* * * * *
Do you want the heavy book that’s light on information, or the light book that’s heavy on information?
* * * * *
The Pope said a lot of things that were not-nice; the Crusades themselves were not-nice.
* * * * *
Roman emperors were chosen, were elected, and were assassinated with disturbing frequency.
* * * * *
The Roman Catholic Church came out of the Crusades...smelly.
* * * * *
It doesn’t bode well if the king who’s making all the decisions would rather be hunting or playing with locks.
* * * * *
That, of course, is rumor, and I only said it to get your attention.
* * * * *
...and study hard. That will serve you well...in every subject but math. But who cares about Math?
* * * * *
Contagious or bleeding, you can’t stay in my class.
* * * * *
Look, she’s leaving her books, so she must be coming back! If I were her, I wouldn’t come back to this class...
* * * * *
Do you know how Louis XIV became the most absolute ruler? He was a workaholic.
* * * * *
These assignments won’t count towards your grade. If your paper is missing a mark...it’s because I didn’t want to assign a mark.
* * * * *
Unfortunately, Lous XVI spent more time playing with locks than ruling France.
* * * * *
If I wanted to overturn our principal, no one will follow me if I say “Let’s kill him.”
* * * * *
It’s the second act of rebellion, and no one’s bled yet.
* * * * *
...and you’re going to change France for the better! Then you find the door’s locked.
* * * * *
...and they dance on the bridge, drunk. Then some of them fall because the bridge only goes halfway.
* * * * *
And they fought this minor battle called the American Revolution.
* * * * *
Well, they drive on the wrong side of the road, so their government is different, too!
* * * * *
How can you stay intendant? Either be loyal, or be crooked like — but don’t get caught.
* * * * *
It’s not stealing! It’s just using photocopies creatively.
* * * * *
Montesquieu was different from most aristocrats. First of all, he was educated. He had a brain and he used it.
* * * * *
When discussing absolutism, don’t use the term absolute. That’s like calling science the study of science.
* * * * *
Remember how I said Louis XIV was a workaholic? Louis XV and XVI were playaholics.
* * * * *
(before a test)
Is everyone praying to their deity of choice?
* * * * *
Confiscate is a fancy way of saying stealing.
* * * * *
The old people are raising chickens or whatever, and the new people are a bit whacko...
* * * * *
Louis XVI was slow, but he wasn’t stupid, you know!
* * * * *
Student: When was Marie Antoinette beheaded?
Teacher: Not yet!
* * * * *
These guys are fiery extremists.
These guys are worse.
* * * * *
We have a bunch of rookies that don’t know how to run a country, and now they’re running a war!
* * * * *
. . . In other words, everything goes nuts.
* * * * *
For...oh, about a year, they spend their time murdering people.
* * * * *
Ironically, they TRIED to kill him, and they missed!
* * * * *
“18th Brumaire, Year 8” We haven’t abolished that rotten calendar yet. Don’t worry, Napoleon will deal with it.
* * * * *
Which successfully stops their charge, because when you’re dead, you can’t run anymore!
* * * * *
So now Napoleon is planning to invade Britain, but he doesn’t have any ships to do it with. 22 miles is a long swim.
* * * * *
I want every question on a seperate sheet, and don’t write on the back...I hate trees.
* * * * *
Portugal was strongly allied with Britain. You know the British, they need their Sherry!
* * * * *
This is not what you’d call prime real estate. It’s a rock in the South Atlantic.
* * * * *
Over my dead body will you remove me from my...hovel.
* * * * *
Napoleon did not use intendants, he used prefects. But what’s in a name?
* * * * *
He abolished all the really whacko ideas of the French Revolution, like that nutty calendar —’s still using.
* * * * *
A Radical is a Liberal in a hurry.
* * * * *
Luddites had a simple response to all the new factories being built; they burned them.
* * * * *
(A Luddite’s attitude towards machines...)
We must take up our baseball bats and destroy them!
* * * * *
Teacher: Do you have blood pressure?
Student: That’s what they tell me.
* * * * *
Student: I have a clock with Roman numerals!
Teacher: Then you can’t tell time.
* * * * *
Teacher: Don’t forget to copy down the spelling words...
Student: I can spell!
Teacher: Oh no you can’t!
* * * * *
He was a good teacher; I hated him.
* * * * *
No, we’re not done killing the capitalists. They’re writhing in agony, but they’re not dead yet.
* * * * *
There are no stupid questions, only stupid people.
