Waiting
on a Wishing Star
- David J.
Landers
Saturday,
August 31st
“Let’s go look for a wishing star!” She says, amber eyes lit up like the prophetic rogue that she wants
to find.
“Ok…”
Hesitancy fills my voice. I don’t
know what a wishing star is.
“You do
know what a wishing star is, don’t you?” She says, apparently reading my mind.
“Not really…”
“Not really?
Is that a ‘no’?” She asks, and raises an eyebrow the same way she does
every time that I say or do something truly ignorant.
“Yeah. That’s a ‘no.’”
I really don’t care what a wishing
star is. I’d go watch the grass grow
with her if she asked me to; if that would make her happy; if that’s what would
make her want to be with me.
“You’re hopeless… Here, I’ll show you.” She grabs my hand, dragging me down the
stairs and out her front door. We both
lay down on the driveway, side by side; hands intertwined.
“Ok…” She says “What you do is ask
the stars a ‘yes or no’ question. If you
see a wishing star, the answer is ‘yes’.
Get it?”
“A wishing star?”
“A comet!”
“Ohhh…
Ok…” More hesitancy. I feel like an idiot, but that’s ok. I’m willing to feel like an idiot if that
would make her happy.
“Ok…” She says “Ask a
question.”
“Ummm…” I keep my mouth shut and mull for a
moment. I know what I want to ask, but I
don’t know how to ask it. And I think
I’m scared that I’ll either get a no… or a yes…
or that I’ll actually believe what the stars tell me.
“You can’t think of a
question?” She asks, talking to me like
the idiot that I really am. “Just start
with something easy.”
“Why don’t you start?” I ask “That way, I can think of a question
while we’re waiting for your answer.”
“Ok, fine.” She says; hesitates less than a moment, then
asks “Should I look into my family lineage more? Should I try to find my step-brothers and
sisters?” I look at her and, as if to
clarify to either me or to the stars, she elaborates. “My father’s other
children… that I’ve never met before.” I
nod. That’s a good question.
Less than a minute later, we see
something streak across the sky. A glimpse of hope. A frozen opportunity.
I utter an expletive in my head, because I still haven’t thought of a
question to ask.
“Yay!” Mandy
says ‘yay’ a lot when she’s happy. “Ok. Your question…”
“Ummm…” I remain silent for a minute or so. All the questions that I want to ask would
sound so stupid. Why am I here? Do I have a pre-destined purpose on this
planet? Am I important? Do Mandy and I
belong together? She breaks the silence.
“I’m freezing.” She says.
I take off my treasured navy hoodie and hold
it out to her. Now I’m going to freeze, but I’d gladly go through low-tech cryogenics
if that would make her happy.
“Thanks.”
She says “You still haven’t asked a question.”
“I know… Ummm…”
“‘Ummm…’
is not a question.”
“Ok, I’ve got one.” I say and take a
deep breath as if I’m about to dive into the ocean. “Is life going to get any easier?” We lay there for a minute… A few more; I fidget. “I guess that’s a ‘no,’ huh?”
“Guess so.” She says.
“Well that sucks...”
Apparently that’s funny. Mandy laughs, and I
laugh in agreement. She sighs and puts
her head on my shoulder.
“We really make a great
couple.” She says. My heart skips a beat or two, and then rushes
to catch up. I wasn’t aware that she
considered us a ‘couple,’ but I’m sure as hell glad that she does.
“Yeah.” I agree.
“I mean… I still have feelings for John, but I think
we would go really well together.” I
hate it when she brings up his name, but by now, I’ve learned to grit my teeth
and take it like a man.
“Yeah.” I reply “Well, I think we’re really good for
each other, too. But if you still have
feelings for John, I guess you should probably figure out what’s going on
there.” A few moments of silence, and,
finally, she nods.
“I really want to be with you.
But not yet.
I don’t know… I’m really confused right now. You caught me at a very difficult time in my
life.”
“Take your time, Mandy.” I say “All I’ve got is time.”
“Ok…” she says “I’m going to ask
another question.”
“Alright.” That’s all I can say. She looks up to the sky and asks her
question. “Should I abandon John and go
after this relationship with Dave?”
Within a few seconds, another comet crosses the sky, a bold and
definitive ‘YES!’ A smile crosses my
face.
“Sweet…” I say. That sums up everything that I’m thinking.
“Wow.” She says “That was a quick response.”
“Yeah.”
“Ok…
You get one more question.” I’m
still scared as hell of asking the question that I really wanted to ask, but, after a minute of silence, I finally get
the guts to say it.
“Well… I was just wondering if we are meant to be togeth…”
Before I can finish, she lets out one of those squeaks that she makes every
time she is really happy.
“Holy shit, did you see that?!?” She exclaims “It was
huge! The wishing star went across the
sky before you could even finish your question.”
“Wow…” I don’t know what to say. “Rock on.”
We lay there in silence, both of us
happier than either had been in quite some time. Ten minutes passed in silence, and we just
held each other. I had almost fallen
asleep when she broke it.
“I have to go in now… It’s time for me to go to bed.”
“K…
That’s probably a good idea. I’m
tired, too.”
“G’Night,
Dave.” She stretches out her arms and we
hold each other. “Call me tomorrow, ok?”
“Sure.” I say.
We rock each other to the point of hypnotism. Neither of us wants to let go, but a few
minutes later, we do. We hold hands for
another minute, and then tear ourselves away from each other. It’s not easy to do.
