The bedside clock flashed bold red numbers in his face. Hour after excruciating hour passed by without a word, without a movement. His mind was racing, and his heart was sick. His eyes laid upon the man by his side. Blonde hair covered his chest as Rob slept peacefully, his arm thrown over Izzy's stomach. His fingers ran gently through the long golden strands. He knew Rob was not a peaceful as his mask of sleep made him appear. He knew it. He sighed; the movement causing Rob to groan and adjust himself so that he was no longer so attached to the brunette.
"You look so sweet." He whispered, his fingertips now playing across Rob's reddened cheek. He never woke, his mind worn out. Izzy couldn't get any peace until he knew where he stood, or rather whether he had a chance. He knew it would be hard learning to love someone else, but that may be something he had to do. He knew Rob needed him, and in some part of his being he needed Rob just as much. He needed answers, and the only one who beheld them was Duff.
Just down the hall the two star crossed lovers lay tangled beneath the sheets. Legs were wrapped around hips, arms thrown over chests and stomachs. Blonde stuck to every surface. The sheet was thrown lazily over their nude bodies as the made an attempt at sleeping. Bas's arms held Duff tight to him, almost as if he were afraid to let go,. Duff didn't mind. Bas had been long gone, taken away by slumber, but not Duff. He drifted in and out of consciousness. His fingers laced with Bas's on his stomach, his thumb massaging the singers slender digits. His eyes had just slipped shut when a soft knock filled his ears. Bas stirred.
"It's okay baby, I'll get it." The bassist stood, grabbing a pair of pants from the dresser. He pulled them on, nearly tripping on his way to the door. He expected a fit of laughter from his lover, but the blonde had passed out once again. He pulled the zipper up, not bothering to button the top button.
"This better be good." He grumbled, not even checking to see how many love bites he had. He cracked the door just enough to see Izzy standing there. He turned to tell Bas he'd be back, but soft snoring told him there was no need. He opened the door and stepped out in front of the troubled guitarist.
"Izzy, you okay?" His hands flew to Izzy's shoulders and held him still.
"Can we talk? Maybe go smoke or something." His words were shaky, but a sense of urgency made itself known.
"Something wrong?" The blond was starting to get worried.
"I dont know Duff."
"Why don't you come in real quick while I put some more clothes on, then we can talk."
Izzy shook his head, messy hair flying around his face. "I'll just, uh, stay out here," he licked his lips nervously. "If that's alright with you."
The bassist understood and pushed the door mostly shut before grabbing a shirt and yanking it over his head. He looked around for his jacket while hopping on one foot to pull his boots on, leaving them unlaced. When Bas woke up he had to remember to ask what had happened to his favorite leather coat. Stopping to plant a light kiss on his sleeping lover's brow, he grabbed the only other jacket he'd brought with him and hurried out the door. Izzy was pacing the hallway, hands shaking.
"You ready?"
Duff patted his pockets for his cigarettes and came up with a half squished pack with a smile. "Yep. Come on, Izz." He looped an arm over his friend's shoulder and led them to the cold metal of the stair case. He didn't remove his arm until they'd sat down and both lit up.
Izzy took a deep drag off his cigarette before glancing nervously at Duff. "So, uh, your night went well, I guess?"
Duff nodded but squinted his eyes, looking at something in the distance. "You don't wanna talk about me and Bas, Izz. What's going on? You seem upset about something."
"Is he gonna love you, Duff? Love you as long as I would?" Izzy had looked down, afraid to read the answer in Duff's eyes. Duff stared at his friend for a moment in wonderment before looking down himself. He couldnt say that Bas would love him forever, and he didnt know that Izzy would either.
"I... have to hope so. I mean... I think so." He looked back up at Izzy with the completion of his sentence. The brunette nodded and took a hit from his cigarette.
"I hate him Duff, I hate him for having the guts to do what I never could. I cant tell you what to do--, I just... Fuck I dont know." He was growing frustrated. His hands caught his face as he hid his emotion.
"Hey, c'mere." Duff wrapped an arm around Izzy's shoulders and pulled him close.
"I dont think I can get past it, past you, you've been my life since I knew you and now you're in love and I--." He spoke quickly in the blonde's shoulder, a soothing hand moving up and down his back.
"God I wish you would've said something, before him." Duff kissed the top of his head.
"He can't love you like I do Duff." He mumbled once again into a mass of blonde.