* * * * *
Teacher: If you take out a calculator (to divide by two), I throw something HEAVY!
Student: Like a calculator?
Teacher: No, like my OVERHEAD!
* * * * *
You know, you wouldn’t have to ask what I said if your mouths weren’t moving.
* * * * *
Karl Marx presented a theory. A theory with big enough holes to drive a Mack truck through.
* * * * *
Have any questions? Those of you who are still here and not off doing something?
* * * * *
Teacher: What did you write on Otto Van Bismark?
Student: He had a pointy hat.
* * * * *
Bismark didn’t bother with trivia like...morality.
* * * * *
Teacher: It’s getting too German!
Student: It’s never too German.
* * * * *
Teacher: She doesn’t trust me.
Student: Of course not. You’re an authority figure.
* * * * *
Let’s give the socialists what they want so they’ll shut up!
* * * * *
I stole that book, and I want to keep it!
* * * * *
Oh, sure, let’s blame the teacher...
* * * * *
Student: May I sharpen my pencil?
Teacher: Sure, go ahead. Next time, though, just prick your figure and write in blood.
* * * * *
So you have the Kaizer and Chancellor Otto Van Bismarck. Oh yeah, there’s a Parliament, too. They meet sometimes.
* * * * *
Teacher: Am I keeping you awake?
Student: Yeah.
Teacher: Do you want me to talk quieter?
* * * * *
You are reading the Bismarck notes. You are not talking.
* * * * *
There were no elephants in the Schleiffen Plan.
* * * * *
Meanwhile, the Austrians were gleefully beating up the Serbians.
* * * * *
No, don’t bother giving me that book’s definition of socialism; it’s bound to be slanted.
* * * * *
No, you can’t have the tests back, because I can’t find them!
* * * * *
Someone got the plans, and leaked them to Germany. Some spies, most probably; they did their jobs quite well...
* * * * *
Did you say the trenches were like houses? Not like my house...
* * * * *
Singapore was a British colony. What do you think they did?
* * * * *
They (blimps) couldn’t fly if it was very foggy, very windy, very rainy. That rules out most of British weather...
* * * * *
(after spending about half an hour discussing causes of WWI)
Teacher: Can we move on to the war?
Student: What war?
Teacher: . . . could somebody please kill him?
* * * * *
They were reduced to patrol boats for catching smugglers. Kind of like the Canadian Navy...
* * * * *
Late Student: I’m dead, aren’t I?
Teacher: You’re deceased.
* * * * *
Something that goes on for five months is not _a_ battle.
* * * * *
(after hearing about the Open Diplomacy policy)
Student: Bismarck must have been spinning in his grave.
Teacher: Bismarck? He would have been doing the whirling dervish act.
* * * * *
Student: How do you get this working?
Teacher: Make a sacrifice to the right god.
* * * * *
Yes, it’s a stupid little sea.
* * * * *
Is there a connection? You bet!
* * * * *
If you don’t know November 11, I’ll have you shot.
* * * * *
(On the Great Depression)
When Uncle Sam sneezed, the world caught pneumonia.
* * * * *
Does anyone understand that thought process?
* * * * *
Just ignore him, folks, that won’t be on the test.
* * * * *
Student: Are you out to get anybody?
Teacher: Yes, I’m out to get anyone who doesn’t study.
* * * * *
This is not a sentence! There is no verb!
* * * * *
I mean, there were Americans who DIED in WWI. Quite a shock.
* * * * *
Build sandbags, not a trench. I don’t want you digging holes in my tabletop.
* * * * *
I’d wish you luck, but you don’t need luck. You need knowledge.
* * * * *
For the Cuban Missile Crisis, you need to establish where Cuba is.
* * * * *
You know, you make a good argument for mercy killing.
* * * * *
They (Nihilists) wanted to effect change by killing people and breaking things.
* * * * *
They weren’t into recreational drugs, they were into Vodka.
* * * * *
They didn’t have a lot of happy farmers. That’s where the Vodka comes in.
* * * * *
They (Communists) started in 1917. And when the Soviet Union collapsed in 1990, they were still working on it.
* * * * *
Student: I don’t think I have it done.
Teacher: Aren’t you sure?
* * * * *
When your reign begins with your father getting blown away before your eyes, you tend to become a control freak.
* * * * *
Wilhelm II wasn’t indecisive, he was just a twit.
* * * * *
I’m ignoring you today, Rylan; in my mind, you are not here.
