolver do the Guns n Roses covers. I checked their setlist and they aren't playing the songs we do so it's not that big a deal. Velvet Revolver, no more provoking Axl. Yes, you're to blame too. Now just go and finish your set, that is if you can." he looked at Scott and Duff.
Scott removed the towel from his nose. "I can finish."
"I can too," said Duff while bandaging his hand.
"Good," said Buckethead. "Now, I think it's best that us 2 bands just stay away from each other for the whole tour. If we continue to bicker we won't live to play the next date. There's no sense in any of of this fighting. Got it?"
There was a pause but it was cut short by replies of agreements.
"Alright, so we're agreed," said Buckethead. "Now, you guys go and finish your set. I promise there will be no more 'interruptions' from us anymore."
"Sounds like a plan," said Slash. "You know Buckethead, you're not that bad a guy."
Buckethead didn't reply. Instead he he picked up his bucket and mask, put them back on and walked out of view without saying anything. The rest of the members of Guns n Roses followed him. Axl gave one more angry glare at Velvet Revolver before leaving. Matt opened his mouth about to say something, but Slash stopped him and shooked his head no.
"I don't know," said Dave. "Duff, Scott, are you guys sure you're in good enough shape to finish?"
"You kidding?" said Duff. "I've been in worse shape than this and finished 2 sets! This is nothing!"
"My nose'll stop bleeding in a few minutes," said Scott. "Luckily Axl punches like a 'pansy.' so I'm good."
About 10 minutes later Velvet Revolver went back out. Scott apologized to the crowd for the "ridiculous stunt" and the band finished their set.
"Man, am I glad to get out of there!" said Matt.
Everyone else agreed. Velvet Revolver were in their tour bus traveling to the next date in Glasgow, Scotland. Although they had a good show and greatly appreciated their fans, the 5 men were extremely tired from the night's chaotic events. Fortunately axl and his band were on a different bus so they were bullshit-free for the duration of the ride.
The guys were taking this time to unwind. Scott and Duff were sprawled out half asleep on a couch in the bus, still aching from their wounds. Slash and Matt were sitting across from them. Slash was smoking a cigarette and Matt was fidgeting with a drumstick. Dave was at the back of the bus talking on his cell phone with his wife, retelling the story of the brawl with Guns n Roses.
"So, rough night huh?" asked Slash.
"We're getting too old for that kind of shit," said Duff.
"I can't believe we sunk to his level," said Scott.
"Aw hell," said Matt. "Don't beat yourself up over it Scott. Trust me, Axl was asking for it. I saw how he just came out and punched you and in my opinion tackling him was a pretty good idea."
"I still feel bad," said Scott.
"About getting in the fight?" asked Duff.
"What? No, my nose hurts," said Scott. "I know I said Axl hits wimpy, but it seems to have a lasting effect."
"It'll probably swell," said Slash.
"Hope not," said Scott. "Can we talk about something else?"
"Happily!" blurted out Matt, and he began talking about meeting those 2 girls again after the show.