"Izzy---." Duff wasn't sure what to say. He felt bad for his friend, he truly did, but his heart was set on Bas. There was nothing he could do about that. He couldn't change it. "You might be right. He might not love me like you do. But that's a chance I'm willing to take right now." Izzy finally heard it, with his own ears. His eyes grew teary but he refused to cry in front of anyone. Fighting them back he stood, throwing his cigarette over the railing. He wordlessly leaned over the bars, resting his elbows on the cool metal.
"Shit." Duff cursed himself for being the worlds biggest ass hole, but he couldnt change the way he felt. He was in love for the first time in his life and it felt good.
"Is he good to you?" Izzy's calm voice surprised Duff. The brunette never took his eyes off the empty horizon.
"Yeah, he is." Was all he could say. Izzy still didnt move.
"Does he need you?" Was the next question. Duff cocked his head to the side. Izzy sensed the confusion and turned, now leaning his backside against the railing. "Does he really need you?"
"I... I think so." Duff stood, tossing his finished smoke to the ground below. "What are you talking about Izzy?"
"Well, I found someone who needs me, but I dont love him Duff, not like I love you." Duff felt an inward drop in the pit of his stomach. He closed the small gap between them, his hands on the rails to either side of Izzy. The guitarists eyes drawing him over.
"If I cant love you, then maybe," Izzy paused, his finger tips now brushing the taller mans cheek lightly, "maybe in time I can learn to love him." Duff's eyes seemed to tap directly into Izzy's mind. His hand covered the smaller one on his cheek, bringing it to his lips.
"You're beautiful when you're sad." The bassist whispered, knowing this would be the last time he could be like this with Izzy.
"I do love you Duff, and no matter what happens with... him... I'm yours." A weak smile spread across his thin lips as Duff's hand creeped from the rail to his hip.
"Promise?" Their foreheads touched.
"With all my heart." Their lips met, in a passionate embrace for perhaps the last time. All their emotions were exchanged without the use of words. Izzy told the story of his love through his fiery eyes. Hands ran through wild locks of hair, as free hands caressed warm skin. The encounter gained more heat as seconds passed. Duff's tongue gained entry to Izzy's inviting mouth and explored while his hands wandered. When their lips parted, their foreheads touched again. Izzy shivered, the bassists hot breath clashing with his own.
"You're shaking." Duff took Izzy's cold trembling hands into his. Izzy smiled half heartedly and laid his head over on Duff's shoulder taking in the scent of his hair, wanting to remember everything about this moment.
"Rob knows how I feel about you, he knows I cant love him." Whispered Izzy, his breath now steamy in the freezing air. He felt the blonde nod, then draw back.
"Then care for him, go in there and care for him." Izzy nodded and reluctantly broke away from Duff's warm embrace, heading toward the entrance to the building. Duff stood in the same spot, back turned to Izzy and the entrance. He watched his breath disappear into the night. He could only hope that things turned out for the best. If not he was sure he'd missed out on something special. He couldnt deny he loved Izzy, but he couldnt bring himself to say it before. He couldnt utter those words. He also couldnt let this thing end like this. He turned on his heels and spoke the words he knew he had to speak.
"I do love you Izzy." His hands were deep in his pockets, and his heart was in his throat. The brunette froze, his hand on the door knob. He wanted to believe this was for real, but he couldnt. He turned slowly, scanning his vocabulary for the response that would guarantee the safety of his mental health.
"I know." Izzy replied, his eyes lingering for a moment before he turned and disappeared inside the building. Duff felt nauseated. He felt like a total jerk.
He felt like a total jerk. He kicked at the metal railing before going back to his own room. He watched Bas sleeping for a minute before stripping down again and getting in bed next to him. Things didn't seem so bad when he was close to Bas.
Izzy stood outside his hotel room door and tried to calm his racing heart. Duff loved him. It wasn't enough that they could be together. But it gave him hope; gave him something he could look forward to. A reason to keep going. His thoughts mostly in order, he let himself in the room and smiled at the now awake Rob. "Hi."
"Hey," the drummer's voice was husky with sleep. "Where'd ya go?"
"Talk to a friend. Sleep well?"
Rob scrubbed his hands down his face several times before nodding. "Yeah, actually. Better than I have in a long time. Might've been the company." He smiled to show he was half joking/half seriously trying to tell Izzy something without the actual words.
The brunette sat on the bed next to him and idly played with a piece of blond hair. "I'm, um, glad I could help."
