Name: Sasurai Nonezumi
Name Meaning: Her first name is Japanese for wandering in a strange
country which reveals how she feels in the world and her last name,
also Japanese, means field mouse, which explains her timid and
quiet, yet fidgety and quick-witted nature.
Age: 19
Date of Birth: September 13
Astrological Sign: Virgo
Bloodtype: AB
Alignment: Neutral, a bit more inclined to good though perhaps that
may change.
Strengths: Sasurai is a natural intellectual. She has a great
talent in perceiving details and with this very analytic approach
she can tell at times the personality of a person... or at least if
they are inclined to betray her. She has defense mechanism like
that of a mouse; she is good at hiding, and like that of a moth; she
blends in easily and thus no one takes special interest in her (this
is advantage... no one will try to get close to her if she is
unnoticeable). Her greatest gift is the piano, a skill which no one
could match as she could compose her own songs. She is a closed off-
person and since it is so hard for her to trust people, she has a
natural guard against those who may do her wrong. Despite her very
timid nature, there is an underlying strength and rage within her
that not even she wishes to show. She is immune to most types of
illnesses since in truth she has never been physically sick in her
life.
Weaknesses: Sasurai can not handle emotional pain of most kinds.
Her sensitive nature has been the result of a traumatizing event in
her younger years. Even though having a strong guard against those
around her could is an advantage, she would not let anyone into her
world and is anti-social to be the point of isolation; if she
lets someone in, she is afraid they will never come out. Ironically, if
she lets someone into her world, she will do anything for them
to stay. She hates it when people are angry and will often try to hide
in fear of causing the anger to rise. Though she is not one to be
manipulated, she does have a bit of weak will as it comes with her
nature. She is quite dependent on her medication, which in her
emotional, tattered state, is a weakness. After taking both
depression and psychosis pills for so long, she is crossing the line
over to addiction.
Likes: Surprisingly, she enjoys quite a few things. Reading has
been one of her most favorite hobbies and in her solitude, she will
read multitude of different genres and articles. She loves the
subtle peace New Eden brings her and, at times of courage, will step
outside at night to just walk and contemplate (of course, staying
away from more 'busier' area of the city). Is fond of music,
especially medieval and serene folklore (music such as that calms
her nerves). Her most treasured hobby is playing the piano, whether
be it a classical piece or one of her own creation. She loves mice
and has a best friend house mouse she calls "Mousy".
Dislikes: She hates large crowds and being the center of
attention. She doesn't have much of a fondness for cats and
hates arrogance (not because arrogance is an infamous, well-known hated
trait but because she doesn't have pride). She hates the color
white for it reminds her of a place she wishes to never return too.
Oh and she hates her anti-depression medication and the other pills
she is forced to consume (despite her growing dependence on them).
Greatest Fear: She has a bit of a case with agoraphobia and is
afraid of anger, yet her most wretched fear is a future of complete
loneliness, despite the irony that she herself is striving towards
that path.
Motivation: The only thing that motivates her is her talent with the
piano. To her, this is the only reason she is alive, even if no one
else (but a mouse) will know of her talent.
Favorite Food: Cheese. It goes along with her "mousy"
nature. She loves many different types of cheese and has a good bone structure
thanks to the amount calcium she has from her favorite food.
Least Favorite Food: Anything resembling gelatin or jelly, puddings
and applesauce included. It reminds her too much of her destructive, young years.
What grade are they in: Sasurai is a college student in her sophomore year.
Marks: All As in each college course, though she is often criticized on her low participation.
Favorite Class: Music History/Appreciation; as a lover of music and
an excellent reader, Sasurai pays attention to this class and even
rarely would volunteer herself to help a professor in the class.
Least Favorite Class: Anything that has to do with Psychology. She
does not wish for anyone to go close to her mind or herself, and
blatantly despises experiments on the mind or on identity.
Personality: A painfully shy and timid young woman, Sasurai has
always been a strict introvert. At times, she would wonder why she
even exists since no one else seems to notice her. She is very
modest about herself and doesn't believe a compliment she
receives, despite her crumpling self-esteem and confidence (though she would
blush often out of embarrassment). She is intelligent but mostly
goes though college much like she goes through life; like an
obligation since she finds herself to cowardly to commit suicide.
Rarely will one find her happy or smiling, and most likely or not,
the smile will be faint and half-hearted. In group situation, she
is extremely nervous and at times one can see her fidget and stutter
uncontrollably (then again this could be due to her medication or
physical being). Often people don't notice she is there since she
is good at hiding and "blending" with her surroundings.
While seemingly pure, her innocence has long since vanished, and her
happiness along with it. In rare moments, when she feels extremely
threatened or angered, a secret rage will slowly seethe out,
causing her to act irrationally and show an unnatural strength in
her normally dulled and passive eyes (like an adrenaline rush but
far more than a chemical or physical reaction). However she fears
that hidden, passionate side of her and would try her best so not to
be angered or cause anyone to be angry because of her.