“Good night, Mandy. I’ll talk to you tomorrow, ok?”
“Ok.” She says “Good night.” She crawls under the half-open garage door
and hits the button to close it. I walk
backwards to my car and open the door with a creek. A few seconds later, I’m driving home with a
smile.”
Friday,
September 20th
“You don’t know who Humphrey Bogart
is?!?” Mandy exclaims in shocked bewilderment.
“Well…” I defend myself “I’ve heard of him, but I’ve never seen any of his
movies.”
“I can’t believe that! And you call yourself a movie lover?”
“Ummm… Well…”
Why is she yelling at me about Humphrey Bogart? “I like movies, but I never actually claimed to be a movie expert.”
“But still…” she trails off and just
shakes her head.
The past few weeks had been great
between the two of us. We’ve had a few
great nights out, a few great nights in, and some great conversations. Things were looking better than they ever had
between us, but she’s in a bad mood tonight.
She and her mother had another fight earlier today. Unfortunately, I had already been too much of
a wimp to ask her out several times, and I had convinced myself earlier that it
was now or never. Tonight was the night
that I would lose my single-ness. I’m
too stubborn for my own good… Mandy and
I sit in silence for a few minutes.
“Hey, Mandy?” I ask.
“Yeah?”
“Ummm… I have something I want to ask you, but I’m
really, really nervous.”
“What?”
“Well…” I said “I wanted to ask you out
tonight.” She doesn’t say anything, so I
elaborate. “I mean, I think we’re great together, and I really just want to be
with you. You know? I care about you a lot.”
“What?”
“This is me attempting to ask you
out in my own weird way.” Maybe she didn’t get it the first time.
“Dave…” she says, “I don’t
know…” My proverbial jaw drops to the
ground.
“Wow… That’s not exactly the answer I was hoping for, but
ok.”
“Well what were you expecting?”
“Ummm… Well…
Amanda talked to me… And told me
that you told her you wanted me to
ask you out. And Greg told me about your
conversation about the same thing. I
just kind of figured that… since you told both your best friend and my best
friend that you wanted to go out with me…
That you’d probably say ‘yes.’”
“Greg told you what I said?!?”
“Well, yeah. He’s my best friend. It’s his job to, isn’t it?” We sit in silence once again. “Hey…
Can we go outside? It’s a little
warm in here.”
“Yeah, sure.” She says.
We go downstairs and out the door, silent. Each of us preparing
ourselves for anything.
“Wow. It got
cold out here.” She says. I nod, take
off my treasured grey hoodie, and hand it over. “Thanks.” She says.
“Yeah. No problem.”
We sit down on the driveway, the same driveway that gave me my first
glimpse into a false future. She lays
down, putting her head in my lap, and looks up at the stars.
“I wish things weren’t so difficult.” She says.
“I know exactly what you mean…” An elongated moment
of silence fills the air.
“I’m going to ask again…” She mutters.
“Huh?”
“Oh. Did I
say that out loud? I just asked the
stars if I should be with you, or if I should stay single.”
“This doesn’t really seem like something you should
leave up to the stars…” I say.
“I always
ask the stars for help when I don’t know what to do.”
“Oh, ok.”
More silence, but I don’t mind.
“Oh poop!”
She says. I laugh. That sounds like something my mom would say.
“What’s the ‘Oh poop’ about?” I ask.
“I just saw one…” She says “Right after I asked if
I should stay single.”
“Ohhh… That is
an ‘Oh poop’ situation.” I’m not
laughing any more, and I really don’t know what to say to show her that,
sometimes, the stars can lie. Even
wishing stars…
“I’m going to try again…” She says “Should I stay single?”
Nothing.
“Ok… Should
I do what I want to or what I should do?”
Nothing.
“Maybe I need to be more specific.” She says “Should I go out with Dave?”
A comet streaks across the sky after a moment of
nothingness. My eyes are beginning to
droop. I can feel the bags getting
baggier. And Mandy squeaks.
“Best two out of three, ok?”
“Sure.” I
say.
“Ok. Last question. Should
I stay single or go out with Dave? If
the wishing star goes ‘up,’ I go out with you.
If it is going ‘down,’ I stay single.”
I don’t know what to say. Plus,
I’m starting to get really tired, so I keep my trap shut. Nothing crosses the sky; five minutes pass in
silence.
“Don’t leave this up to me… Please…” She says, desperation beginning to fill her
voice. I look over at her. Desperation is filling her eyes, too. She sits up, and a tear drops from her eye as
she sniffles and wipes her nose on my hoodie. But I don’t mind. I’d be happy to let her use my most treasured
possession as a snot-rag if that’s what would make her happy. I reach over and wipe the tear away with my
thumb.
“Hey… It’s ok,
Mandy.” We hold each other. “Take your time, alright? I mean…
I really do want to be with
you, but I don’t need an answer tonight.”
“But still…
I want to say yes.” She says
“I just don’t know if I can.”
“It’s alright…”
I say “Hey. It’s three in the
morning. I better take off.”
“Dave?”
“Yeah?”
“I’ll come up with an answer soon, ok? And I’m going to come up with the answer
that’s best for both of us, ok?”
“Ok.” I say
“I really have to go.”
“Alright.”
We hold each other for a while longer,
exchange our final kiss, and part ways.
As a man, I’m not allowed to look back, but I do; all I see is Mandy,
fading into the distance; fate foretold by the stars. I drop my head and go home.
- The End -