"You went to talk to Duff."
Izzy's head snapped up to meet Rob's non-accusing eyes. "Yeah."
"Good. How'd it go?"
"He loves him. I knew that. But he loves me too. I can live with it. Cause maybe I can find someone I can love. Maybe I already have." He slowly leaned forward and placed a light kiss on Rob's lips.
"You don't have to do this, Izzy. I'm not who you really want." The chance to have someone really care for him was tempting but he didn't want it if it didn't mean anything.
Izzy brushed his fingers over Rob's cheekbones in a delicate caress. "You need someone to care for you. And I need someone to care about. We'll be enough for each other."
Rob's eyes slipped closed as he was laid back on the bed, Izzy's lips now firmly pressed against his. He gracefully allowed Izzy's tongue into his warm inviting mouth for exploration. His hands played through the mass of brown locks, then down Izzy's back to sneak under his shirt.
"Rob," Izzy breathed against his neck where he now concentrated, "lets not move too fast." He continued lower to the drummers chest were he took one nipple between his teeth, biting gently.
"Mmm Izzy." Was all he could muster, his hands flying back to the guitarists hair.
"Did you hear me?" He asked once again, now concentrating on the other side.
"Yeah... and I agree." He managed between moans of pleasure.
"Good, so now we agree on something else." The brunette ground his hips against Rob's hip before deciding he'd reached an uncomfortable cut off point. His movements grew tense and Rob could feel it, could see it in the mans eyes. He reached down and touched Izzy's shoulder lightly, just enough to attract his gaze.
"Let me hold you the rest of the night." He whispered, beckoning the gunner upward. Izzy thankfully complied and crawled up into Rob's arms knowing that he was one step closer to caring for him.
Axl woke up to the most delightful feeling. He cracked his eyes against the morning sun coming in through the windows and watched his lover's curly head sliding down his body. He propped up on his elbows only to be shoved back down by one leather encased hand in the middle of his chest. "Since when do you wear gloves to bed?" His voice was still scratchy with sleep.
There was a deep chuckle from the vicinity of his belly button and a warm tongue darted inside. "Since you forgot to take them off of me last night."
The redhead had to concentrate to think if that was true or not and his brain was not functioning yet. "Oh. Did I?"
"Yep." Slash moved lower to the erection that was forming and gave it a light teasing lick, making Axl squirm. "Hold still."
"Fuck you, how the hell am I supposed to be still when you're doing that?"
Again with that throaty laugh. But then he was doing other things with his mouth and throat and Axl couldn't breathe anymore. He tangled his fingers in all those curls and tried to guide his lovers head in a rhythm that pleased him but Slash was having none of it. The singer moaned in frustration when he wouldn't speed up any and yanked on the black hair in his fingers. Slash was unfazed by the show of "force" and continued to lazily run his mouth up and down the length of Axl's cock, his gloved hands holding the slim pale hips still.
"Jesus fucking Christ would you hurry up?!?" Axl was about to shove Slash off of him and finish the job up with his hand.
Slash finally lifted his head to look up at the stormy green eyes. "Patience, Axl."
"Fuck patience. Fuck me." Axl demanded.
"Do you ever get enough?" Slash grinned, his leather encased fingers playing across Axl's taught stomach.
"Of you? Hell no." Replied the singer, a smile not unlike Slash's now present on his full pouty lips. Slash chuckled before returning his attention to his lovers straining erection. His tongue darted out to the head tasting precum.
"Mmm baby." Axl's eyes slipped shut and his fingers found themselves entangled in Slash's wild raven curls. He hissed through clenched teeth when he felt his length being swallowed by a now hungry Slash. The guitarist drug his teeth up and down Axl's hardness as he created a rhythm, quick and hard. Axl's hips arched up off the bed, driving him deeper, nearly gagging the darker man. He glanced up, almost spewing his own load at the sight of red hair stuck to a sweaty chest, eyes clenched shut so tight that tears rolled down his cheeks, lips parted slightly, and fingers pulling his hair. He moaned around the organ in his mouth, not even realizing what it did to Axl.
"Holy... fuck." Axl panted, his body almost losing control. His mind already had. He took the handful of curls and yanked upward, forcing Slash to move or lose some hair. The guitarist loved the rough treatment and gladly crawled up his lovers body, stopping to bite his neck just enough to add another love bite to the mass. Axl's nails drug down the larger mans back, leaving red marks behind them. Slash moaned and buried his face in Axl's shoulder, but not for long. His hair was yanked back again, this time so that he was looking directly into Axl's eyes.