Despite the fact she appears to want isolation and a life of
solitude, her friendship with a mouse marks her extreme sense of
loneliness. Even though it is very difficult for her to trust
anyone or let them inside her world or heart, she secretly wishes
for someone other than a mouse to hear her play her precious piano,
to listen to her, to comfort her, and above all, to love her,
whether as a friend or a lover. Yet as hard as it is for her to
trust people, it is even harder for people to see past the thick,
tainted shell of timid, meek, and possibly almost insane young
woman. Perhaps this is for the better, for without her shell, she
is as weak as glass.
Appearance: Sasurai dresses in rather plain, conservative
clothing. She is more inclined to wear simple dress pants or long
skirts than anything else, and she seems to enjoy wearing semi-
business over tops with turtle shirts under. Sasurai is into the
more muted, earthy tones of clothing, especially different sorts of
browns, adding to her mousy like appearance. She wears rounded
glasses which have a bit of a thick, black rim around them (if one
notices, they would say she looks better without them).
Sasurai look like her name sake; a mouse. She has an appearance of
a girl a few years younger and is quite pretty in a cute way. She
is not a rose, but more like a daisy, plain yet dainty. In rare
cases, some may liken her looks to that of Snow White for she has
skin as "pale as snow" and her hair is as "black as
ebony" and her
normally plain looks seem mysterious and beyond just that of dainty
(but naturally she would find these comparisons false). Her hair is
long and while mostly straight, it is hard to control and Sasurai
doesn't spend so much time on brushing her hair or putting on
make
up. Her gray eyes seem to be cloud over, keeping people away from
those windows to her soul. Yet if one looks closely one can see a
deep sadness and if they look even more closely one may see a hint
of a small flame, wanting to grow yet unable to. She is small in
stature and is quite thin, but not at all gaunt. She speaks a few
different languages fluently but she can't hide her Japanese
accent. Her voice is rather high but soft and quiet (though she is
known to squeak when she is surprised). She carries herself with a
slight hunch posture, always looking down and at times one would
barely notice she is there (she has been mistaken for a tree once).
Social Status: Non-existant. To everyone she just there. She may
seem gothic in a tortured poet/anti-social sort of way.
Love Life: She wishes she had a love life. The only people she had
ever loved were her family and even now, they wish not to be
acquainted with her. Though mostly straight, if she loves someone
so much, it truly doesn't matter if they are male or not.
Family, Friends:
Keiko Nonezumi- Sasurai mothers', she is an extremely beautiful
woman and bares little resemblance towards her daughter except for
her pale skin and black hair. She is truly a kind a sweet woman, a
mother that every one wishes they had. The relationship she had
with her eldest daughter was one of not only motherly love but of
mutual respect. However, nowadays she only shows a cold disdain for
Sasurai, and can never forgive her for that same event which caused
Sasurai's psychosis. Sasurai wishes to make her proud, to close
the gap between her and her mother but it is far too late... Keiko no
longer has a daughter.
Tengu Nonezumi- An older gentlemen, Tengu is Sasurai's father.
Though he loves his children (well... used to love both of his
children), he always wanted a son and Hikari was his pride and joy.
He never had a strong relationship with his daughter but he never
neglected her either. Ironically, he doesn't despise Sasurai as
much as her mother does now, however he too can never forgive
Sasurai, and his letters to her are short and only tell her the
minimal of the life she was forced out of.
Hikari Nonezumi- The cause and beginnings of Sasurai's inner
rage, Hikari is her beautiful younger brother. The polar opposite of his
older sister, Hikari had many talents and traits that Sasurai could
only dream of. Hikari used to look up to his sister and loved her,
yet now, above even the anger their parents felt, he is deathly
afraid of her and makes sure not to be mentioned in her father's
letters to his daughter.
Mousy- Sasurai's only friend, "Mousy" is, as the name
implies, a mouse that lives in Sasurai's home. He is her constant companion
and it appears as if he listens to her play the piano and at times
he looks sad when she is sad (think Chu Chu from Revolutionary Girl
Utena... but really a mouse and not some odd mixture). Mousy is
also alone and his only friend appears to be Sasurai. He loves cheese as
well... mainly cheddar Swiss cheese.
Birthplace: Kyoto, Japan.
Current Residence:
Thanks to the wealth of her family, Sasurai
lives in a small bungalow near the outskirts of New Eden, just a few
miles away from the main part of the city. On the outside, it seems
like quaint, homely house with a few flower gardens around it,
inside, the home seems a bit... empty. A two bedroom house, Sasurai
keeps one of the bedrooms as her study where her collection of books
are stocked in two bookcases, while in the center of the study lies
her desk for, naturally, studying. The study has a large window
that leads to the view of the outside world but is lock from the
inside and often Sasurai will stare out the window daydreaming.
