I never knew a single word could cause so much pain. Of course, this single word doesn’t mean just one thing after all. Goodbye- I might never see you again for the rest of my life. Goodbye- I might see you again after several years. Goodbye- I hope if I see you I won’t cry. Goodbye- please don’t let me see you happy with somebody else. Goodbye- I can’t take the sting you cause in my heart any more.

Goodbye- I’m letting you go.

You taught me how to fight- to not give up and never lose hope. You made me believe I could achieve anything I set my eyes on if only I knew how to never stop trying, never stop believing. God, you made me stay in this goddamn course for one whole semester and endure torturous hours facing subjects I hated.

But I did it for you. Only for you.

I went to school for you. I cut classes to see you. I dissected yucky frogs to impress you. Yes, you were my entire world, didn’t you know? You taught me how to fight and never give up on my goal. You had passing Biology in your mind however, and I had something else. I had getting you.

But some god who thought he was funny must have played a game on me. Hahaha, I can hear the heavens laughing in chorus now. Laughing at me. At blooper girl. Blooper girl who foolishly believed. Or maybe its just the karmic revenge the universe is hitting me. Yup, must be it. It doesn’t matter really, because now all I have to say is goodbye.

Goodbye to you. Goodbye to Biology. Goodbye to Manila.

Who knows, out there might exist the perfect course and the perfect guy (or girl) for me. I’d be happier knowing I’m doing something that I really likeyou, only different. Different because he is mine.

I have thought long and hard about this. I’m confident I have arrived at the right decision. But you made it so hard for me to leave you, dammit. You made it so hard because you stopped me with your tears.

God, I can’t believe you cried.

Why did you have to give the perfect reaction? Why did you have to make it hard for me? How my eyes remained dry when I told you I would transfer to another unit remains a mystery, while you were crying right there in front of me- so vulnerable, so perfect for the comfort I could give if only you would let me.

Maybe I ran out of tears. I might have used them all up the night before.

Or maybe I had to be strong. I had to be solid on my decision. Because what you said wasn’t true. I believed and believed and tried and tried, but I failed. I failed in getting both my goals- Biology and you. I could not risk getting hurt anymore, because even though you cried like a baby right there when I told you I was leaving, you didn’t stop me. Which is too bad, because I would have stayed had you asked.

Only one word, I would have given up my dreams and sacrificed everything. Had you just said ‘stay’, I would have. But your tears were meaningless. Yes, you cried, Yes, you were sad. But not sad enough to stop me. You wished me luck, wished me success, said all the things I didn’t want to hear. You cried but you let me go.

Maybe knowing that you cried for me is enough. I can live on. Maybe if you introduce me to your special someone someday I won’t cry as hard. Maybe the pain won’t be as real. I think.

Goodbye.