If you know of any really ridiculous or otherwise stupid quotes, send them to me.
-- the Pomeroy (Ohio) Democrat
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
"American businessman is beginning speech with thing called joke. I am not certain why, but all American businessmen believe it necessary to start speech with joke. [Pause] He is telling joke now, but frankly, you wouldn't understand it, so I won't translate it. He thinks I am telling you the joke now. [Pause] The polite thing to do when he finishes is to laugh. [Pause] He is getting close. [Pause] Now! [Audience laughs and gives speaker standing ovation]"
-- translation of an executive's speech in Japan, as quoted in Do's and Taboos of Hosting International Visitors by Roger Axtell. (After the speech, the executive told the translator, "You are the first translator who knows how to tell a good joke.")
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Weakest Link host Anne Robinson: Which American president wrote thirty books, including Theodore Roosevelt: An Autobiography?
Contestant: Herbert Hoover
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
"On the second day the knee was better, and on the third day it disappeared."
-- from a medical chart in a South African hospital
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
"Actually, I -- this may sound a little West Texan to you, but I like it. When I'm talking about -- when I'm talking about myself, and when he's talking about myself, all of us are talking about me."
-- President George W. Bush on MSNBC's Hardball
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
"Now's the time for those deaf ears to become unplugged; so they don't sleepwalk."
-- British M.P. Tony Banks
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
1. NON-AGRICULTURAL CHEMICAL RICE & BROWN RICE
2. SHRIMPS IN SPIT
3. BACON AND GERMS
-- menu items from the Vegetarian Restaurant, Tokyo, and two other Asian restaurants
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
1. EDIBLE
2. FUR CAN BE USED
3. EVIL ANIMAL
-- notices on animal cages at the Shanghai Zoo
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
"�and there are the two major promises he has not been able to keep. And those are the promises to put more Americans back to work and the second promise is to --
uh --what is that second promise?"
-- former secretary of state James Baker
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Judge: You say you're innocent, yet five people swore they saw you steal a watch.
Defendant: Your Honor, I can produce 500 people who didn't see me steal it.
-- actual courtroom testimony
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
"Left hand, right hand, it doesn't matter. I'm amphibious."
-- Charles Shackleford of the NCSU basketball team
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
"My mother always made it clear to my sister and me that men and women were equal -- if not more so."
-- former Vice President Al Gore
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
"Do not mistake bribe-taking for corruption."
-- Russian interior minister Vladimir Rushaylo, denying that many officials are corrupt
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
24 CORICIDIN-D TABLETS $1.29 -- FOR TEMPORARY RELIEF OF SINS AND NASAL CONGESTION
-- from a newspaper ad, Valaport, Washington