* * * * *
If you use the word quasi, I’m throwing something.
* * * * *
The peasants were angry, and the proletariat were angry, because they were conscripted and they tended to die a lot.
* * * * *
So, the government is the Czar, his wife, and Rasputin. So, you go from big idiot, to bigger idiot, to biggest idiot.
* * * * *
(Explaining how to spell Leningrad)
Teacher: ...and “grad”, as in what you may do next year.
Student: Not Rylan!
* * * * *
They (Russia) DO have telegraphs. Sometimes they even work.
* * * * *
Well, that’s because Lenin was politically correct.
* * * * *
Peace, Bread, and Land, or whatever order those dumb words were in.
* * * * *
Teacher: Could you stop playing with that boa?
Student: Can I wear it?
Teacher: Sure, you can wear it. Has anyone got a camera?
* * * * *
Teacher: Would you stop with the food shortages?
Student: Not ‘till it’s right.
* * * * *
...thank you, just hit him frequently.
* * * * *
Mau? Why’re we in China now?
* * * * *
But there was only one legal party, so when you went to vote, you could vote for your favorite communist.
* * * * *
Yeah, Lenin died, that’s why his body is in that tomb.
* * * * *
I can’t answer your question because of all the ignorant people who are talking.
* * * * *
Blame everything on Nicholas II; he was there for all the good things.
* * * * *
They used to colour Britain and all of its colonies pink. It was a very pink map.
* * * * *
The colour of communism, whether you like it or not, is red.
* * * * *
It’s not cowardice, it’s appeasement.
* * * * *
Far be it from me to argue with dentists.
* * * * *
They were first. They go down in the Guiness Book of World Records.
* * * * *
Imperialism. Do you remember that word? If not...die.
* * * * *
Rapunzel. Does that have ANY relevance at all?
* * * * *
I don’t think they knew there was a Great Depression in the gold book.
* * * * *
Everyone and their dog had their own way of procuring illegal booze.
* * * * *
Teacher: You know the Americans, they love to make acronyms out of everything.
Student: Because they can’t spell?
* * * * *
Loudspeaker: Excuse the interruption...
Teacher: NO!
* * * * *
The US was controlling too large a percentage of the world economy, just like they still are...AHEM.
* * * * *
He (Mussolini) wanted to create the best military force man has known. Well, they had pretty uniforms...
* * * * *
Teacher: It’s kind of like why everyone in Canada hates Toronto.
Student 1: I don’t hate Toronto.
Student 2: I like Toronto!
Teacher: ...okay, not quite everyone.
* * * * *
But now people are more aware, having learned about the Great Depression in their High School History classes.
* * * * *
I should stop for one minute before crashing the stock market.
* * * * *
If you take the wheels off the tank, the tank don’t go nowhere.
* * * * *
You know, countries always act like little kids.
* * * * *
Prohibition was the law everyone loved to break.
* * * * *
You weren’t listening, so you don’t deserve the knowledge.
* * * * *
They got drunk and decided to overthrow the government of Bavaria.
* * * * *
Don’t throw any money that will hurt me. Paper only.
* * * * *
Between “The” and “Leader”, there are a bunch of unheard adjectives.
* * * * *
I must have had a German English teacher...
* * * * *
But he had one and a half feet in the grave anyway.
* * * * *
He said it would last 1000 years. How’s your math? It fell a bit short.
* * * * *
It was teaching how the Arian Race was better than anyone else, scientifically. With made-up science.
* * * * *
What Spain becomes in WWII is a place for both sides to send their spies to.
* * * * *
They’re a bit touchy on that subject; you can’t land in German airports if you’re going to help Warsaw.
* * * * *
Their (Poland’s) army was mostly infantry and cavalry. Cavalry were very useful in the Middle Ages.
* * * * *
When you drop bombs helter-skelter, you’re going to hit SOMETHING.
* * * * *
That wasn’t how WWII was going, but they didn’t know that.
* * * * *
When you fly down the funnel, and make your plane explode, yeah, you die.
* * * * *
Is anyone absent? Speak up if you’re absent.
* * * * *
You are being glared at.
* * * * *
Student: But Stalin never cared about killing his army before, so...
* * * * *
When I say we have to talk, it means I’m going to talk, and you’re going to listen.
* * * * *
Then don’t voote, and be apathetic like half the Canadian Electorate.
* * * * *
I think most of us take <Student> to be a figment of our imagination.