The other bedroom is sparse. The tones of the rooms are that of
grays and soft purple, with a dark purple color carpet and the
ceiling which is a deep midnight blue. Oddly, there are no windows
in the bedroom and the light only comes from Japanese lanterns
(which are switched on and off and send off fluorescent lights). The
bed is of a silver, metallic bed frame with a full size mattress and
a simple headboard. One nightstand is next to her bed and is only
used for her to place her psychosis medication into a secret drawer.
There is no vanity; only a small mirror with a bureau under it and
most of her clothes is kept in only a small portion of her large
closet space. Most nerve-racking about the room is the awful lack of
decoration or a comforting feel that one's room have. In fact,
through out the whole house, there are no pictures of herself or her
family and despite the lanterns there is no true personal decoration.
There is one bathroom that has a simple beige bathtub (in which she
would take long, warm baths to cool her nerves), a beige toilet with
toilet roll (of course) and small sink with a medical cabinet filled
with mostly pills; the cabinet has a broken mirror. Despite the
plain and quite bare look of the bathroom, it has a comfortable
amount of toiletries.
The kitchen leads directly to a small dining area. The kitchen,
unlike earlier describe rooms, is rather homely and has a bit of a
country style feel to it. She has a simple dining table and a small
counter table only for two (she mainly uses the counter to eat than
the dining table since she never has company). Hanging on the wall
next to the dining area would be a chart of different cheeses in the
world, most of which she had tried.
The living room, while elegant, is as sparse as the bedroom. A
small fireplace with a painting of the country plains (field mice
included) is the first thing in view as she enters the living and
the warmth actually helps her relax. There is only a book case in
one corner and there is only a three-seater coach for comfortable
sitting place. She mainly has the coach just to lie down in the
living room and think.
Finally, and most importantly, in the center of the living room lies
her most expensive (she actually paid for it herself), her most
elegantly decorated, cream-colored grand piano. Close to the
fireplace, not only can she play her music but she can feel relaxed
and warm as well, having rare moments of true peace and calm.
History:
Sasurai was one of those children who lived in
the "perfect" family. Her father, Tengu Nonezumi, was a
wealthy co-owner of a computer company in Japan and her mother, Keiko Nonezumi
was a character designer for many movies and videogames. When
Sasurai was seven years old, she and her family moved to New Eden at
the request and suggestions of relative living in the so-
called "paradise" and the move, while a bit of a hassle
considering business transfers, was easy and considered a good choice to make.
Because of complications from birth (she was born prematurely and
had to be taken out with medical pliers) and because of her shyness,
she had a natural twitch and stutter which was cause for ridicule.
Despite the treatment, Sasurai was a happy child; she had everything
she wanted and while her father was always busy at work, she had the
love and friendship of her mother. However, after the birth of her
brother Hikari, her perfect life began to fall apart.
Sasurai soon began to notice attention drifting away from her. No
longer was she the favorite, since her family now has a son. At
first, she was only a tad bit envious, noticing her father spend so
much more time with her brother than her, but that was okay, she
never grew close to her father. It was when her mother began to
drift from her that the sibling rivalry soon grew to something far
more complicated. Sasurai's perfect grades began to drop and
other students, even the bullies who teased and laughed at her, began to
grow avoidant, even afraid of Sasurai. Her parents noticed this
drastic change, yet after seeing a family therapist, passed this off
as only a stage of adolescence and continued to shower Hikari with
their affection, leaving their forgotten daughter to grow more
jealous to the point of complete anguish and frustration. Hikari
was more social, popular, and beautiful than Sasurai; how could the
shy eldest daughter match up to the perfect son. Finally, after
years of building up the hidden jealousy and anguish, Sasurai
snapped.
On this day, Sasurai came home from school and heard notes of music
from upstairs. Now even though she wasn't into playing the piano
or keyboard as much as she is nowadays, everyone knew how much she
treasured her possessions. Running up the stairs, she opened the
door to her room to find her keyboard missing and the music played
on. Fearing the worst, she ran to Hikari's room to find her
keyboard sitting on the lap of the ten year old. Demanding it back,
she was appalled when her brother told her that the keyboard was his
now since "mommy and daddy said so". Sasurai believed his
little childish lie and in only a matter of seconds, all sanity was lost. In a rage, she attacked her younger brother, wanting to kill him and
almost succeeded in doing so if her mother hadn't come home.
Keiko was horrified at the scene and tried her best to restrain her
daughter. Yet Sasurai's rage and insanity was so powerful, Keiko
was thrown off and the mindless beating continued. It wasn't
until Keiko smashed the keyboard against Sasurai to knock her out that the
rage ended, but the damage had been done.
