By Sarah C., Erica, and Heather
Leah's name is really Janice. Dennis suffers from Spontaneous Combustion Disorder. Jesse is afraid of the dark. Rebecca Sam. is a walking, breathing teddy bear. Mary G. got lost at the coal mine. Jeff is a model for Wal-Mart.
Matthias has a computer for a brain. Chloe's hair is naturally green. Peter and Sarah C. are fraternal twins. Nick E. is actually going bald. Mr. Sch. supports gun control. Rebekah W. believes in the Easter bunny.
Rosie actually has mechanical legs. Miss G. believes in anarchy. MRS. H. REMEMBERS THE ALAMO. Elijah is an actual syndicated cartoonist. Charissa is really a stand-up comedienne. Patrick eats bugs, al dente. Rebecca B.'s braces are a fashion accessory. Nurse U. had to leave because she was kidnapped by JBS affiliates because she is a member of the U.N.
Phil is really joining the Russian mafia. Dr. B. was "Steve" of Blue's Clues, and after a management dispute with Mr. Salt and Mrs. Pepper, decided to leave the show. Adam is really a radio talk show host.
Mary C. is a world-renowned artist. Rebecca Si. invented karaoke. Robin and McKay aren't cousins -- they are really Russian spies, out to sabotage the John Birch Society from within its ranks of youth. Brittany is an unsung genius from another dimension. Jean actually lives in California (her nametag is not a typo). Sarah J.'s hair is really blonde. Ed is John Birch's grandson.
Mr. H. is Bobby Fisher in disguise. Trevor K. lives in a one-room log cabin in the woods. Jon G. works at a barber shop. Paige will be running for dictator of Robert Welch University in 2005. Heather is a munchkin from Oz.
Cathleen is Belle from Beauty and the Beast. John R. is a storm trooper. If you look at Stephanie's eyes, you can hear the ocean. Djenaba thinks she is a certain professional tennis player. Rebecca and Dr. Sm. are scoping out our behavior to report back to Santa (be good, lest we get coal for Christmas!!). Mrs. A. likes lasagna.
Bernadette stole her orange swin bracelet -- she never took the test. Mr. S. has a megaphone built into his voicebox, and it's accessible upon demand. Sarah San. was in the cast of a certain purple carnivorous child-eating dinosaur's show, but decided to terminate the relationship after realizing that she didn't want to be eaten. Nick R. has recorded his own album of guitar songs. Mr. M. thinks he's Paul Bunyan.
Melissa is a princess of a small European principality. Constance is a dentist. Larniqwa is a champion foozball player. Mr. Aff. isn't related to Ben, but he knows a certain Matt. Elizabeth isn't related to Jean. Mr. Sp. is a mole for the FTAA.
Click HERE for the story BEHIND the rumors