* * * * *
Teacher: It’s so much easier to take attendance when you aren’t moving targets.
Student: We need smart bombs.
* * * * *
Doesn’t that kind of blow a hole in the definition of Neutrality?
* * * * *
Oh, yes, paranoia was Stalin’s middle name. That’s why he had all those Purges in the Thirties.
* * * * *
I think what the Afghans called it isn’t really translatable.
* * * * *
Student: And as everyone else before me has mentioned...
* * * * *
Nixon, on the other hand, slithered out and emerged as pure as fresh snow; I’m not sure how...
* * * * *
For those that are still writing, FINISH!
* * * * *
Student: So, did people do well or poorly?
Teacher: Yes.
* * * * *
It looked like a war, it walked like a war, it talked like a war, but it wasn’t a war. It was a police action.
* * * * *
The armistice signed in 1953 is the longest truce in military history.
* * * * *
She doesn’t talk to us, she just talks to you.
* * * * *
When I inherited this classroom, I asked who was the idiot who put that blackboard there. I was given her name, actually...
* * * * *
I really like their government, because on all of their official papers, their president is a dead man.
* * * * *
I’m the one who gets to be nasty, not you!
* * * * *
It’s a violent card game, I’m very good at it.
* * * * *
Tarbish? Sounds like something I put out on Tuesday mornings.
* * * * *
Teacher: You’re in Mr. Bellefleur’s class, right?
Student: Yeah, but God knows he won’t do attendance.
* * * * *
Teacher: No! No! No! I am not turning that computer back on!
Student: You’re absent.
Late Student: Okay.
* * * * *
Student: You can’t expect an invasion to go very well if you’re sinking your own ships on coral reefs.
* * * * *
Student: They were like normal planes, but they had cameras in them!
Teacher: They were called “Spy Planes”.
* * * * *
You know, it’s all right to spy, as long as you don’t get caught.
* * * * *
Goodness, you couldn’t see their (US) face for the egg!
* * * * *
Student: Love inflation, wonderful inflation!
* * * * *
(On Vangaurd, a rocket that exploded)
It went the wrong way.
* * * * *
The Americans are all altruistic and scientific, and don’t want weapons? Don’t be so naive.
* * * * *
Student: When they made it (Sputnik) beep, was it just to annoy the Americans?
* * * * *
In 100 hours, Iraq’s army went from the 4th largest in the world to the second largest in Iraq.
* * * * *
If in doubt, don’t.
* * * * *
Because the colouring in of dots isn’t worth much.
* * * * *
That’s the beauty of history; you can say anything as long as you argue it right.
* * * * *
(On Hypothetical)
You kind of have to say it without thinking.
* * * * *
Don’t learn it, whatever you do!
* * * * *
...just call him Mussolini Caesar.
* * * * *
This is not his best plan.
* * * * *
Britain and France have a vested interest in Africa, because they own most of it.
* * * * *
Bad little country. Shouldn’t have done that.
* * * * *
It is also considered to be an example of wimpiness on the part of the League of Nations.
* * * * *
The “volunteers” from the German and Italian air forces. The Germans were better.
* * * * *
Student: Could YOU be a good totalitarian dictator?
Teacher: ...yes.
* * * * *
Student: Did the trains run on time?
Teacher: The Japanese trains? They better. If not, they shot the engineers.
* * * * *
You have this wonderful thing called a textbook. In fact, you have two!
* * * * *
It starts in Bulgaria; make that Bavaria. I’m sorry, I just get told it’s Bulgaria so often.
* * * * *
Student: What am I bid that school is closed tomorrow?
* * * * *
No, in Russia, they shot people who did that.
* * * * *
Don’t do that. Never footnote your teacher.
* * * * *
It’s interesting to note that Afghanistan is not on the earth.
* * * * *
Student: The length of the two wars was dramatically different. Afghanistan was 10 years, Vietnam was 9.
* * * * *
Any other questions? More relevant?
* * * * *
<Student> was in the good looks department when luck was being handed out!
* * * * *
Student: Please don’t shoot me, but have you marked the test yet?
* * * * *
38/50 and 42/50. I’m moving you back up to the front.
* * * * *
Student: Trench warfare! What was it? It was a peculiar sort of warfare fought in ditches.
* * * * *
There is no way I can give you Bismarck as a 5 mark I & E.
* * * * *
If you want to be a good ruler, you have to know how to be evil. Bwahaha.
* * * * *
If you have your marks, then go to the back of the class and...meditate!