Sasurai was soon sent to a mental institution for treatment. What
was once just envy grew into something that invaded every part of
her mind until her mind snapped and she undergone a very violent and
highly destructive form of a mental breakdown. At times, the
doctors and psychiatrists feared that the mental breakdown would
leave to more severe problems, even suicide (at one point, Sasurai
declared herself so hideous that even her reflection was unworthy.
This claim lead to her throwing herself against the mirrors of the
bathrooms and using one of the shards to cut off the pinky finger of
her right hand). At first, her mother was worried for both her
children, making sure to visit both of them. She watched her son
undergo surgery and she witnessed her daughter undergo heavy
medication and strong, even harsh treatment for her psychosis. Yet
soon, Keiko's love for her daughter slowly diminished and she, to
this day, is unable to forgive or even acknowledge Sasurai.
After a year of constant treatment, Sasurai, at the age of 15 was
finally released from the institution. The heavy dosage of
medication and the realization of her deed greatly withered away her
self-esteem and the same of the event left her even more painfully
shy than before. It wasn't until she was met by a cold reception
that her heart dealt another mighty blow. Her family didn't want
her. Tengu looked at his daughter with pity yet there was anger in
his eyes. Hikari, now permanently scarred on the face as the heart,
became deathly afraid of his sister, believing her to evil and
insane. Keiko showed nothing but disdain. Sasurai was disowned.
The last thing her parents ever gave her was enough money to have a
decent life and college education. At the complicated age of
sixteen, Sasurai's mental instability brought a sense of shame on
her family and it didn't take long for all those who knew her to
see her as her mother saw her; a failure.
Isolated by her own family and her emotional state in shambles,
Sasurai was left to wander New Eden alone. Though in mind and body
she may be pure, her innocence was brutally ripped from her the
moment she scarred her brother's face. Ashamed of herself, she
never gotten over the dishonor of her deed, nor has she gotten over
her year in a mental hospital. The medication helped her psychosis
yet no pill could help stop her depression. It wasn't till she
took up the piano again that she began to feel a sense of worth... but
what was self-worth if there is no one to see how valued she is.
Writing Sample:
The halls were filled with music. A strong resonating sound filled
the void of what was once silent. Skilled hands created the elegant
fabrics of song as they touched the white ivory keys again and
again, flowing from one note to the next.
Sasurai closed her eyes as she played, touching each key and hitting
each note just right. The music was transferred from her unsettled
mind to the piano, her most treasured possession. She didn't
care for sheet music; this remarkable display of symphony was of her own
creation. She hardly noticed her little friend looking up from the
seat as he watched with shiny black eyes.
Sasurai opened her eyes softly and she made a soft smile towards the
mouse next to her. With a soft laugh, she went back to her world,
her eyes closed again and her mind immersed in music.
The piercing sound of a knock immediately halted her powerful
peace. Her eyes snapped opened and her breath caught on her throat
as she pulled away from the piano towards the door. Looking through
the peephole, she saw it was only the mailmen. Taking a deep breath
to collect herself, she slowly opened the door, "He-hello?"
"Package for a Miss Non... None... None-zumi...?"
She gazed down at the small package, the mispronunciation of her
name not important. With shaky fingers, she quickly signed for the
package, her eyes never looking at the mailman. Taking the package
she slowly went to close the door, "Tha-thank... you-you."
The door closed she looked down at the package with a sense of
hope. Using only her hands, she opened the package and looked
inside, hoping for a gift or a keepsake from her family. Soon that
hoped died as she took out a simple bag filled with money to pay off
the bills. She flinched, and gently set the money down.
"They won't forgive me... they won't forgive me... I'm no longer their
daughter... they don't have to... pretend they care for me by
sending money..." She took off her glasses to wipe off a few cold tears of
disappointment and her mutterings continued. The song she created
with the piano quickly forgotten, she walked toward the bathroom.
Quickly opened the cabinet, her trembling hands took hold of the
anti-depression medication given to her my prescription. Getting a
small cup of water she swallowed two pills and quickly gulped the
water down. Shaking, she remembered another set of instructions,
ones given to her personally.
Fidgeting more violently, she made her way into the bedroom and
slowly lifted a small compartment on her bureau. Lifting up a
small, meek container, she undid the lid with violently trembling
fingers. She stared at it; the pill was white, just like the walls,
white wall glowing with unnerving madness. The mindless screams
echoing forever, bouncing off the sea of walls...
She snapped back to reality and shook her head. She swallowed the
pill, not caring for water when it came to such medication as that.
The shaking stopped, but the depression stayed. Gazing up into her
reflection on the other side of the room, she remembered the
sparkling shards, the glittering cracks in the fragile glass that
were many mirrors. She closed her eyes and shook her head. "Onegai... tasukete... Help me... " tears began to fall. No, her depression could never fade, "Help me!"
Today, as always, no one heard her despairing cries.
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