"You cheap fuck." The red head grinned before crushing Slash's lips with his own. He felt leather snaking between their bodies to grip his cock once again.
"Cum for me Axl, come on baby." Slash taunted jerking forcefully on the aching organ. Axl growled and arched his neck, giving Slash the perfect opportunity for another bite. The leather on his flushed skin, the teeth sinking into his flesh, it was all too much. Axl cried out in pleasure as his orgasm rocked him. He spilled out onto Slash's stomach, his nails digging deeper into his shoulders. Blood began to seep around his fingers and Slash knew it. He felt the stickiness on his stomach but he didnt care. Axl kept his eyes closed, his body still weak from his intense orgasm. He absent mindedly reached down and returned the favor, his nails coated in blood. It didnt take him long to finish Slash off, his seed joining the redheads on his stomach.
"Jesus fucking christ." Slash whispered, his lips falling to Axl's neck, his body now exhausted.
"I love you Slash, I mean it." Came Axl's breathy voice. He'd kicked into lover mode and out of slut. His touch was gentle and tender. His slender fingers now stroked the crazy curls instead of pulling them.
"I love you too, I dont know why but I do." Replied the guitarist rolling off his lover and wiping his stomach clean with the sheet. Axl cringed, imagining the hotel maids reaction to washing those sheets. Slash grinned and stood. The two's modesty had long since been gone. He wandered around the room in all his naked glory, grabbing a bottle of JD from the mini bar and his pack of cigarettes before returning to the bed. Axl grinned and snatched the bottle, downing half of it in one gulp. When he finished he looked to Slash and wiped the back of his hand across his mouth.
"Wow." Slash mouthed.
"Thought you might wanna get me drunk and rape me later or something." Axl shook the bottle before downing the rest of the strong liquor. Slash abandoned his smokes and snatched the empty bottle, tossing it across the room.
"Shower, now." He drawled grabbing the singers and and practically dragging him toward the bathroom.
"And You said I never get enough?" Axl's green eyes sparkled as he was shoved against the bathroom wall.
"Just shut up and kiss me." Slash grinned, his cheesyness level now off the charts. Their lips were joined in a matter of seconds and the couple stumbled toward the shower. Axl turned long enough to shove the
shower curtain back, and almost jumped into Slash's arms.
"STEVEN?!?" He shouted angrily when his eyes focused on the blonde sleeping peacefully in the tub. He stirred and rubbed his eyes, Slash grabbing towels and shoving one in Axl's face.
"Morning." Came a groggy reply from the drummer.
"What in Gods name are you doing?!?" Slash fastened his towel around his waist. The blonde raised up, several empty bottles clanging against the porcelain. The two men could smell the alcohol from where they were standing.
"Steven, would you get your ass outta the tub? I wanna take a shower!" Slash was glowering down at their drummer.
The drunk stood up with some major effort, a smirk plastered on his face. "Axl gonna stay and watch...just in case your nipple starts itching again?"
Both men's jaws dropped at the comment. Axl started forward, a nasty look on his face, but Slash stopped him with one arm outstretched. "Steven, just get outta the damn tub."
The blond tried to lift his foot over the edge of the porcelain but he stumbled and almost fell on his face. Slash reached out and saved him from a broken nose, or worse, catching him in his arms. "Help me get him to a bed," he grunted at Axl. The redhead grabbed one arm and together they heaved the still inebrieated drummer out of the bathroom.
Rob woke up and stretched within the confines of Izzy's light embrace. It felt good to wake up next to the same someone twice in a row. He glanced up to see those dark eyes watching him, not as sad as they'd been the night before. "Morning."
Izzy nodded, a small smile playing around his lips. "Morning." The two men got up slowly and stretched their muscles loose before looking around the room. Rob got up to pick up the jacket he'd worn the night before and hang it over a chair, the keys falling to the floor. Izzy looked over at the noise and a grin spread over his face. "Are those...?" He picked up the keys and saw a silver keychain of a coiled snake that he'd know anywhere. "These are Slash's keys. How'd they get in your jacket?"
Rob shrugged. "I told you, it's not mine. I just found it on the bus."
Izzy inspected further and realized that the jacket was Duff's. "Someone must've put the keys in his jacket. He must've given it to Bas or something." A small pang on jealously speared through him but he stomped it back down with determination. "Let's go give Slash his keys back. He's been hollering for them for days."
Rob nodded and they went over to Slash's room, not bothering to knock.
"Dammit, Steven! A little help here! You're fucking heavy, dude."
Izzy and Rob shot each other confused looks and went to see what was going on. When they got to the bathroom they saw Steven being propped up by Axl and Slash, a very naked in only towels Axl and Slash, while they tried to drag him from the bathtub. They managed to get him to the bathroom door before Steven lifted his head and smiled drunkenly at Izzy and Rob. "Hey guys! Wanna drink?" He held up a half empty bottle of vodka.
Rob cringed, hating even the sight of the liquid. Izzy smiled and shoved the bottle out of his face. Rob stayed well behind Izzy, feeling quite uncomfortable in the presence of most of the GNR members. Izzy glanced behind him, Rob shooting him a weak smile.
"Dammit Steven, would you use your legs!" Axl cursed as the drummer slumped even further.
"Hey, what's... umm..." Slash nodded in the direction of the silent blonde.
"He's gonna be, umm, hanging out with us for a while." Izzy's fingers ran through his tussled brown hair, his eyes low. Slash's eyes moved from the Skid member to Izzy, knowing something was up.
"Something came up and--," Izzy fumbled through his vocabulary for the right words to explain that he and Rob were together.
"If it's a problem, I can go." Rob spoke up taking a few steps toward the men. Axl eyed him, then looked to Slash as Steven laid his head to the side, drooling on the red heads shoulder.
"It's not a problem Rob. Rob and me are... umm," Izzy paused and blew a deep sigh, his hands returning to his hair once again, "we're... fuck it." He reached behind him and took Rob's hand, pulling him to stand beside of him.
"We're... together." He finally uttered the words. Axl's chin hit the floor, for the second time that morning. Slash grinned and adjusted the drunkard on his shoulder.
"Not a problem." The guitarist patted Izzy's shoulder with his free hand and nodded at Axl, wanting this man off him. Rob sent a warm smile that said thank you for caring to Izzy. Izzy winked and stuck his hand in his pocket, remembering the set of keys. He fished around until he found them, pulling them out as best he could. Tight denim was hard to store things in.
"Lose something Slash?" Izzy asked just before he dangled the set of silver keys in front of Slash's face.
"AH! My keys!!" Slash broke away from Steven and snatched the keys, Axl collapsing under Stevens weight, both of them landing on the floor. Slash completely ignored the cluttered mass of metal men as he walked away from them, mesmerized by his keys.
"Where were these?!?" He asked shaking them at Izzy.
"In Duff's jacket pocket all along, Bas had the jacket..." Izzy trailed off, leaving the sentence open for Slash's imagination.
"Bas had Duff's...Ohhh... "
"Dammit Slash!! Get him off me!!" Axl shouted from the floor, shoving Steven's head off his shoulder with both hands.
"Yeah." Izzy's eyes flew to Rob who knew exactly how Izzy felt about that subject.
"Steeeven!!!" The redhead growled, giving up and laying there beneath a hammered drummer.
"Shit." Slash grinned and hurried over to grab Steven's arm, dragging him off the singer.
"Sorry babe--- I mean," Slash cleared his throat, glancing over his shoulder, "Axl." Rob caught the slip of the tongue, but Izzy didnt. He chose not to dwell on it. Slash pulled his lover from the floor, fighting the urge to kiss his forehead when he did.
Izzy and Rob left Slash and Axl alone to deal with Steven. The brunette pulled Rob outside the room and wrapped him in a tight hug. "That felt good."
"What?" Rob rested his chin on Izzy's shoulder, breathing in his unique scent.
"Tell them about us. Not having to hide. Being with someone. It all feels good." He traced the line of Rob's lips with his finger before leaning up to kiss him. They heard a door open from further down the hall but neither man wanted to break the sweet contact.
Duff froze as he watched Izzy and Rob kissing, locked in what looked like a tender embrace. It did funny things to his chest, making it constrict in an almost painful way. Bas came out of the room behind him and he heard the soft chuckle. "Glad to see Rob's finally getting laid. He's way to tense. Duff?" The tall singer saw the stiffness in his lover's back. "You alright?"
"Yeah. Let's just go. Damn I'm hungry." He linked his fingers with Bas's and with one last glance at the kissing men, turned and walked away.
THE END